It’s really been quite the week in lesbian fashion news, hasn’t it, ladies?
First we at GO were rather “shook” (in a ~good way~) after gazing at the luscious snapshots in Vogue of Kristen Stewart and Stella Maxwell couple coordinating in head-to-toe Chanel couture at Chanel’s “We Love Coco” beauty bash (our invites got lost in the mail).
And then today, as I’m casually stalking the Sapphic goddess Cara Delevingne to see what she’s up to at Paris Fashion week, my body breaks into a sea of chills, babes. Delevingne looks so super f*cking chic at the AW18 Dior show, rocking a dark late-90s-Winona-Ryder-circa-Girl-Interrupted pixie cut, Dior Calvin Klein style underwear peeping over the low slung waistline of black slacks and a classic fetish-y pageboy cap.
I, covet thy fellow queer girl’s Dior underwear! I sheepishly thought to myself, quickly googling the look to see how I could scheme to garner it for myself. So much cooler than that Calvin Klein nonsense.
“Cara Delevingne Paris Fashion Week Dior” I dutifully typed into the search engine. So what was the first thing to pop up? Some cheap gossip about Delevingne partying it up in the city of lights? Street style pictures of dyke-chic outfits her from throughout the week? No, honey. What came up, were headlines like this:
“The One Freaky Beauty Detail You May Have Missed On Cara Delevingne At The Dior Show In Paris”
Cara Delevingne’s reptilian ear will haunt you in your sleep
What Is Going On With Cara Delevingne’s Freaky Reptile Ear?
How dare they make fun of the shape of Queen Cara’s ears? I began to think, feeling furiously protective of Baby Cara. Poor girl has been through enough in her life! So what, she ONCE dropped a baggie of coke on the ground? She had a problem, OK? And she’s over it. That was years ago. Plus she was like 19. What 19-year old doesn’t drop bags of…
And that’s when I saw it in all of its sci-fi beauty. The reptile ear.
Seems that none of the fashion bloggin’ bitches were poking fun at a model’s disappropriate ear size this time, honey. Cara D’s ears are quite perfect.
Except for the reptilian creases cascading down them, that is.
Is this a new trend from somewhere insanely trend-driven, like Tokyo? (If fake crooked teeth can be considered a fashion trend in Japan anything can). After doing the slightest amount of research, I learned that our babe’s reptile ear is most likely from the TV show Delevingne’s filming aptly called “Carnvial Row” in which she plays a fairy (faerie?) opposite the prettiest most lesbian looking boy to ever exist: Orlando Bloom.
In short: Delevingne isn’t succumbing to a radical fashion trend, rather it’s a prosthetic she forgot to remove before modeling.
There is a very important lesson in this seemingly meaningless story, kittens. Let your lesbian big sister lay it out for you: Rocking a reptile ear to Paris Fashion week is the chicest antic I’ve seen pulled in A VERY LONG TIME from a model.
It says “Oh, I was too busy filming my fabulous TV show in Hollywood that I totally forgot I had a prosthetic reptile ear on, because you know I’m so beautiful I don’t need to look in the mirror! Plus I’m so jet-lagged from jet-setting between the West Coast to London to PARIS that I couldn’t even feel it! Oh and I’ll definitely not comment on it when I asked by the press, because who cares? I’ll just creepily cover my face tomorrow and still manage to look glam.”
So baby dykes? Next time you have a huge smattering of acne front and center on your precious little face, or the next time you have a ratchet case of poison oak scattered across your beautiful body or the next time your gorgeous eyes are puffy from a booze bender, do NOT conceal it. Do NOT acknowledge it. Just put on a cool Dior outfit and go about your life.
And in turn, others will think you’re a confident, chic, supermodel, just like our celesbian of the day, Cara.
What Do You Think?