Sex Ed Friday: How To Perfect The Art Of Oral, As Told By A Sexpert

There is no one-size-fits-all recipe!

 

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Whenever straight cis women talk about lesbian sex, I hear them say things like “It must be so easy because you just know what each other like right away,” or “Your bodies are just so familiar because you’re both women.” While first of all, this is completely ignoring the fact that not all women have the same genitals. It also is annoyingly simplistic.

No two vulvas are the same. No penis’ are the same. No two bodies are the same.

We all have different desires that give us sexual pleasure. So when it comes to giving you all advice for going down on your girl, there is no one-size-fits-all recipe to make her cum. However, there are some general tips that can help get you started.

1. Communication

Sorry to be a repetitive sex educator—but, it’s true! There were times when I was younger and much less willing to speak up for myself that someone would be going down on me and I knew exactly what I wanted (and they were not doing that) but I didn’t know I could give them directions! A lot of times I was afraid to speak up because I didn’t want my partner to feel like they weren’t doing a good job. But owning our own pleasure and creating dialogue around that is so important if we want to have better sex.

There are so many options when it comes to talking about the kind of sex you want to have with your partners. You can ask them beforehand what they’re into. For example, as your making out and slowly inching further and further down you can say “Tell me how you want to be touched tonight.”

If you’re with a new partner, it might be fun to ask them to give you step by step directions while you’re going to town. You could say something like, “How about I go down on you and try different things and you tell me what’s good, what’s better and what’s best?” They can say things like softer, harder, more tongue, right there (when you’ve hit the spot).

The point is that the lines of communication should always be open when it comes to sexual pleasure.

2. Build up to it 

Seriously, this is so important. Don’t just head downtown after making out for a hot second! Take your time with sex! The build-up adds to the pleasure later on. There are stages of sex, which usually are 1. Building desire, like actually making sure there’s mutual attraction 2. Warmup, like making out or sensual touching 3. Build up, when you start to get to the fun stuff 4. Approach, now you’re actually having sex and 5. Orgasm and 6. Re-buildup and multiple orgasms, if you’re lucky.

Every stage is equally important and making sure that you’re both super turned on by the time you’re f*cking is really important. Don’t cruise through this amazing experience.

3. Find your rhythm

A lot of people with vulvas will tell you that consistency and rhythm are key when it comes to cumming. Think about your favorite song and tap your foot to the beat. That’s rhythm. When you’re giving oral pleasure, you also have to find that rhythm inside of you. And once you do, keep it going.

The clit is very sensitive, that means that even the slightest difference in direction, speed or pressure can take something from feeling really good to f*cking amazing. The tricky part is that no one has only one rhythm that works for them. Most often, you’ll find that alternating between two different rhythm’s and working your way up to your partners’ climax is the most pleasurable route.

4. Pay attention to body language and moans

Sometimes words aren’t the best way to communicate. Being aware of sexual communication through body language, heavy breathing and moans. As Beyoncé says, “Keep me coming, keep me going, keep me humming, keep me moaning, don’t stop loving ’til the morning, don’t stop screaming, freaking, blowing.”

When words feel inaccessible because your body is in the depths of pleasure, it can be hard to tell your partner exactly what feels so amazing. And usually, you don’t even know what it is. But if you are the one giving and you’re hearing moans and their body is arching under your touch: You’re doing it right.

It’s also really important to get to know your partners’ bodies. Is moaning their thing? Or not? Are they quiet up to the point they orgasm? Or does their silence means something doesn’t feel right? These are important things to talk about and know about each other so you can check in when appropriate.

And when your partner gets to that “Ohmygod I’m going to cum” moment, don’t change anything. I mean, all bodies are different but the usual tendency on the giving end of things is to speed up or intensify what you were already doing. But keep going with the exact magic you were already doing. It will likely get here there.

5. Use your whole entire mouth (and even your nose)

Really get in there, babes. Your mouth has so much going for it! You can flatten your tongue, roll your tongue, flick your tongue. You can suck with your mouth, you can blow hot air with your mouth. You can really get in there and even your nose to your benefit! (I’ve had it done to me before and damn. That’s all I’ll say.) The point being, there is no one way to give cunnilingus. There’s also a whole entire vulva in front of you, so don’t shy away from exploring (if your partner is comfortable with that). Don’t limit yourself to just the clit or just the vagina — lick all over.

6. Pillows, props and toys!

Lockjaw is a real thing when you’re going down on someone. Use pillows and other props to your advantage when you’re giving cunnilingus. You can use one under your partners bum to prop up their body and give you more open access. You can use pillows around you to support your arms and body.

There’s also the option to bring toys into the picture. I personally love using a vibrator on my cheek when I’m giving head. It adds a slight vibration to whatever my mouth is already doing. And it feels fucking phenomenal. Honestly, that is one of my secret tips. So you’re welcome lesbian Internet. Just giving away free sex tips for all! But really, there are so many ways to use vibrators, dildos, and other toys during oral sex to make it more pleasurable.

7. Sex is mutual

Remember that even though you’re the one giving pleasure, the sex should still be amazing for you! It’s all about mutual satisfaction. You should enjoy going down on your partner just as much as they love receiving from you.

8. Also, dental dams

Unless you’ve decided to fluid bond, dental dams should be used to prevent sharing STIs. Here’s how to make dental dams sexy!