6 Romantic Date Ideas—But They’re Actually Just Insane ‘Yellowjackets’ Plots

As every off-kilter queer person (who isn’t afraid of a little gore) already knows, season three of the cannibalistic thriller series Yellowjackets premieres today, February 14, AKA Valentine’s Day. What could possibly be more romantic than a group of high school girls going absolutely bananas in the Canadian wilderness, only to be rescued and continue to go bananas 25 years later?

The season three trailer, released January 22, teased fans with so many plot lines, we had to watch it four times to catch everything (Van and Tai?? Coach Ben?? Misty?? So many questions). Today’s two-episode premiere has proved this season will be even wilder and gayer than we had hoped. For Yellowjackets fans who have been hibernating—reading ShaunaxJackie fanfic—since season two premiered in 2023, the 10-episode season is almost too much to bear. 

Related: GO’s Ultimate Guide To Valentine’s Day

In honor of the V-Day premiere date, GO has put together a wonderfully romantic list of date ideas, if you ever find yourself stranded with a group of unstable queer and queer-coded teens for 18 months. 

1. After whipping out your first aid kit and helping mend everyone’s injuries to the best of your teenage ability, destroy the plane’s emergency locator device. It’s romantic because now everyone will need you forever, and they will definitely forgive you when they find out. 
2. Cook your partner a romantic meal with fresh ingredients. Don’t worry if you don’t have anything in your fridge. Grab a knife and hack up one of those bunnies in your backyard! They’ll love it. 
3. Have an affair with a person you got into a fender-bender with and cheat on said partner, who you only married because they were dating your now-dead best friend that you had a homoerotic friendship with. 
4. If you’re dealing with long distance, forget Facetime. Hallucinate the romantic life you could have with your gay lover instead. There’s nothing more romantic or more queer than a little tragic yearning. 
5. Reunite with your high school best friends on a culty wellness commune and have a cute friendship date by the bonfire. Oh, what’s that? Is the wilderness demanding a sacrifice? Drink your poison!
6. Rekindle your romance with your trauma-bonded ex. That certainly never ends badly, especially when you’re already married and struggling with blackouts and memory loss. 

Related: Lloren Breaks Down “The Lonely Hearts Club,” Her Anti-Valentine’s Anthem

Good luck out there, and GO Yellowjackets!