Happy almost fall, lesbians! While it’s painful to say goodbye to bikinis, fire island, and day drinking under the sun, we are lit AF to say hello to slutty Halloween costumes, subway-friendly shoes, the return of leather jackets (as if we ever stop wearing them), chilly sexy nights, and all the chic fall fashion us lesbians rock so well.
I, like any good dyke princess, am a total shoe whore. But that is complicated by the fact that, like so many lesbians, I live in NYC. Since I’ve quit ridesharing cold turkey (because I am trying to be a financial icon—Suze Orman, call me), I am currently in need of gorgeous shoes that don’t make me feel like my feet are on fire or that will send me toppling down the stairs. Because I care about your fall LEWK and your comfort and safety, I’ve conducted extensive scientific research (aka I went shopping) to discover the best fall footwear that are both sexy and subway-friendly.
Cape Robbin Kelsey Boots
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These are my go-to, everyday fall boots that I’ve already started wearing in August, because I am just so damn obsessed with them. Surprisingly comfortable, I have been racing around Manhattan in these bad boys with zero pain. Sure, I’m catcalled every five seconds, but I (personally) find that strangely validating, especially when it comes from a woman construction worker. Bad feminist over here. Lock me up and throw away the key. Purr. Where was I? Oh yes, these cowgirl boots are sure to be the conversation piece at your local lesbian watering hole. I mean, they’re iconic. Wear them to work, to a date, or to the club. These versatile boots will keep you comfy and cute all day. Yeehaw, bitches.
Shop them on Amazon.
Demonia Party In My Head Platforms
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I never miss an opportunity to sport a platform with a kinky sock. Demonia Party In My Head platforms are what I like to think of as my sneakers. They are my everyday shoe — perfect and breezy for summer — but can easily be transitioned into fall with cute socks.
Shop them on Dolls Kill. And because I love you and want to to look cute, you can shop frilly socks here.
dELiA*s Mary Janes
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It’s back to school season, babes! Fall is the perfect season to bust out your kinky lesbian schoolgirl look. Try these incredibly practical (I’m not being sarcastic) Mary Janes. The platform gives you height, but the rubber keeps you comfortable. Pair these with the aforementioned babydoll socks, and every lesbian this side of the Mississippi will be fetishizing you! That’s the goal of footwear, right?
Shop them on Dolls Kill.
Dr. Marten Kendra Boot
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Dr. Martens are a lesbian staple — you can’t be a lesbian without owning a pair! Just like you can’t be a lesbian without crying to “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman. Anyway, if you are a heel hoe like me, you’ll still want height, even from Docs. That’s where the Kendra boot comes in. Comfortable, durable, and equally feminine and badass, these boots will carry you from fall through winter (they withstand snow!) in style.
Shop them on Revolve.
Club Exx Bling Brigade Boots
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Comfortable AND extra? Say no more. If heels aren’t your thing, stay close to the ground in these fabulously sparkly combat boots. They are sure to turn heads while keeping you comfy, warm, and rocking that subway platform while waiting for the L train. Take your fall jeans-and-lesbian-flannel look to the next level by adding these boisterous bad boys.
Shop them on Dolls Kill.
Fila Disrupter Sneakers
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The chunky sneaker trend will never die because I said so. There is something so sexy about a f*ck you to ultra-sophisticated shoes and rocking a Spice Girl moment. Chunky sneakers are the only sneakers I will ever be caught dead in, and I am pleased to inform you that they go with literally everything in your fall wardrobe. Plus, they’re completely subway-friendly shoes. Feel like one of those impossibly cool, skinny LA Instagram girls by rocking these with a midi dress.
Shop them on Macys.
Steve Madden FeatherL Flats
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Thankfully, fashion intellectuals have accepted leopard print as a neutral. These flats are, well, flat! Give your feet a break from towering heights in these iconic loafers. If you are going to ditch the heel, you better up the ante with a print.
Shop them on Steve Madden.
Vince Camuto Ninda Espadrilles
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Espadrilles aren’t just a summer fling! Transition this boho look to fall in this adorable Vince Camuto sneaker adaptation of the espadrille. These just scream cozy fall night at a local bar or around a bonfire, drinking beer and reliving your high school years. Remember how perfectly brisk the air would feel on that first day of fall as you lied to your mom and went to go drink with friends? Emulate that feeling with these shoes.
Shop them on Vince Camuto.
ASOS Leonie Pointed Loafer
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We need a professional shoe on this list, but this one is anything but boring. A point automatically makes any shoe sexual, and these are no exception. Raise an eyebrow or two in your office as you channel your best Bette Porter and rock these flats with a suit. Pick these up for a pair of truly killer subway-friendly shoes.
Shop them on ASOS.
John Fluevog Audra Chelsea Boot
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If I was a millionaire, I would buy every single shoe John Fluevog has ever made. Alas, I am not, so I need to make a sensible choice for subway-friendly shoes. Skip Fluevog’s death-defying heels and try these chic and comfortable Chelsea boots. The white is so striking and stylish — definitely worth the constant cleaning. Or be a DGAF icon and rock them dirty.
Shop them on John Fluevog.
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