It’s about to be a brand new year y’all! And I cannot wait, I mean lez be honest babes, 2017 was a trash year and I want to leave it in the garbage where it belongs.
But the thing is, 2018 isn’t going to just be ~magically better~ than this past year — just because we want it to be. We have to put in work to make sure that our year can be as glowing and empowering as possible. And why not apply that magical glow to our sex lives?
As a sex educator, I’m always growing into new places within my own sexuality and discovering new things about the ways in which I exist in my body. It’s part of the work. And in my own self-exploration (and actual sexology research), I’ve found tangible ways to boost my sexual confidence. If you are committed to growing and exploring your desires in 2018 — these are the perfect resolutions for you. Try these tips to feel more embodied, sexy, confident, aroused, and explorative.
1. Spend more time naked (and looking at yourself)
There are literally studies on this, y’all. No joke. When you look at yourself naked in the mirror, your confidence gets a huge boost. It’s this beautiful process of self-loving — look in the mirror and say out loud everything you love about your body. The more you do this, the more you’ll realize what you love about your body.
If you want to take this a step further, you can turn the mirror on your sexy bits. Looking at your vulva, penis, or whatever language you use for yourself, is proven to increase sexual arousal and confidence. Really get to know what you look like down there, look at the beautiful shades of colors, and the different folds and shapes. If you want to, you can also masturbate with a mirror between your legs to see the ways in which you change while you orgasm.
You are beautiful! You are sexy!
2. Masturbate with variety
This. Is. So. Important. When you masturbate with more variety, by changing up positions, vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, lubes, etc you are creating more pathways in your brain to understand your pleasure. When you stick to your tried-and-true masturbation technique — your brain thinks that is the way your body achieves orgasm. And while not all sex should be goal-oriented towards an orgasm, you definitely want your body to understand that it can cum in many different ways.
Masturbation can be so much more than a tool for getting off and there are so many ways to explore self-pleasure. It can help you heal, get to know yourself intimately, explore how your body feels arousal, and understand the way your body likes to be touched. When you know what turns you on—what gets you off— you’ll be able to communicate that with your sexual partners.
3. Do a “yes,” “no,” or “maybe” list
“Yes,” “no,” “maybe” lists are probably my favorite piece of “homework” that I give to clients in my sex ed practice. It challenges people to think beyond the acts and positions they already do in the bedroom to explore what else they might be into. It also allows people to give language to what their hard no’s are. It’s important to note that our sexual desires are fluid, so you can’t do this just once and think that’s it. I’d suggest doing it once at the beginning of 2018 and once at the end — see where your sexuality changed and where it stayed the same!
4. Talk about the kind of sex you want to have — then have it
Communication is literally the most important part of sex. And once you’ve figured out what your desires are — talking about them is the next step. Talk about the kind of sex you want to have with your friends, your partners, yourself. Saying it out loud will help you feel more confident in those desires. It’s also a good opportunity to explore the language that feels comfortable for you.
And then actualize it, babes.
5. Foreplay all day
This piece of advice is particular to couples, especially couples who maybe have been together for a long time or are going through a sexual rut right now. If you want to add sultry sexiness back into your life — practicing the “foreplay all day” rule is super fun. You basically decide that on certain days (maybe leading up to a date night) you will participate in foreplay with each other all day long.
This could be anything: you could leave a sexy post-it note on the mirror for her before you leave for work. You could exchange sexy photos and sexts throughout the day. Talk about the ways in which you want to f*ck each other that night. You could be extra touchy-feely with each other throughout the day. Or even have a hot and heavy make-out session that gets you turned on — but no sex just yet. All of these things will get you feeling super into each other and by the end of the day, you’ll both be dying to f*ck.
If you’ve decided that 2018 is going to be the year you completely and unabashedly explore your sexual desires — I 100% support you and hope that these resolutions will help jumpstart that exploration. Come back every Friday in 2018 for sex ed tips, tricks and information. Happy exploring!