10 Reasons I’m Grateful I’m Not Straight

Number five won’t surprise many lesbians.

There are just certain straight things we don’t understand, and certain things about being gay that make life better. How do I love not being straight? Lez me count the ways.

1. Our friends are less likely to torture us with heteronormative-style parties, including but not limited to, gender reveals, traditional baby showers, and housewarmings that feel like 1950s-era Stepford wives’ meetings. Case in point below.

2. Sports bars are horrifying

Queer spaces are really f*cking cool. Especially because we don’t have TVs broadcasting guys running from one end of a field to another while a bunch of drunk men scream. And straight people say we’re the weirdos? (Yes, girljocks: WNBA and women’s softball games get a pass on this one.)

3. The depth and sacredness of queer friendship

4. We are hotter, as proven by science*

*My opinion. But also, popular culture seems to think we are too.

5. We are more likely to have orgasms, as proven by science**

**Actual science. One study found that 86% of lesbians “usually or always” orgasmed during sex, while only 65% of straight girls do.

6. If we do something embarrassing, it’s considered ‘camp’

When straight people do something embarrassing, like, say, fall down the stairs, they hang their heads in shame. Since we’ve had to learn to overcome shame and insult from a young age, we turn that shit into performance art as adults. A gay man shatters a wine glass? Camp. A lesbian slips on a banana peel? Camp. A drag queen does anything? C-A-M-P.

7. No bad t-shirts

We may wear the hell out of rainbow shit, but my fellow queers should be filled with gratitude that we don’t have to wear “I’m with stupid” and “Stupid” t-shirts. (Or those ubiquitous Bun in the Oven/Dad Bod crew necks.)

8. We never have to go on “Love Is Blind”

Finally, one of the only times a lack of inclusivity is a win for us.

9. We actually like our partners

@the_sexpert #stitch with @strawberrymilkmob #gay #lgbt #lgbtq #fyp #dating #hetero ♬ original sound – The_Sexpert

“The Tragedy Of Heterosexuality” by Jane Ward explores the many facets of why we should be grateful to be gay, one of them being that straight people have to work really hard to like each other. Just watch “Everybody Loves Raymond” or “King of Queens” or almost any TV sitcom about a married straight couple in the last 30 years as proof.

10.  Our side of the Internet is way funnier


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