It’s no secret that “Holly-weird” celebrities are just about the zaniest bunch of kooks around. But, of course, the uber-famous queer icons are the ones who do the wildest and most fascinating things! My personal celebrity trend obsession right now is the many eccentric and downright wackadoodle disguises that celebrities come up with either as elaborate methods of hiding from paparazzi or as supremely absurd publicity stunts. After going down a seemingly unending click-hole to look at all the insane ways celebrities have dressed to conceal their identities, I finally decided to compile this short list of the best ones. Feast your eyes in amazement at the totally preposterous looks these silly celebs have served up over the years!
Cara Delevigne, Master Of Disguise
By now, you’re probably well aware of Cara Delevigne: queer supermodel and actress extraordinaire. Whether she’s noodling “Sweet Home Alabama” on the guitar behind her head, beatboxing the night away, singing the chorus in her ex-girlfriend St. Vincent’s song “Pills,” or waltzing with Pharrell in whatever this is, she’s always a larger-than-life human party favor, turning heads and taking names. One of her most eccentric talents is her uncanny ability to create totally zany moments with paparazzi by way of her wild disguises. While it’s a bit of a stretch to say that someone walking down the street in a gas mask, dressed in Katy Perry’s pizza onesie, or, most recently, cleverly arranging a stuffed monkey over her face is “not trying to be noticed,” Cara Delevigne’s many stylish disguises seem to present such interesting fashion camouflage that they effectively hide her in plain sight.
We all know it could only be Cara roaming around London underneath her little fox mask or what-have-you, but it’s the mark of a true master of disguise to sort of tickle the funny bone and the imagination in get-ups that aren’t exactly unfashionable in and of themselves. Although one could argue that anything young Miss Delevingne is wearing at any given time automatically feels as if it’s the next “it” garment, her madcap antics in and of themselves seem to create fun little fashion-performance art moments recalling Lady Gaga slowly leaving various places in fashionable outfits in 2013 or a Shia LeBouf showing up to a red carpet with a bag over his head. Whatever’s going on, in the world of queer girl fandom, she’s most assuredly a treasure. Shine on, Cara!
St. Vincent Performing While Dressed As A Toilet
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Saw you pray to all to make you a real boy. #stvincent #annieclark #nycmusic #caradelevingne #toilet
St. Vincent, patron saint of all queer icons, has been known to pull off some pretty wild looks throughout her career. She’s certainly an artist whose performance blurs the line between art and music. But perhaps none of her performances have been quite as inexplicably comedic as when she performed at Le Poisson Rouge in 2016 in full regalia as a toilet, complete with a backup dancer dressed as a colon. What a kidder! She also performed “New York” that night, which she admitted on Instagram was at least in part about her then-girlfriend Cara Delevingne. Despite the large toilet bowl protruding from her pelvis (not a euphemism or a shady comment, just an observation), she was expertly capable of hammering out all the face-melting guitar solos she’s become known for. It’s safe to say that St. Vincent’s seat on the proverbial art-pop throne is her own, and her reign as queen of the gays is far from over.
For those of you just coming out or tuning in, Ellen Degeneres is the lesbian comedic vox populi. She’s the Big Kahuna! The Big Squeeze! The veritable Top Dog of Gay! She speaks gay in a dialect we can all understand. In her case, that’s largely “observational humor.” So, given her propensity to keeping her eyes peeled for hilarity, she’s naturally incredibly adept at the art of the “sight gag.” My favorite of Ellen’s many many visually daft moments was when she dressed as Dr. Phil for an episode of her talk show in 2003. What can I say? I’m a sucker for a bald cap!
Kate McKinnon as Jeff Sessions
Kate McKinnon is another one of those queer icons known for serving up disguises out the wazoo! Few skits are more popular than her many SNL stints as former Attorney General Jeff Sessions. Interesting tidbit: I’ve noticed that her wigs for this character appear to get shoddier and generally worse with each appearance. For me, it adds to the funny significantly and perhaps serves as an apt metaphor for the decay and collapse of our democratic government which the sketches themselves are often parodying. But, hey! In end-stage capitalism, we certainly have to laugh to keep from crying. In my humble opinion, Kate McKinnon’s Jeff Sessions impressions present all the elements of comedy and tragedy in equal measure!
Sarah Paulson & Holland Taylor In Panda and Harley Quinn Onesies
Nothing on this entire planet is cuter or more uplifting to me than obsessing over Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor’s undying love for one another. It’s like watching a million adorable baby kitten videos every time these two love birds grace my computer or iPhone screen. If you haven’t had a chance to partake in their delightful day to day Instagram posts and tweets about each other, you are missing out on a queer love that is one for the books. That’s why I almost swallowed my gum when I first glimpsed photos of these two holding hands in matching Halloween onesies for M. Night Shyamalan’s Halloween party in 2017. In truly famous lesbian fashion, the two were caught giggling by paparazzi in panda (Sarah Paulson) and Harley Quin (Holland Taylor) onesies. Oh, what it must be to have a love so effortlessly charming and totally crush-worthy as these two! Thank Goddess that they exist!
Well, now you know! There’s way more where that came from that didn’t make the list. These ridiculous celebrity disguises from queer icons just keep coming. I look forward to Halloween being around the corner so we can get a whole new crop of comical costumes!
