How To Hookup With A Girl When Your Nails Are Long AF
You don’t have to trim those chic talons, we swear!
The queer internet has been abuzz about one topic lately. Fingernails. The ever-lasting debate about whether or not people can hook up with long, luxurious, lacquered nails. If you’ve wondered the same, you’re not alone. “I get this question all the time: how do people hook up with long or elaborate nails?,” queer sex educator Birna Gustafsson tells GO. “Some wince when picturing long nails inside them, others are well-versed and tell me it’s no big deal.”
There’s no shortage of online discourse about the subject, and while everyone has a lot to say about acrylic nails and queer sex, no one is really giving any guidance on how to successfully do it with long AF nails. ”Long nails and fingering isn’t something that has been taught in most sex ed, so a lot of people are trying to figure out if it can be done by themselves,” Byrd, a nonbinary certified sexuality educator and relationship practitioner, tells GO.
I wrote about stigma around fake nails in the queer community, and about how I won't take off my long nails for sex. Tinder link in bio. https://t.co/qYYp8i790p pic.twitter.com/aBNNK9ir9l
— Katie Dupere (@katiedupere) April 10, 2018
When I first came out, I was persuaded by my queer elders that long nails just weren’t a thing for queer people who liked to finger f*ck. There was this predisposition that femmes who rocked these nails were all pillow princesses or consistently bottoms. All of this is simply incorrect. Not to mention, shaming femmes with fabulous nails is layered with so much femmephobia — nails have historically been a way femmes flag to our community that we’re here and hella queer.
I’m also unsure how people who think that long nails are going to jab someone’s vagina or anus are having sex. When you’re fingering someone, you want to use the pad of your finger against their g-spot — and if you’re fisting, you use the base of your knuckles to give them pleasure. And when you’re stimulating someone’s clit, you also want to use the pad of your finger (or your tongue).
“I recommend leading with the pads of your fingers with your preferred lubrication! Take it slow, check in with your partner, and you can be successful with longer nails,” says Ty Chantal, a femme who rocks extended nails. “I honestly have felt it’s so much fun with my nail extensions in both receiving and giving perspectives!”
Chantal makes a valid point that there is a certain finesse to having sex with long, pointed nails. But, if you’re a newbie to having sex with long nails, here are a few things to keep in mind.
Regular nail maintenance — no matter length.
First of all, whether you have short nails or claws — nail care is definitely important when it comes to fingering. Painful fingering doesn’t come from the length of the nail, it happens when there are jagged edges or hangnails or chapped fingers.
“Regular nail maintenance is ideal, I jokingly call nail maintenance the sapphic version of ‘you don’t have to get ready if you stay ready,’” Gustafsson says. “Regular filing, cuticle maintenance, and scrubbing under the nails when washing hands can keep hands in great fingering condition. Washing your hands before you get intimate only takes a few minutes and gives you both peace of mind, too.”
Not only does that make the experience more pleasurable for your partner, it protects thier health as well. “Even a small snag or rough spot can cause micro-tears in sensitive vaginal or anal tissues, which increases STI transmission risk and is uncomfortable,” says Byrd.
Acrylics are blunt af, I had acrylics and sns for ages and never had any problems, I just had them taken off and now I’m always cutting myself with my natural nails, they are thinner and so way sharper
— ashes (@_ash_rowl) April 20, 2018
Practice makes perfect.
If you’re nervous about jabbing your partners inside with your talons, then have fun practicing on yourself. Yes, we mean masturbating. “This can give you direct feedback about pressure, angle, and any rough spots,” Byrd advises and offers a surprising and helpful tip. “Consider doing a finger check on the inside of your cheek first. It’s a similarly sensitive tissue and gives you a good read on if any area is sharp or rough.”
Trust me, you will perfect your long nail sex tactics in no time. No matter the nail length, if you know what you’re doing — all of your partners’ orifices are safe in your hands.
Gloves and cotton balls or silly putty.
