For years now, I’ve been a shameless, hyper-dedicated fan of the multitalented Lane Moore. She’s a fierce woman who slays at everything she does, whether it’s comedy, writing, editing, acting or belting her heart out in her band. Of all of Moore’s talents, what has always struck the deepest chord in my queer little heart is her way with words.
Lucky for me (and for you), Moore has a BOOK coming out tomorrow, November 6th, which is gorgeously titled How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don’t. It’s not surprising that Moore’s debut book is already being met with killer reviews, and I personally can’t wait to dive headfirst into it, without emerging ’til I’ve devoured every holy page!
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“Funny, moving, observant and vulnerable. Her childhood could have so easily given her a tough shell; instead it did the opposite.” ty @nypost this is so beautifully written and means the world 💓📖https://nypost.com/2018/11/03/this-book-on-growing-up-loveless-is-required-reading-for-millennials/
I got to chat with Moore about her new book, and why it’s important that all of us queer kids read it, and how to navigate the complex art of loneliness in this exclusive interview!
GO Magazine: Let’s circle back to the beginning. You do so many things: write, act, sing, make music, tour your own comedy show. What made you want to write a book? If it was something you always wanted to do, how did you know that the timing was right?
Lane Moore: I’ve wanted to write a book since I was a kid, absolutely. There was never a doubt in my mind I’d write books. It was just a matter of the right people giving me a chance to do it, and this was absolutely that.
GO: Is How To Be Alone a memoir or a self-help book? How would you categorize it?
LM: I’d say it’s a self-help book for people who hate most self-help books, with memoir and humor essay elements.
GO: Why did you feel compelled to write a book about loneliness?
LM: I’ve been on my own since I was a kid, and I always thought I was the only one like me, but I know we’re out there. And I realized my extreme lifelong solitude gave me a sort of superpower ability to be somewhat comfortably alone, raise my standards, notice patterns, be there for myself, and see that being or feeling alone doesn’t have to be this terrifying punishment.
GO: So many of our LGBTQ younger readers write to us telling us that loneliness is their constant. Do you think LGBTQ teens tend to struggle with loneliness more than the typical teenager?
LM: This is such a great question because I do think they do! You have that extra sense of being other, of not fitting in, of hiding yourself if you are, of having an extra layer of figuring out who you are, of not knowing who in school is queer and who isn’t, what’s a romantic connection with a friend and what isn’t. And that’s absolutely why I talk so much about queerness, especially teenage experiences as a queer person, in the book.
GO: What advice would you give LGBTQ young adults who feel alone?
LM: Oh my goodness, buy How To Be Alone. You’re absolutely someone I wrote it for. I also just recorded the audiobook version, and I worked really hard for it to hopefully feel like we’re hanging out, so I’ll gladly keep you company. And lean into music hard. Music has absolutely been my closest friend when I’ve had no one else.
GO: Has the reaction from people connecting to your story made you feel less alone in any way?
LM: It’s surreal. I still feel like this weird loner who no one can relate to, but through writing this book, people are reading it and saying, “Whoa, that’s how I feel too! I’m not alone!” and then they tell me that, and I’m less alone. It’s powerful.
GO: What drew you to confessional writing? Do you think there is healing in telling your story?
LM: It’s always been what I loved to read and what I loved to write. I’ve been writing like that since I was little.
GO: What’s your writing process like? Do you write in bulk? Or do you space it out? Do you write in silence or to music? At home or in a coffee shop?
LM: I write to music most of the time, but not always, and it’s really intuitive. I write whenever and wherever and however much I need to write at that time.
GO: How do you balance all of your creative projects?
LM: I don’t really struggle to balance all my creative projects because that’s where I feel at home: when I’m creating. This month I’ve been on tour with Tinder Live. My band, It Was Romance, recorded our second record in Nashville, and I’ve been working on the book and so many other things. That’s my happy place. But what I struggle with is making time to take care of myself and have a personal life. Work has always been my best friend, and I’d rather my best friend be, uh, a person.
GO: After writing about something painful, what do you do to shake it off, if anything?
LM: I wish I knew. I wish I could say I wrapped this book with, “And now I’m married and I have a great therapist and a great support system!” but I don’t have those things yet. My dog Lights helps a lot though. Loving her and being loved by her is surreal.
GO: When does your book come out?
LM: November 6th! I’m having book launch events on November 6th in Queens at QED, and in Manhattan at The Strand on November 7th, and November 16th at Book Soup in Los Angeles. And I’ll be doing some more tour dates for the book and Tinder Live at the end of November, in Dallas, Oklahoma City, and Little Rock. And then a huge tour in January 2019.
GO: If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?
LM: Everything you dream of happening? It all happens.
GO: Where can people find you?