Sex Ed Friday: Will A Vibrator Ruin My Sex Life?

In short the answer is: Definitely not!

Orchid flower
Orchid flowerPhoto by Shutterstock

The age old questions that women have prompted each other and our partners: Will adding a vibrator into your play routines decrease your ability to have an orgasm without a vibrator?

In short the answer is: Definitely not! Let’s get a little bit deeper though because I don’t want any of your babes feeling nervous or anxious about bringing vibration into your bedroom!

I’m not sure where this myth came from, probably a man who didn’t want women to realize how ah-mazing vibrators are and that we can have orgasms (plentiful) without them. Side note: Let’s take pride in the fact that lesbian women have the highest rates of women orgasming during partner sex at 74.7%.

When I got my first vibrator, my girlfriend at the time shrieked in disappointment, “But whyyy? You’ll never have orgasm with me anymore.” She was terrified that my masturbating with this vibrator would ruin our sex life. I quickly assured her that it wouldn’t! I just wanted to explore new sensations, and if she wanted to, I’d like to even try it out together.

The thing is, our bodies work in a way that is kind of lazy—because they’re constantly processing so much from the outside world at any give point in time. This makes them want to automate processes as much as possible. So when it comes to sex, if you’re doing it in the same position, with the same toy, with the same stroking pattern—your body will say “OK cool, this is how we reach orgasm.” Thus strengthening these pathways and making it more difficult for different pathways to bring your body to orgasm.

This goes for partner sex and solo sex. If you and your girl are always getting it on in reverse cowgirl because that’s what feels good, it’s going to be hard to train your body to have an orgasm when you want to switch it up. Now, I’m not talking like 5 times in a row—I’m talking like the same position consecutive for months, if not years on end.

The best way to solve this tricky issue is to have variety in your masturbation and partner sex (which who can complain about that, am I right?). Use different toys, use your fingers sometimes, a dildo others, try different positions, add in lube sometimes. This way, you’ll be teaching your body there’s more than one way to reach orgasm.

And most of all: Don’t be ashamed if you want to try out a new vibrator. We should all be having shame-free, pleasurable sex.

Before we part this week, I want to share with you my top 5 favorite vibrators.

Lelo Gigi 2
Lelo Gigi 2

This vibrator is incredible for g-spot stimulation. It has 8 different vibration modes to get you going with the flat head hitting all the right spots. The matte silicone it’s made out of is body safe and easy to clean.

The Womanizer
The Womanizer

I don’t love the name but damn, do I love the toy. Nothing else can compare to this ‘Pleasure Air’ technology that gives your clit the most sensational suction feeling ever. The interchangeable suction (which btw, you can bring into the bath or shower since it’s waterproof) provide such power vibrations that women on average reach an orgasm within 2 minutes with this toy.

Magic Wand
Magic Wand

The tried and true boo. This toy is acclaimed by literally everyone, it has never met a match it couldn’t pleasure. It is perfect for those who need a longer reach and the vibration can be used in many different places across your body. It was actually originally created to be a massager, turned sex toy since that’s what everyone was using it for anyways.

Crave Vesper

Whenever I wear my Vesper, I always see women given me this look on train like “I know what your necklace really is.” This toy makes me feel strong and empowered. I love it. It’s perfect for a girl-on-the-go as it’s discreet design makes it  easy to bring wherever you go! Want a quickly in the bathroom? Perfect, got my Vesper. It has different levels of vibration, always eager to please.

Kaya Rabbit
Kaya Rabbit

Last but definitely not least, is the Kaya Rabbit. This toy is my new favorite as it provide internal vibration and clitoral stimulation. You can sit back and relax while this toy does all the work for you.


Corinne Werder is a writer, sex educator and girl on the move currently residing in Brooklyn, NY. She looks at the world through the lens of a pleasure activist, femme-of-center queer woman. Her background in sex education comes from her volunteer work with RAINN, her work as a sexual assault/domestic violence advocate and she is currently a student at the Institute for Sexuality and Enlightenment. 

Have more sex questions? Leave a comment below or email corinne@gomag.com and come back for more every Friday! 

The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only and should not replace or substitute for any medical, or other professional advice or help. For concerns requiring psychological or medical advice, please consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist This column, its author, the magazine and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice contained within this column.