Lesbian Couple In British Columbia Engaged In Turf War With Cats Over Vitamix Blender

George, Destroyer of Worlds, Lando Calrissian, and Max guard their Vitamix box.

In a letter to Vitamix, Gerson-Neeves refers to herself and her wife as “the absolute bonkers middle-aged lesbians who are losing a stand-off with their cats.”

A lesbian couple in British Columbia is currently involved in a turf war with their three feline housemates over an unusual prize: a Vitamix blender.

Jessica Gerson-Neeves and her wife, Nikii, received the blender on December 16. Immediately after Gerson-Neeves placed the box on the kitchen floor – “This was our first mistake,” Gerson-Neeves wrote in a letter to Vitamix – one of the couples’ three cats hopped up onto it. 

The stand-off that followed, which the couple documented on social media, quickly turned into an internet sensation. 

In a saga that played out online, the couple was thwarted in its attempts to access the blender by their feline companions, who took turns guarding the box, sometimes two at a time. The couple even tried to lure the cats away with decoy boxes, but apparently none were as tempting at the Vitamix box. 

The “battle” has earned the Gerson-Neeves, and their feline friends Lando Calrissian, Max, and George, Destroyer of Worlds, over 25,000 followers, according to NPR.

“Certainly, we could relocate them. They don’t weigh a ton,” said Gerson-Neeves of the cats in an interview with the news outlet. “But why would we end something that is bringing us so much laughter? The cats are having a good time, and so many other people are enjoying this as well. I think we all are very much in need of something that is silly and low stakes right now.” 

The turf war reached a new level on January 2, when Gerson-Neeves came up with a rather creative solution to her and her wife’s dilemma: She composed what she described as “the weirdest contact I’ve ever sent” to Vitamix, requesting that the company send not new blenders – “that would be ridiculous, and while we’re definitely ridiculous, we’re not quite that ridiculous” – but some decoy boxes. 

“Other cardboard boxes seem to lack the appeal of the Vitamix box,” she writes, which as she’d stated earlier in the letter, “has been occupied by at least one and sometimes two cats at a time.” 

She added, “In case you are wondering yes, I am ashamed of both writing and posting this letter. I both dread and look forward to hearing your response, and encourage you (as I’m sure you are finding yourself with the urge to do so) to spread it to your colleagues as widely as you would like in order to laugh at the absolute bonkers middle-aged lesbians who are losing a stand-off with their cats.

Yes, we are a stereotype.” 

As it turned out, the Gerson-Neeves had no need to worry. Vitamix sent the couple three boxes, as per the request. However, after receiving requests from followers not to call a truce with the cats so soon, Gerson-Neeves tells NPR that she and her wife have decided to let the stand-off continue a bit longer.

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