Breakups are hard. But they’re a part of life that we all go through at some point or another. How you get through those tough times is what matters most. Do you dive into your work and forget that your ex ever existed? Do you pine over their social media posts for months on end? Do you try to stay friends with them in attempts to make them jealous?
We all have our vices when in post-breakup mode and I’ll bet that they’re largely informed by your zodiac sign. Scroll at your own risk and only if you’re prepared for the hard AF truth.
Aries: You Burn Bridges
Aries, you just do not care. Once it’s over, it’s over. You will not blink before setting fire to all the memories of an ex. The few weeks after a breakup are the busiest weeks for you. You’ll pile things in your schedule and meet new people. You’ll say it’s because now, finally, you get to do these things and that the relationship was holding you back. But in reality, it’s because you can’t be alone and think of your ex.
Post breakup, Aries will push themselves into their goals because, whether you admit to it or not, there’s really only one standard of success for any Aries—you want to be better than all your exes combined. Congrats on your breakup, Aries. You’ve just found fresh meat for competing against.
Taurus: You Internalize The Pain
Taurus stays the same after a breakup. Your life is regular, before, during, and after. Inside, you’re dealing with crippling pain but you take comfort in routines. You’re still going to eat the same breakfast, take the same walk, and chill after work. It’s almost as if you’re just waiting for the moment to pass. This is because you know that time and only time will heal all, Taurus.
You’re right about the time heals all thing—only, you’re also the sign that is most likely to be completely unchanged by a relationship, even relationships that were meant to challenge and change you. Many Tauruses get into the same relationship over and over again and even break up the same way. Don’t be that Taurus. Be better by getting better.
Gemini: You Get A Little Crazy
One thing a Gemini can’t do post breakup is be alone. Not only will you subtweet your ex—your millions of followers will share the diss until your relationship is just a meme. You’re laughing when you want to cry. You might call your ex at 3 AM crying– but will be laughing by morning. When you, dear Gemini, realize that your relationship was illogical, you start acting illogical.
It’s true—a breakup makes a Gemini go deep into an emotional vortex first. It’s because you do not know how to handle emotions. The only way you know how to counterbalance the unbearable pain is to crack a bunch of jokes about yourself and your ex. Let yourself laugh. You need it. If you want to be friends with an ex eventually, it is possible. Gemini is a flexible sign that will learn from the past.
Cancer: You’re Clingy
LOL Cancer—sorry I don’t mean that. It’s just that Cancers won’t break up. If you date a Cancer for three months, it takes six to break up. This is true no matter who is doing the ending. You’ll know when you, dear Cancer, are almost done with the relationship when you cling even tighter and seem to have lost the capacity to give your partner any space at all.
Basically, you will spend a few weeks after a breakup just sitting there with your eyes closed, thinking about how your ex partner’s smell will fade from your pillow. You, dear Cancer, will make yourself cry with thoughts like that because you’re addicted to the adrenaline such sadness produces. At some point, it has nothing to do with your ex-partner. You are just defined by your sadness now. Only after you’re satisfied that the moment was emotionally poignant enough, will you move on.
Leo: You Are A Black Hole
Honestly, Leo, how you act after a breakup depends heavily on whether if was you who did the breaking up or whether someone broke your heart. If you broke up with the other person, things are fine. I mean, the person was f*cking with your vibes and, if they were really important, you would never have let them go.
If they broke up with you, all hell breaks lose. How is it possible for someone to be that close to you and not notice just how magnificent you are? I mean, who on earth would be willing to let you go? You know what happens when the Sun implodes, right? That’s right—the solar system dies and turns into a black hole. Leo is that black hole.
Virgo: You’re Cynical
You know what a Virgo is? It’s someone who literally does not give a shit whether they’re in a relationship or not. Honestly, a relationship is just so much work and you, dear Virgo, are kind of glad no one is clogging your shower drain with hairs now. Sure, you’re melancholic post breakup like any earth sign, but the root of Virgo is the virgin.