If you like to go for lacquered nails that have a stiletto tip, then you might want to invest in some cotton balls or silly putty and gloves, says Byrd. “Putting cotton balls, tissues, or silly putty where your nails are inside of a glove can create a padded tip that removes sharp edges entirely. Nitrile gloves are the best here, because of latex allergies and how latex can degrade with some lubes. Don’t forget to add some lube to your gloves,” they suggest.
If you’re anally penetrating your partners, gloves are pretty standard because anal tissue is delicate, more so than vaginal walls. And again, whether you have long or short nails — gloves can be a great additive for anal sex (and of course, lube).
If this seems like a lot of maintenance for you, then you can keep your manicures rounded with a smooth tip so all you need is a little bit of lube.
Enhance your play with long nails.
There are so many sensations you can explore with long nails. You can gently trace your nails along your partner’s skin for a soft and incredibly relaxing sensation.
“I haven’t met many people who don’t enjoy a good scratch, even light gentle ones. They can be an incredible sensory tool, but every area of the body isn’t going to be able to handle the same level of intensity. The key is to go slow and communicate, during and after,” Queer Board-Certified Sexologist, BDSM and Intimacy Educator, Miss Mackenzee tells GO.
“Nails on the body, like scratching down the back, dragging along the inner thigh, or a scalp massage, can be intensely pleasurable without the risks associated with internal play,” adds Byrd. “Start light and add more pressure if your partner desires. Avoid broken skin, rashes, or any sensitive areas. The neck, inner thighs, scalp, butt, lower back, and chest can be particularly responsive areas. But, as always, communicate!”
While long nails might look intimidating, they don’t have to cause pain during play. Unless that’s desired.
* If you are exploring with blood play, be sure that all partners have been tested and know their status and that appropriate barrier methods are used (unless you are fluid bonding).
It’s personal, babe.
“Though it is possible, I prefer to f*ck without fake nails. Short, well kept nails are easier and just feel better on both ends, in my personal opinion. But everyone is different. I say do you, babe,” says Dayna Troisi.
Or you could just go for the the famed lesbian manicure, suggests Shanna K. Kattari, an AASECT certified sex educator, and author of Your Pleasure Map: A Q&A. “Either one hand long and the other short, or even just the fingers you use most often cut short and the others’ long. If you’re too shy to explain the ‘why’ to your nail tech, just tell them you play a specific instrument or need it for your job — both technically accurate! Or get yourself a queer nail tech, and they’ll know what’s up.”
Only you get to decide how you want to f*ck and how you want to get f*cked. If you love what nails add to your sex game, then go for it. But if it’s not for you, then you have every right to say no.
But I also like to employ a general rule of thumb to not yuck anyone else’s yum — basically, don’t say “eww” or “not possible” to what gives other people immense pleasure. Making generalized statements that femmes with fabulous nails can’t finger their partners is absolutely not okay (and not true, as you now know). Just because you’re not into it, doesn’t make it impossible or not pleasurable.
Expert bios:
Byrd (they/them) is a certified sex and relationship practitioner with specialties in LGBTQIA+.
Birna Gustafsson is a sex educator and public health advocate breaking down the science, culture, and politics of sexuality.
Miss Mackenzee, is a queer Board-Certified Sexologist, BDSM and Intimacy Educator, Certified PTSD and Erotic Hypnotist, Sex Therapy Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Relationship and Sexual Wellness Coach, Kink Lifestyle and Professional Dominant Mentor, Author and Founder of BDSM and Intimacy University, among other titles.
Shanna K. Kattari, is an AASECT certified sex educator, and the author of Your Pleasure Map: A Q&A, Pick-Your-Passion Approach for Hotter, Naughtier, More Adventurous Sex; Oral Sex That’ll Blow Her Mind: An Illustrated Guide to Giving Her Amazing Orgasms; and Lesbian Sex Positions.
The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only and should not replace or substitute for any medical, or other professional advice or help. For concerns requiring psychological or medical advice, please consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist This column, its author, the magazine and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice contained within this column.
This story originally ran on GOmag.com in April 2018.
