I am an extremely extra person, so it physically pains me that I can’t have long ass obnoxious acrylics (I know there are a million different opinions on this hot-button lez topic, but I, personally, don’t want anything getting in the way of getting down and dirty.)
In college, both my girlfriend and I had acrylic nails and regularly had penetrative sex, but we had tame, almond-shaped nails. Now I’m craving something a little more extra. I’m talking almost debilitatingly long coffin or stiletto nails. I want to live my best Lana Del Rey wannabe life.
With all the incessant lez debate about long nails, I always fantasized about my favorite solution: two short nails on the pointer and middle finger, dubbed by some queer babes as the “femme-icure” or “queer manicure.” But to be honest, I was always too shy to ask for a “femme-icure.”
I’m the type of person who will walk out of the nail salon with the completely wrong color, for fear of speaking up, so I wasn’t about to make a request as bold as two short nails.
So I decided to seek out a salon that would give me the nails of my dreams and not make me feel weird about it. I found Wild Oleander on Instagram, and right away, they screamed the femme oasis of my dreams. I mean, look how damned adorable their decor is.
I’m sure there are lots of queer girls out there like me who have always wanted a femme-icure but have been too shy or anxious to ask for one. So I decided to make it my lez duty to find a solution. My fab managing editor, Corinne Kai, and I eagerly arrived to the cute AF Wild Oleander. There was a little lounging area outside with comfy and chic seating, lush green plants, and V instagram worthy knick-knacks. We sat on some retro yellow chairs and polished off our overpriced Brooklyn lattes before heading inside. Then we were greeted by Melissa, the beautiful and friendly manager of Wild Oleander. I thanked her for putting up with my shit – changing my appointment time incessantly. (Making appointments when you work in queer media during Pride week is close to impossible.) She brought us glasses of water while we lounged on the velvet pink couch. Even the glasses went with the ’70s girl-haven aesthetic.
Then it was time for the femme-icure. I didn’t have a moment of panic asking for two short nails, because I’d already gotten the email-okay from Melissa. It was nice to feel comfortable. My amazing nail artist, Ria, was at first confused by my request, but I felt like I was among friends.
“Why do you want two short ones?” she asked with innocence.
I had to make a choice. I could play it like it was a new trend, or say it was for, like, typing. Or I could lez up and tell the truth.
“Umm…For…” No. I was gonna just go for it. “They’re for sex.” I declared without breaking eye contact.
“Live your best life, girl,” she said, and I felt instantly comfortable. For someone who has kept their sexuality a secret from my beauty team my entire life, it felt liberating to be myself.
Then she SLAYED THE HELL OUT OF MY NAILS! I was seriously in awe at the precision of her lines, the intricacy of her designs, the beauty of the jewels she embedded on my nails. She even made sure to seal the jewels in so they wouldn’t hurt my bae. The ally we deserve.
Every step of the way, Corinne and I ooh-ed and ah-ed over how insanely gorgeous my nails were. I was grateful I told Ria to do whatever she wanted, because her artistic vision was way more amazing than anything my brain could’ve thought up. She is a true artist.
While she hand painted zig-zags, squiggles, and geometric shapes on my nails, we talked and laughed with all the other amazing women that work at Wild Oleander. If you want a salon with the sophistication of a high-end service, but with the comfort and non-pretentiousness of girl talk in a local salon, then Wild Oleander is your place. What could be better? The fact that they serve wine. So you can get turnt while your nails do.
The finished product took my breath away. See for yourself, babe.
Another cause I can’t get enough.
While I was there, I had the chance to snag a brief lil’ interview for you GO babes.
GO Magazine: Can queer and lesbian women feel welcome and comfortable coming into Wild Oleander for a nail service?
Wild Oleander: Yes, of course! We are a gender neutral salon, where we celebrate women, female empowerment, and diversity. Our doors are always open and welcoming!
GO: Are you offering any special Pride designs for this weekend?
WO: We have already created a few custom PRIDE looks which you can view on our Instagram. We have also designed a custom Pride Set to celebrate the whole month. This week we have a few Pride nail sets that have been booked, and we are excited to collaborate on these designs with our clients!
GO: What is your salon’s speciality?
WO: We specialize in gel nail art, where we create custom looks, and also monthly specials for the nail art beginner! Wild Oleander prides itself on staying on trend with our nail designs, and strives to constantly stay innovative and creative with all the art we produce. This beauty salon is Female owned and celebrates the strong, independent, powerful, everyday woman :).
Now let’s talk about ~the sex~. My girlfriend was slightly terrified, but I can assure you, honey – she ended up LOVING my long nails. So I couldn’t resist dragging them lightly against myself (yes, there), and let me tell you. It felt divine. Then began the scratching. What’s sexier than scratching your nails down bae’s back, all while knowing that you have two fingers to f*ck them with?
I vote the femme-icure as the absolute best of both worlds. You get the lewk of an intense, sexy manicure, but the comfort and freedom to sex as you would with short nails. I highly recommend Wild Oleander as an amazing, professional, fun, and most of all, queer friendly salon. My only complaint is that it’s taken me double the time to type this essay. These nails take some getting used to, honey.
What Do You Think?