I’ve got to admit that as much of a feminist killjoy that I am, I still have a soft spot in my heart for Valentine’s Day. I know you’re all surprised because it’s very off-brand for my usual anti-capitalist white supremacist patriarchy rants. But, let me explain. What I love about this semi-Holiday isn’t the candy, the advertisements, the jewelry, the over-saturation of seeing heteronormativity — what makes me swoon a little bit about this day is that it reminds everyone to integrate a little more *love* into our lives.
I’ve always loved this aspect of Valentine’s Day because everyone is a little more tender, a little kinder and a little more willing to be vulnerable. Whether I’m single or wrapped up in a lover, I always take time to fall a little deeper in love. Sometime’s that love is focused on myself, other times it’s been completely on my friends, and occasionally on a lover.
I am a romantic AF bitch. Like, this morning I was listening to my favorite podcast Food 4 Thot and they were talking about how some of them feel really uncomfortable with expressing romantic love and aren’t sure they’ve ever been in love. To me, that seems so wild. Because I fall in love so easily and give all of myself to the love that I feel. But that’s a whole other piece for another day, babes.
Since I am such a lover of this (sometimes) hated Holiday, I wanted to share my tips of how to spend it if you’re single and feeling a little more lonely. I totally get that. These oversaturated Holiday’s put a lot of pressure on us and it can feel completely overwhelming. It’s hard to be forced to see so many images of heteronormative couples purchasing all the gifts for one another — when our very right to exist as queer and trans folx is under constant attack.
Here are five ways you can spend V-Day if your single and not quite sure what to do with your night (but don’t want to wallow in self-pity and loneliness and a bottle of wine). Ignore all the capitalist patriarchal bullsh*t and focus on love (in all its forms).
1. Have a celebratory photoshoot.
There is nothing more fun than having a solo photoshoot to celebrate your beauty. And why not do a Valentine’s themed shoot where you dress up in whatever makes you feel your *most sexy* then cover yourself with rose petals. I’m imagining something very Rihanna vibe, like the image below.
You can have a photographer friend take your pics or just a regular friend with a nice phone. Then post the series to your Insta on the morning of V-Day. Not only are you celebrating your own relationship with yourself, but you’re also setting a thirst trap that will definitely get some hotties sliding into your DM’s. Not complaining about it, TBH.
2. Treat your friends like your lovers.
This is actually my favorite way to spend V-Day, even when I’m partnered. A few years back, I planned the most extra dinner with my close group of friends. We cooked a delicious meal, set the table super fancy and even had a signature cocktail for the eve. All of us got decked out in our best outfits and had the most beautiful celebration of our friendships.
If you have a bestie who is also single, invite them over for dinner (whether you order in or cook together). Pour them a luscious lavender and rose petal bath afterward while you sit in the bathroom and gab over past and future lovers and eat all the best chocolate treats together. Or have a movie night of your favorite queer empowering films (definitely not “Kissing Jessica Stein”). There are so many options! But take this loving day to expend some of that intimate energy on your friends. Treat them to flowers, chocolate, extra hugs, platonic cuddles, baths, meals — whatever your love language is. Platonic intimacy is so important and keeps us all thriving when we’re able to be vulnerable and loving with our friends.
3. Plan a singles mixer.
Last year, I interviewed match maker Tammy Shaklee about how to find “the one” (even though I’m not sure I believe in that mentality). She had some interesting and helpful advice. One of her tips was to host a singles mixer the weekend after Valentines Day. You invite all your single friends and they each have to bring a single friend who might not necessarily be in the same friend group. If couples want to come, they have to bring a “dateable single” with them to the party.
You could get the dinner catered, do it potluck style, or have it just be a drinks and appetizer thing — to keep it simple for you. Then everyone gets to mix and mingle and who knows, you all just might meet a new queer babe you totally vibe with.
4. Treat yourself to the most lavish night.
If you’re more of a solo babe and don’t really want to be around other people for Valentine’s Day, I totally feel you. But don’t just sit in your room and mope, babe. You deserve more than that! Take this time to fall more in love with yourself. I know that sounds so cheesy but self-love takes constant work and effort. Intimate moments on your lonesome actually are really healthy.
My suggestion is to head over to Groupon and find a hotel deal. Book yourself a beautiful hotel room, with great views. Bonus points if it has access to a pool or tub. Order some decadent meal from room service, lay around in the hotel robe they give you and write a letter to your future self to open next Valentine’s Day about how fabulous and badass you are. Be sure to include what kind of loves you want to manifest in this next year. (Pro tip, bring your fave vibrator with you.)
5. Take a chance on a first date.
This is for all you bold and daring babes out there. Have you been messaging with someone super hot lately on Tinder, Zoe, OkCupid or one of the many other dating apps? Have you been texting with the hottie you met at Hot Rabbit last weekend?
I dare you to take a risk and plan to meet up with her for cocktails on Valentine’s Day. If you really vibe, how cute would it be to tell everyone that your first date was on V-Day?!