I’ve always been the type of person who needs a lot of alone time to replenish my social energy. It’s like I have an extroverted battery life that has a finite limit and my recharging process is just chilling with me, myself, and I. This means that I learned early on in life how to be comfortable in public going solo. I think the first solo date I ever took myself on was in high school.
It’s super embarrassing to admit it — but I really wanted to see the movie rendition of “Phantom Of The Opera.” I had a huge crush on Emmy Rossum, OK?! Don’t judge me. I didn’t want to tell any of my friends about my guilty pleasure of musical movies, so I went for a dinner and movie date night on my own. I was definitely a little nervous and felt awkward like everyone was judging me for being a loner. But at the end of the night, I realized how much I needed that experience. It was so affirming to know with confidence that I could go out into the big bad world with just myself and enjoy my own company.
I know not everyone has had such epiphanies at the ripe age of 17 — and I’ve learned a lot in my decade of solo dates. I want to divulge some of those secrets so that you too can take yourself out for a damn good time. You don’t need any woman on your arm, buying your cocktail, or planning your dates (though all of those things are amazing, and we should all experience those pleasures in life too because we all deserve to be taken care of like a princess — OK back to the independent Corinne).
There are different types of solo dates you can treat yourself to.
I’m not going to lie, dinner and a movie is actually one of my favorite dates to do by myself and I try to make a habit of it at least once a month. I take myself out to one of my favorite restaurants, bring a book that has likely been collecting dust on my bedside table, order a tall glass of red wine, and definitely save room for dessert. Because you’re a fancy ass bitch who deserves sweet things. Usually, I take this opportunity to go watch a movie I might not admit to my friends that I want to go see. Like a dorky Rom-Com or a weird indie film that looks kind of freaky. That’s the amazing part — you don’t have to cater to anyone else’s viewing pleasure when it’s just you, babes!
Do you love scary movies but your girlfriend hates them?! Leave her at home for the night and go to the scariest movie in theaters right now.
When you’re feeling more confident in your solo date game, you can try a more daring option. There is the solo cocktail bar date — where you find a fancy cocktail bar (preferably one with live jazz or blues music) and get dressed up real dapper for yourself before going to the bar. Or you could really surprise yourself and go out dancing solo. The best is to find upbeat music, or even your favorite band and dance the night away. You only live once and I think we should all experience getting lost in a crowd of strangers whilst feeling the beat of your favorite music, at least once.
If you’re more of a day-date gal, then, of course, you can do a brunch and spa day for yourself. I love to bring a new book out to brunch and got lost in the pages while the hustle and bustle of a Sunday boozy brunch swirls around me. Afterwards, I definitely suggest treating yourself to a mani/pedi or massage.
When was the last time you took yourself out on a solo date? I mean like really, truly took yourself out for something you love to do, got dressed up for yourself n got to know yourself better in the process. This is from a night a while back when I took myself to my favorite bar for live music n fancy cocktails n finished a poetry book that had been collecting dust on my shelf for months. You deserve to fall more in love with you 🖤
It doesn’t matter if you’re single or in a relationship.
I cannot stress this factor enough. Of course, I probably go on more solo dates when I’m not in a relationship — but I still try to make time for myself when I’m dating other people. I remember the first time I told my ex-girlfriend about this monthly movie tradition of mine and she questioned me.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you? I don’t care what movie you want to go see. You don’t have to go alone,” she stressed. I had to explain to her (like 10 times) that this is a thing I like to do on my own, it’s not just something I do when I’m single and lonely. It’s like, actually fun for me.
You deserve to fall more in love with you, whether you’re partnered or not. I would actually argue that it’s sometimes even more important when you’re dating someone — because you should each have autonomy and time alone so you don’t lose your own identity within the relationship. When I go on solo dates, I get to know myself better. Sometimes I meet strangers and have beautiful conversations with them that I’d never have if I was grabbing drinks with someone else. Or I simply allow myself to experience something in a new way. Because it is different spending time alone rather than with someone else. But it’s different in a good way.
How to get past the awkwardness.
You have to embrace the awkwardness. It might be a lingering feeling the first couple of times you do this. But after a while, you’ll find your groove and confidence. Until you get that shiny glow of self-assurance — here are a few tips to get through it.
1. Start off with an interactive date, like a movie. No one talks to other people during movies (and if they do, they’re being annoying AF) so it’s a perfect introduction to spending time alone while in public. You get to cozy up in a dark theater with all your snacks and enjoy yourself.
2. Bring a book with you. This is honestly the best advice for solo dates. If you have a book — whether you’re at dinner, a bar, a coffee shop, doesn’t matter — it’s like a protective shield from letting your anxiety consume you.
3. If you’re going out to a restaurant, sit at the bar. I’m not sure why this is, but when I sit at a table by myself, I feel like people are pitying me. Like I’m so alone or something. But when I’m at the bar enjoying my meal, it feels totally normal. Maybe I’m just making this all up in my head — but sitting at the bar definitely helps me ease my anxiety and feel more confident and sexy.
4. Treat it like a real date. Get dressed up the way you do for all those random Tinder girls. Put on lipstick if that’s your thing. Wear underwear that makes you feel sexy. This is a date! You’re allowed to feel yourself, you know what I mean?
5. Masturbate when you get home from your date. I’m not joking, it’s the sex educator in me. After a date, couples usually have sex, right? So why shouldn’t you f*ck yourself after the amazing date you just went on?! Quality time with yourself is so important, babes. Indulge a little.
So, there you have it. All the ways to master the art of a fabulous night on the town on your lonesome. Try it out and let me know how it went.