What is a yoni massage? I’m so glad you asked.
Yoni is the Sanskrit word for the vagina—so it’s just that, a massage on your vagina. But in reality, it’s so much more than that. While yoni massages are super sensual and sexy—the goal isn’t about sex or having an orgasm, it’s about release, healing and often partner connection. The receiver may experience an orgasm during the massage, but that is not the focal point of this experience.
There are so many benefits to yoni massages—health, spiritual, sexual and mental. They are seriously amazing on so many levels and I highly recommend every person with a vulva experience it at least once in their lives. It’s about connecting with your spiritual sexual self and letting go of any negative energy that is holding you back from having that embodied connection. What I mean by “embodied connection,” is that sometimes our minds are ready for sex but our bodies aren’t. Your yoni might be holding energy from a past relationship or a one night stand or you might be feeling super disconnected from your vagina and ability to have an orgasm. Oftentimes after a yoni massage, people are able to have full body orgasms—meaning you feel the pleasure in your body, in your mind and on a spiritual level. This is because a yoni massage helps to connect all of those pathways so they are communicating again—if they were disconnected.
Before I let you know all the ~amazing~ things that can come from a Tantric yoni massage, I want to give you a step-by-step how-to guide for giving the best yoni massage so that you can be your fully empowered Goddess self that you were always meant to be.
You don’t need to be experienced in Tantric sex to give this pleasure to your partner (or yourself). While you can take turns giving each other yoni massages, you should focus on one partner at a time. Meaning you shouldn’t both get yoni massages on the same night. You’ll need to recuperate before you switch roles. If you don’t have anyone to do this practice with, then read this manual as you play both roles. You independent ladies can be your own masturbatory yoni guide!
Step 1: Relax Together
If you can, take a bath together. Pour some Epsom salt into the tub and let it fill up to the brim with steaming water before you get in. While you’re in the tub, quietly relax and start to give one another slow massages all over your bodies. If you can’t take a bath together, I’d suggest making a hot cup of tea for both you and snuggling on the couch for a bit before you venture into the bedroom for the yoni massage.
Now I know you might be tempted to pour a glass of wine (or two) before you get started because of first-time yoni ~nerves and jitters~. But I wouldn’t recommend drinking alcohol before this experience, as you’ll want to be fully in your body for the experience and alcohol can sometimes alter that state. Think about what you do after a really stressful day if you can’t drink booze. What does that look like? Maybe it means going for a walk or reading a book or dancing around to some music. Whatever it is, do it. You want to be in a truly relaxed state to get the most out of this incredible journey.
Step 2: Take It To The Bedroom
Now you’ll want the person who is receiving the massage to get naked and the other to be in whatever makes them most comfortable (whether that’s sweats, lingerie or also being naked). I suggest setting the mood, you know for some cute ~ambiance~. For me, that means lighting some candles, dimming the lights and even burning some incense. You can play soft music in the background if that feels good for both of you, but it should be something that isn’t too distracting with words and fast rhythms. You don’t want to be bopping around to Demi Lovato mid yoni massage.
The person receiving the massage should be propped up with a couple pillows under her shoulders and head along with one pillow under her pelvis. She should lay down with her legs bent and spread so that the massage giver can sit in-between her legs. With this position, the massage giver has access to her yoni and the receiver is comfortable and can make eye contact for connection.
Remember that this experience is for her and whatever she needs to release. That can mean anything from healing past sexual traumas to wanting to experience more full-body orgasms or even feeling more connected to her yoni. The woman receiving should mentally set whatever this intention is before the massage begins. I like to write my intention down on paper and tuck it underneath one of the burning candles.
Step 3: Full Body Massage
Start off slow and ease into everything with a full body massage. Use some massage or coconut oil to rub all over the front of her body while occasionally checking in for the type of pressure she likes. As you move from her tummy to her legs, spend extra time on her thighs and stay there for a while. This might tickle a bit, during my first yoni massage it took a few bursts of giggles before I really got into it.
During this time you should sync your breathing together: while one of you inhales, the other exhales. So you’re breathing the same air together. Once you’ve both gotten completely relaxed and into the rhythm of the massage, it’s time to move onto the next step. The massage giver might fall into a trance-like state during the massage, that is totally normal and okay. Just make sure you’re still present and able to be there for your partner.
Step 4: Connect With Her Yoni
Throughout the massage, the only speaking should be to check in that the pressure feels good and asking for consent to enter her yoni and anus (when the time is right, I’ll get there).
As you caress her thighs and pubic bone, move your way to her pelvic area and begin to massage her outer labia. You can make a light squeezing motion by stroking from top (near the clit) to bottom (near the vaginal opening) with your index finger and thumb. Then you should go to her inner labia, add a little bit of lube and slowly repeat this process varying the pressure and speed of touch according to your partner’s preferences.
Step 5: Go Slower Than You Think You Should
Next, gently stroke the clitoris with clockwise and counter-clockwise circular motions. Squeeze her clit between your thumb and index finger. Now slowly (and with her consent) insert your middle finger of your right hand into her yoni (the right hand is used to balance the polarity of Tantra). You want to gently massage her yoni with your finger while applying some pressure (i.e. don’t finger her the way you do when you’re having sex). Move slowly and with intention. Exploring for tension spots. If small areas of tension are felt, stop the movement and gently press to release the areas that are filled with negative trauma. As your caressing her g-spot (known as the Goddess Spot in Tantra) remember that this is a highly sensitive area that likely holds pleasurable and painful memories for her.
At this stage, encourage the receiver to relax and deepen her breathing. Remind her not to think about being sexually aroused or worry about having an orgasm. But instead, focus on the sensual feelings coming up for her. If she has an orgasm, just continue massaging as before and move your fingers in a rhythmic but gentle motion to enhance the feelings of pleasure for as long as possible.
Waves of emotion will probably come up for the receiver and she might cry or even sob. This is the negative energy being slowly released. If this happens, don’t stop the massage but gently check in that she is okay to continue.
The next step only happens if both of you are feeling fully relaxed, in Tantra, it’s referred to as “holding the mystery of the universe” in your hand. You will add your fourth finger to her yoni and continue massaging as before while also adding stimulation to her clit with your thumb. Remember that all movements should be applying gentle pressure and moving slowly. With her consent and when she’s ready, add your pinky finger to her anus with some lube. Continue to slowly massage into all areas until she asks you to stop. You can use your left hand to also massage her stomach and thighs.
You should close this yoni journey with one hand on her heart and one on her belly. Take deep breaths together to acknowledge and honor the time you just spent releasing what needed to be let go. Sometimes I feel like cuddling after a yoni massage and other times, I want to fully digest and talk about the experience with my partner. It’s totally up to you! One time after a solo yoni experience, I ate a pint of ice cream while watching reruns of “The X Files.”
The release of negative energy from your intention setting might process for days after the yoni massage. You can write them down as they come up, just continue to be mindful of how you’re feeling in the days following. I hope you feel like your fully empowered and magical Goddess self, babe! You deserve it.