Guess what y’all? It’s time to celebrate National Orgasm Day. How does one celebrate such a fabulous, sex positive, pleasure-focused day? By orgasming, obviously! The kind of orgasm you have all depends on how much time you have, what kind of mood you’re in, whether or not you want to use a sex toy or not, if your sex is are solo or partnered — there are just so many variables!
But in our sex-shaming society, it’s hard to get the facts straight about orgasms. And while we definitely aren’t straight, GO wants you to know straight-up what’s up with your pleasure and your body. Here are 5 myths about orgasms cracked wide open so you can orgasm with all the correct sex ed info, babes!
MYTH: Vibrators will desensitize your clit, making it impossible to orgasm without them.
A vibrator will not ruin your sex life! I don’t know who started this myth, but I’ve got some serious issues with them spreading this lie around. While it is true that your body creates pathways that connect from your orgasm to your brain and if you are consistently (for more than 8 months or so) having the same orgasm, in the same position, using the same vibrator — your body will “learn” that’s how it cums. This will make it more difficult to have different kinds or orgasms, but not impossible by any means. My best advice to you is to add variety into your sex life — both solo time and with partners. Switch it up, try different sensations, positions, lubes, textures, strokes, pressures. Explore and have fun with your pleasure — vibrator or not.
MYTH: You have to orgasm to enjoy sex.
The most common post-romp question: Did you cum? We are a goal based society that is driven with the idea of reaching a destination, not simply enjoying the ride. If you don’t orgasm every time you have sex, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Our bodies are complex beings and sometimes it’s just not going to happen — that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the experience of sexually connecting with your partners. Sex is f*cking pleasurable. The entire thing. Don’t rush to the finale without having basked in the glory of every stroke, moan, and lick.
MYTH: Something is wrong with you if you cum in 5 minutes or 45 minutes.
There is no “perfect” time to reach orgasm. If your partner knows how to get you off and you’re climaxing within 5 minutes, incredible. If your bae has been going down on you for 45 minutes and you still haven’t cum, no worries at all, babe. Enjoy the experience and feel no shame that your body needs a little more warm-up. Don’t ever let anyone shame you about the pleasure you experience and how long it takes you to get there.
MYTH: Orgasms have to be this dramatic, epic, life-altering experience every time.
A lot of what we learn about sex comes from porn — our education system largely fails young people when it comes to providing comprehensive, inclusive, and sex positive education about our desires. If you’ve ever watched porn, then you know the orgasms are always this BIG O where the woman is loudly screaming, gripping the sheets, and spasming all over the place. If you’ve ever had an orgasm of your own, then you know they aren’t always like that. Sometimes orgasms are soft. Sometimes your partner might not even be able to tell you had one. Sometimes they feel like a wave rolling over your clit. All of that is perfectly normal.
MYTH: It only counts as a “real” orgasm if it was vaginal or from penetration.
~Insert dramatic lesbian eye-roll about our patriarchal society that is obsessed with phallic centric sex~. You can have so many different kinds of orgasms. You can experience clitoral, anal, nipple, g-spot, vaginal, mental, kissing, urethra, cervical, or erogenous zone orgasms — they are plentiful! It just so happens that our culture centers cis straight men in conversations about sex, and only focuses on penetrative sex as pleasurable. Us lez’s know otherwise (ahem — as we happen to have statistically more orgasms than straight women). A lot of women were taught that something is wrong with them if they can’t cum from penetration or penis in vagina sex. Nothing is wrong with you, your body and the ways in which you experience pleasure are beautiful and yours alone to feel.
Overall, I just want all you babes to feel empowered in your pleasure. Go forth and orgasm however the f*ck you want to, as long as it’s consensual.