That’s right, a Virgo can be with someone for twenty years and there will still be a spot inside them that’s been left completely untouched by a partner’s presence. In fact, this spot is Virgo’s core self. You are the perpetually untouched, not by sadness, not by anger, and not by joy. Virgo is cynical about breakups and cynical about relationships. That’s why it seems like you act pretty much the same during one and after one.
Libra: You Act Like You Never Broke Up
You’re just as desperate to prove that you’re over the relationship as fast as any Aries but the way you do this is by continually nudging the person, sending them memes or updates on your day, as if you never even broke up. Sometimes, Libra, people say “Let’s still be friends” and they don’t actually mean it. Even if they do, the type of friendship they mean isn’t one where the relationship basically stays the same.
If you think you’re over something, Libra, you won’t constantly be swamped with fantasies of running into your ex and proving just how over it you are. Don’t plan a “friendship” where your goal is to make it so the other person is still pining for. That being said, you’re the sign that’s most likely to be friends with every single one of your exes. At some point, it seems like your friends are just a collection of people who were all attracted to you at some point.
Scorpio: You Can’t Let Go
You know that old adage that says it takes half the time of any relationship to get over it? Well, for Scorpio, make that twice as long. Scorpio, you will say that you are over a certain someone but still check up on their social media profiles every Thursday night.
Scorpio, face it—you were never made to let go of things. You still remember the time your ex used a pen and didn’t give it back and, every now and then, think about what would happen if you made a point of asking for said pen back. Let the pen go, Scorpio. It doesn’t work anymore anyway and the other person doesn’t even remember taking it. This pen is a metaphor for the relationship and the love you gave.
Sagittarius: Your Higher Self Wished For It
I honestly have no idea how you, dear Sagittarius, handle heartbreak because you never talk about it. You see, Sagittarius believes in the power of The Secret. You believe that things happen only because you think they will. You think your breakup happened because you were subconsciously hoping for it.
So, you, dear Sagittarius, don’t talk about the breakup (unless it’s in a positive spin) because talking about bad things tells the universe you want bad things. You simply look up at the sky, take some kind of trip, and tell your brain to tell you another story. You’re bored of hearing about this one.
Capricorn: You’ll Be Hella Productive
Capricorn is only going through this because they have to and by “this,” I mean life. This includes the breakup, sure, but it also includes the entirety of the relationship and everything else too. That’s right, Capricorn, you were only with your partner because you felt like you should be. But that’s not a bad thing– you take things as they are. If you break up with someone, you did so under some obligation and, if you got broken up with, you swallowed it easily because you’ve learned to accept anything from life.
You’re the only sign that finds happiness in melancholy and will go into one of your most productive periods. You’re writing poetry, papers, or solving mysteries of the universe. You will also likely want to eventually be friends with your ex because you feel like you should be.
Aquarius: You Don’t Process Your Emotions
After a breakup, you, dear Aquarius, basically think that you’re over it in half an hour…except for those nagging little feelings in your chest. “What’s the difference between being in a relationship and not being in one?” asks Aquarius. “Aren’t we floating around in an unknown on a giant, hot rock anyway? What does it matter in the grand scheme of things?”
Well, Aquarius, the thing is, you aren’t the universe or a piece of rock floating in it, even if you are made of star stuff. You’re you and you just got your heart broken. That cramping pain in your chest is how heartbreak feels. That’s why those tears come at night.
Pisces: You’re A Stalker Who Doesn’t Want To Be Contacted
Do not contact a Pisces post breakup, ever. The amount of time that passes does not matter because Pisces don’t really experience time. A day and a year is the same to them. Just let them chill because they already believe they are in telepathic communication with you.
Oh, that’s right. Pisces knows exactly what is going on with their exes lives, who they’re dating, and their career.
If an ex sends you a text, Pisces, you will ask why they got laid off and why they didn’t go running back into your arms when it happened. You’ll demand to know why they didn’t think of you when they re-watched Mad Man a month ago because you watched the first run of it together. And you’ll remind them that when you broke up, certain conditions were set and that included never contacting you again ever. That includes entering into your dream space unannounced by using telepathic powers.