2017 is ending, lezzies! How are we going to say goodbye to this shit-storm of a year? In style, of course. This quiz will help you decide what to wear for the last night of 2017. Since NYE is only a few days away, there isn’t much time to shop or wait for shipping, so we are Amazon Prime-ing this shit, ya’ll. All of the recommended outfits at the end of this quiz can be on your doorstep in 2 days, so if you still haven’t picked an outfit for the big night, fear not! And if you don’t have NYE plans yet, might I suggest one of these queer parties?
Behold, the quiz that will reveal exactly you should be wearing when the clock strikes midnight.
1. How long have you been planning?
a) I bought tickets for The Glam Ball months ago
b) I go wherever my coworkers are going
c) I don’t plan, I just let the night take me
d) I expect my date to plan (and pay for) our night
e) my plans are constantly changing
2. How long does it take you to get ready?
a) I need time for hair, makeup, tan, accessories, masturbating, selfie-ing, drinking, hating myself, changing my outfit that I planned for months, then changing back and loving myself– but I go through the same routine every day I get dressed, so I have it down to a science — one hour
b) about 15 minutes. I don’t fuss over my outfit and use a little foundation and mascara, then I’m ready
c) about a half hour if I want to look on point
d) three hours +, I need a Sephora appointment, a lash appointment, a hair appointment…
e) 10 minutes: just some Glossier products, and I’m good to go, I don’t even bother to blow-dry my hair
3. What are you listening to as you get ready?
a) Fuck With Myself – Banks
b) Work Bitch – Britney Spears (my guilty pleasure)
c) Special Affair – The Internet
d) Primadonna – Marina and The Diamonds
e) Bloom – Odesza
4. How many selfies are you taking once you’re ready?
a) approximately 565845, narrowing it down to three, then posting all of them
b) I’m not really into selfies
c) a few — I have thousands of Insta followers, and I don’t even promote Flat Tummy Tea
d) 20. Then I send them all in a group chat and consult with my girls over which one to upload. Once I upload, they all comment on it as if they’re seeing it for the first time, true friendship! <3
e) one
5. What time are you going out?
a) 8 PM. I like to start drinking early, I cant wait!!
b) 8 PM. I like to start early so I can leave early, I have work tomorrow!
c) 11 PM
d) 10 PM. Just enough time to look classy and beautiful before getting sloppy drunk
e) 1 AM — only amateurs are out before. I’m meeting friends for dinner at 11
6. What are you drinking?
a) champagne, vodka soda, tequila shots…
b) martini
c) Brooklyn lager
d) rosé all day!
e) whiskey in a mason jar
7. Where are you going?
a) I’m going f*cking everywhere — Cubby, Hens, Stonewall… the limit does not exist!
b) Brooklyn Winery, for their 1940s themed party
c) starting out at Hot Rabbit, then bouncing around BK bars
d) Vandal, for their decadent dinner + open bar
e) a queer dive bar, house party, end at Output
8. Who are you kissing at midnight?
a) everyone
b) I don’t like PDA
c) some hot girl I just met
d) my girlfriend
e) someone else as painfully good looking as me
9. What are you doing after midnight?
a) pounding shots and shaking my ass
b) going home, zzz
c) deciding if I want to have sex or hang with my friends
d) yelling “TTHHIISsssS iss Soo00 fuNn, I loVeeEee YoUuuu!!!” After I lose my keys, my girlfriend ushers me into an Uber, where I proceed to tell the driver how much I love him too
e) I’m just getting started
10. What is your New Years Resolution?
a) dry January — this party girl needs a break
b) putting more effort into my relationships — I work too much
c) quit smoking and get back into my art
d) stop spending so much money on beauty products!!!!
e) exercise more, increase my Instagram follower count
Mostly ‘A’s — you are EXTRA, and I love you.
You are never afraid to slut it up, take style risks, and make a statement. You love fetish-y outfits…and I’m here with you, dah-ling. I know fashion experts say that Bandage dresses are over but you know what? IDGAF. And neither should you, extra babe. No dress is gonna make your ass pop like bandage, so why are we hating on it? I say embrace the bandage– be a fashion rebel. You can never go wrong with a slutty LBD. Add this extra AF fetish-y choker and you’re good to go.
Mostly ‘B’s — you are a hot power babe.
You sexy control freak, you. I want to see you in this hot backless jumpsuit.
Mostly ‘C’s — you have that effortless lesbian swag.
This might seem a little femme for you, but hear me out for a sec. You would look hot as f*ck in this off-the-shoulder leather jacket. Ugh, I get turned on just thinking about it. Please try it. For me?
Mostly ‘D’s — you are a princess.
Hey dyke princess, I see you and I am you. I’m giving you a few options because I know you’re going to need options, babe. I think you would look so beautiful in this simple velvet dress. That you can glam up with this insanely extra choker. If you want something more flashy, try this sparkly AF dress.
Mostly ‘E’s — you are fresh-out-the-shower gorgeous (and I hate you!)
Like I said, I hate you, but I think you would look fab in this edgy satin tank top, complete with ambiguous Shakespeare quote. Pair with one of those pairs of mom jeans you look so effortlessly hot in, those pointy boots you like to wear, and you’re good to go, gorgeous.
* if you are a combo of fetish-y and princess-y like yours truly: This bodysuit fits like a GLOVE. Pair with a slutty choker like this Guess number. Add hot heeled boots, and you are good to go. (yes, this is my exact NYE outfit.)
Happy New Year, lezzies! We love you!
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