5 New Year Resolutions For The Broken Hearted Queer Girl

Redefine self-love.

Photo by istock

Getting your heart smashed in two is an inevitable aspect of life. And a really hard breakup can completely consume you.

You can’t stop thinking about her. You can’t stop checking her social media for updates. You can’t stop gazing at old photos. It takes up all your brain power and you feel completely helpless. Sometimes you just give up and succumb to all the emotions that come with a devastating, earth-shattering heartbreak.

But if there is one kind of energy you don’t want to bring into the New Year with you — it’s gut-wrenching heartbreak. You deserve a fresh start! You deserve to feel OK again! And most importantly; you deserve to go on a first date with someone new.

Moving on is complicated and it’s not like you can just magically wake up on January 1, 2018, and be over your lost love of 2017. If it was that easy, we’d all be refreshed with the New Year (instead of dreadfully hungover). Alas, getting over a broken heart takes a bit (or a ton) self-work.

I’ve become somewhat of an expert over the years after watching and supporting all of my friends through their messy breakups. And using the New Year as a fresh start for all this is the perfect time.

I promise that if you can commit yourself to any of the resolutions below, you’ll start to feel the ice that has frozen over your heart start to slowly melt away. You won’t be broken hearted forever and you will definitely find love again.

1. Unfollow and Unfriend

Even if you eventually want to be friends with your ex, taking a break from seeing their life on your newsfeed is a healthy first step. I know it can be super daunting because you don’t want them to think you hate them. Or you want to continue to know what’s going on their life. Or you want them to see your thirst traps in their newsfeed — but trust me, babes.

I’ve been there. And it’s so hard to ease your broken-hearted nerves when you’re constantly seeing their face on your screens. It disrupts your day and brings you right back to point zero when you likely were having a really beautiful and non-heart-broken-anxiety day. You deserve to be able to move on in peace without knowing everything they’re doing. And if you both decide to be IRL friends someday, then maybe you can follow them again. But while you’re still licking your wounds, you need to be able to focus on you without the constant reminders of them.

2. Redefine Self Love

I’ve recently made a really hard (and kind of basic) discovery about myself: I pour all my love into my partners and have never really poured that same amount of love back into myself. I know, a lot of us do this. But it was an eye opening moment for myself to realize that I have never really given myself as much love as I’ve given all my exes.

And after a breakup is the perfect time to redefine love, for yourself!

This is a time when you can completely and utterly be selfish with what you give the world. And right now, the majority of your love should be given to yourself. Take yourself out on dates. Get to know yourself better. Spend intentional time with your friends. Try meditation or tarot reading. When you’re in a relationship, there simply isn’t as much time to fall in love with yourself because there is a whole other person you are loving on. When you’re single, you have time to redefine self-love however you want to. What better time to start than the New Year?

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

This goes for all your relationships. That means with your family, friends, exes, f*ck buddies, one-time hookups, partners, coworkers, etc. The first step to setting healthy boundaries is knowing what your boundaries are. You have to figure out what a healthy balance in your relationships looks like for you — and then verbalize it to all these people.

For me, I know that if I’m just casually dating someone — I don’t want to be in constant communication. And in this ever-immediate-digital-world, I usually have to explain that to people. I let them know that I don’t really like to text a lot, especially while I’m at work. I like to keep the digital communication more veered towards making IRL plans.

Having these boundaries will help you feel amazing about the relationships that you’re building with people.

4. Know Your Truth

At the end of the day (or year), only you can really be in control of your life. You can’t control how other people feel about you, what they say about you or their actions. I say this because breakups cause so many of us to feel out of control of our own lives. But you know your truth and the truth of why you broke up with this person — or why it’s time to move on, if they broke up with you.

If you have an awful ex who is spreading rumors about you or being really manipulative after the breakup — just focus in on your truth and your friends. Rise above and ignore all their nasty comments. They’re just acting out and everyone who is a genuine human being will be able to see right through that.

5. Be Intentional

This can be a really hard resolution to make — but utterly life-changing when you commit to it. Being intentional means showing up to be present in the moment. It means putting your phone away when you’re with friends. It means not always thinking about what you’re going to say next in a conversation, but instead listening and allowing there to be silence in-between thoughts.

Going through the hardship of a breakup can sometimes mean your head is constantly filled with anxious thoughts. Being intentional and really present in the moment gives you a break from those anxious spirals. It also allows you to build more solid and transformational relationships with the people in your life. You’ll start to find that when you leave from your friend dinner, you feel so nourished and fulfilled — so much more than if you had been constantly checking your Instagram and not really listening to what your friend was saying.

2018 is going to be a brand New Year for you to explore yourself and heal. Try to find space to release this heartbreak because you deserve to feel OK again, babes. Leave us a comment below and let us know what your resolutions are!


Corinne Kai is the Managing Editor and resident sex educator at GO Magazine. You can listen to her podcast Femme, Collectively or just stalk her on Instagram