It’s no secret that we gays are OBSESSED with our horoscopes. And the horoscopes of that girl we went on that one Tinder date with. We aggressively check both of our signs to see if we’re compatible. Plus the horoscopes of our exes so that we can scream from the rooftops, “I’ll never date a [insert sign here] again!” But have you ever wondered which sign is the most lesbian?
This is a comprehensive list of the astrological signs ranked by lesbianism, backed by science and fact. If you find out you’re actually straight, don’t come crying to me. Blame it on the stars. Without further adieu, I present to you, my little celestial queer, the astrology signs ranked by The Kinsey Scale.
12. Sagittarius, 0 on The Kinsey Scale
Sagittariuses are very straight. That’s right, exclusively heterosexual. This could just be because I don’t know any Sagittarians, but more than likely it’s just because y’all are straight as hell. Vineyard Vines, teeth whitening, Michael Kors watches on anniversaries (straight culture at its finest), losing your shit over The Chainsmokers, and splitting bills with their friends down to the penny.
11. Libra, 1 on the Kinsey Scale
You are balanced and sensible so def straight because gays are extra and insane. You are so straight you haven’t even experimented in college. You color code your closet and can only have sex with the lights off in missionary.
10. Aquarius, 2 on The Kinsey Scale
Aquarius is straight but has definitely experimented. They won’t let you forget it, either, as it’s the most interesting thing about them. Give an Aquarius a glass of wine and the first “secret” they’ll share is that they kissed a girl in college. :::gasp:::
9. Gemini, 3 on The Kinsey Scale
Obviously the twins are equally homosexual and heterosexual – bisexual babe. They get extra lez points for usually being emotional intense, and lovers of art and poetry.
8. Virgo, 5 on The Kinsey Scale
The closeted lesbian. Come on out, babe. Your sexy nerdy librarian look will *fly* in the Brooklyn queer community.
7. Pisces, 5 on The Kinsey Scale
bushwick gays: pic.twitter.com/kDfzKyizvm
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The art-y queer who lives in Bushwick, writes long-winded essays on the harmfulness of gentrification but opens up an overpriced coffee shop by buying out a community center. Loves going on Tinder dates and talking about polyamory and the downfall of capitalism. They are, indeed, very queer.
6. Leo, 5 on The Kinsey Scale
The attention-whore femme. Leo is extremely gay because she is all things extra. There is no room for fluidity for the Leo lez because she goes big or goes home. And she is all D-Y-K-E, baby. She’s also an insufferable narcissist and will lean toward straight if it gets her attention and a free drink – so no perfect score for Leo.
5. Aries, 6 on The Kinsey Scale
The headset lesbian. The Aries lez loves to be in control. She will fix your computer then give you the best head of your life. Aries are inherently tech lesbians and rate a perfect score on the Kinsey Scale.
4. Scorpio, 6 on The Kinsey Scale
The complicated lesbian. You are the sexiest sign, so you are obviously extremely gay. You’re the dark brooding girl with a cigarette and serious eyes hangin’ outside the gay bar. You are also the best sex any of us have ever had.
3. Taurus, 6 on The Kinsey Scale
The swag lesbian. Stubborn, dominant, HOT, and GAY. The Taurus woman is an extremely lez entity.
2. Capricorn, tipping over 6 on The Kinsey Scale
The power lesbian. A very, very gay sign! Usually a top. Always looks amazing in menswear. You can spot a Capricorn lez from a mile away `cause Capricorns are gay, gay, gay.
1. Cancer, Infinity on The Kinsey Scale
The needy lesbian. Cancer is the gayest of them all because Cancer is the most emotional of them all. When you think of a stereotypical lesbian in love, aggressively planning the future and being clingy AF, wanting to take baths and endlessly talk about their feelings, you are thinking of a CANCER, darling.