Sex Ed Friday: Is Female Ejaculation Real?

More liquid, less shame.

Photo by istock

Doctors and sexologists alike have long debated whether or not squirting is a real thing that can happen to people with vagina’s during sex. Caveat: most articles, studies and documentation stating that squirting isn’t real (and is actually all urine) have been created by cishet men. In fact, squirting has been studied since as early as 4th Century China, “where the liquids excreted during orgasm were believed to be imbued with mystical and healthful properties.”

I am here to tell you that yes, indeed, squirting is a real, scientifically proven and incredibly pleasurable thing that can happen during sex. People with vagina’s have the capability to ejaculate when in the midst of pleasure, which can give some people a different kind of amazing orgasm than a clitoral orgasm. The thing is, while it’s entirely possible that every vagina has the capability to do so, not everyone does (or even wants) to squirt.

Ten to 40 percent of women (I know, scientific studies are still hella binary) experience the involuntary emission of fluid ranging from 30 to 150mL. Some people who have this magical ability love it and report that it enhances their sex lives, while others are embarrassed about their squirting abilities and don’t want to have it happen during partnered sex.

 

What is most debated about squirting is this: What exactly this gushy liquid actually consists of (besides pure magic, of course)? Many have argued that it’s simply urine and squirting isn’t real, that people who experience this just need to go to the bathroom before sex. But, if you are a proud squirter, then you know this liquid isn’t urine. It doesn’t smell like urine. It isn’t colored like urine. Its consistency is not that of urine and it doesn’t come from your urethra.

In the 1950’s Ernest Gräfenberg found that this type of ejaculation most often occurred with the stimulation of an erogenous zone on the front wall of the vagina (better known as the G-spot). Gräfenberg found what other researchers in the ’80s confirmed: That squirting originates from the Skene’s glands which is the equivalent of a female prostate.

The most recent study on squirting was done in France in 2014 with a group of seven cisgender women. And the results had squirters up in arms. Scientists found that the women’s bladder’s (which were emptied before sex) filled up with liquid that released during orgasm. The results showed that the majority of this liquid was “urine.” I put quotes around urine because they also found prostatic secretions in the liquid — though that’s not what any of the reports focus on. After this study, it was largely publicized that squirting is simply pee, when that is *not* true.

So, be assured my gushing babes — you are not peeing on your partners. I repeat you are not peeing on your partners. 

There may be a tiny amount of diluted urine in there since the liquid comes from your bladder but what is happening is a sexy flow of ejaculation.

So now that we’ve got the scientific mumbo-jumbo out of the way, let’s get wet n’ wild, babes.

More liquid, less shame.

A lot of people who squirt, admit to feeling shame around their bodies in these moments. As young people, we aren’t really equipped with holistic and pleasure-focused information about sex — creating a lot of unhealthy internal narratives. In conversations with other squirters, I’ve heard people say it took them years to even allow their bodies to go there during partnered sex. They were so afraid of peeing or grossing their partner out so they held back their own capacity to feel pleasure.

The first step to embracing a pleasurable sex life is de-stigmatizing our bodies amazing reactions to pleasure. When you allow yourself to feel pleasure uninhibited from past preconditioned patterns — you will feel more sexually liberated and embodied (thus, better sex).

Total relaxation. 

I can’t exactly give you “how to” instructions for squirting since every body is different. However, most people who have squirted before, report that being completely relaxed is vital. Feeling like you can release will allow it to happen naturally.

Sometimes we can get in our heads during sex. Whether it’s because you want so badly to squirt a puddle or your partner has become fixated on making you squirt — those internal narratives make it way more difficult to allow the ejaculation to happen.

Different bodies, different squirts. 

Every person who wants to and does squirt, experiences it differently. There is no one squirt fits all! Sometimes, it helps if you have a clitoral orgasm first to allow your body to feel deep in pleasure before penetration and g-spot stimulation. After that first orgasm, you might find that you experience a vaginal orgasm differently and with that added relaxation, comes ejaculation.

Other people report that they need to be f*cked really hard in order to get to the point where they feel stimulated enough to squirt. Sometimes squirting can be as small as a half teaspoon of liquid. Other times it will fill half your bed with a pool of sexy liquid. Both are amazing! Embrace the satisfaction you feel from sex and know that every time it might evolve into something different!

Save your sheets. 

If you’re a squirter and you like to have a lot of sex, then it might get really cumbersome to constantly be washing your sheets after you make a mess of them. I’d recommend purchasing the Liberator Throe Blanket because it’s moisture resistant, super soft and looks cute as a blanket lying around the house. Then you can simply throw the blanket in the washer instead of having to strip your entire bed after every playtime.

Just remember babes, your body is an amazing vessel that has the capability to feel all sorts of amazing sensations and pleasures! Allow yourself to lean into them and don’t forget to communicate with your partners about your desires.