So I’m sure by now you’ve heard about “Lady Doritos.” (Doritos with a quieter crunch and less chemical cheese residue.) *Cue the internet losing its mind and feminist Twitter coming up with some of the most golden tweets I’ve ever witnessed.*
About to sit down and write an angry letter to Doritos. pic.twitter.com/CXEWt1Xb1s
— Molly Hodgdon (@Manglewood) February 5, 2018
But we can all simmer down: the Lady Doritos are fake news. (I’m a little sad TBH, because, as an anxious writer that eats in silence next to my fabulous coworkers and overanalyzes the volume of my chewing everyday, I wouldn’t mind a quieter snack.)
.@Doritos we’ve been through enough this year.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) February 5, 2018
I hate to say this, you guys, but I like lady-themed things. I know, I know, I’m used to being the problematic dyke princess. Our world is really f*cking gendered, and it’s annoying! It’s damaging! It’s stupid! But since it’s our reality, and apparently marketers love to give us pink and sparkly pens and razors, let’s imagine some other lady-themed things that would actually help us, shall we?
1. Lady Beer that doesn’t give you DADS (day after drinking shits)
2. Nail polish that doesn’t chip 5 seconds after your manicure
3. Brazilian waxes that don’t give you ingrowns
4. Liquid lipstick that doesn’t make your lips dry AF
5. Hair extensions that can’t be ripped out during rough sex
6. Button-downs that consider lady curves
7. Bath bombs that won’t give you a yeast infection
8. Eyeliner that wings itself
9. Lady movies that don’t revolve around men
10. A boss bitch lady President
WE DO NOT WANT: #LadyDoritos
Lady Laxatives
Lady Power Tools
Lady Shavers
Little Lady Lego
Lady WagesWE DO WANT:
Lady Prime Minister
Lady Leaders
Lady Pope pic.twitter.com/7W8nmvIhfd— Julia Baird (@bairdjulia) February 6, 2018
In the meantime, we’ll keep doing the work to burn the patriarchy to the ground. For real, though.
What Do You Think?