How To Master The Art Sexting, As Told By A Sexpert

Get your partner all riled up and turned on, no matter where they are.

I love sexting. The art of it all. How you can get your partner all riled up and turned on, even when you’re in a completely different space or even state than them.

The act of taking ~sexy photos~ in a dimly-lit bar or bathroom. Or even better, a quick-snapped ~sexy pic~ while you’re sitting right at the dimly lit bar—scandalous. Sending your ~dirty thoughts~ to your lover in the middle of a work meeting.

I. Love. It. All.

But I’ve definitely made some faux-pas in my days of sexting. And in the hopes that no one ever has to make the same embarrassing mistakes that I have, I want to share some do’s and don’ts for sexy texting.

1. Don’t send it to the wrong person.

This is the number one advice of what ~not~ to do when it comes to sexting. I could never get with the whole Snapchat phase of sexting because I was so afraid of sending my sexy pic to EVERYONE in my stories, instead of the one girl I was trying to send it to. We’ve all heard the horror stories of an accidental mass email or clicked on the wrong “Kate” in your contacts of your phone. When sending a text of the sexual kind, always double (even triple) check that it’s going to the correct person.

2. Do send a sexy photo to get their imagination going.


The best way to spark a little naughty talk (in my honest opinion) is through imagery. I think we should all take sexy selfies, whether it’s for only ourselves, for our lovers or even our friends—it’s such a beautiful way to fall more in love with yourself.

But when taking sexy selfies for a lover, there are important things to consider. Like lighting. Look, you don’t want awful fluorescent lights beaming down on you. It’s not flattering on anyone. Dim the lights a bit and find a way to make it have a more of a ~glowy~ hue. Also think about wearing your favorite undies, whether those are lacy panties or black briefs. Wear what makes you feel sexy (if you feel sexy, that sexiness will radiate from your pic). When you snap the selfie, leave your lover wanting more. Maybe it only shows you unbuttoning your shirt and your bra peeking out, or your hand reaching into your pants but, be wary of  going beyond that.

And lastly, really think about whether or not you want your face to be in the pic. If this is a super trusted lover, then *maybe* you show your face. But definitely, don’t give any identity markers in your picture to someone you don’t know that well yet.

3. Don’t give away all the details.

Leave them hanging and don’t show all your cards at once, babes.

When they ask you for more details after you describe your incredible sexy underthings to them, don’t give it all away. Keep them wanting more, more, more—until you can have them in person. That’s the best part about sexting: You can build up the sexual energy and tension so that when you do finally get in the same room, the feeling is explosive.

After describing the kind of touch you want to your lover and then you finally see them IRL, 8-hours later, you’ve been building up to that touch for so long now that your nerves will be on fire. I’m no scientist, babes, but trust me: The art of sexting is a serious form of foreplay.

4. Do tap into your fantasies. 

Sometimes sex and desire can be hard to talk about. Maybe you’ve been dying to try something new in bed but don’t really know how to tell your partner about it. Testing the waters via sexting could be a fun way to see how they respond. You might send a text like “I’ve been dying for you to tie me up to the bed and do _____ to me.” They might surprise you and enthusiastically respond to your text!

However, I don’t suggest texting as a form of communication for sexual consent. It’s definitely not a substitute and just because someone says they might want to try something via text, doesn’t mean you should whip out the handcuffs without talking about it. This might be a way to get the conversation started. And then when you see them later, you can ask “So, what did you think about that text I sent you earlier?” Then the two of you can dive into a sexy conversation about your new desire and if they want to try it out too.

5. Don’t sext someone you haven’t met IRL.

Just don’t do it. You don’t know them, their vibe or energy. How do you know if you’ll have sexual chemistry IRL? Or if you can even trust them with your sexting fun?

6. Do be a bit of a “tease,” if there is such a thing.

You want to build up the mystery through sexting, babes. It’s half the fun! You can elude to the fact that you might be masturbating and thinking about them, but don’t tell them how you’re masturbating. Allow yourself to tease them with as few details as possible. Just sexy little hints to what you’re doing or wearing or thinking about. Allow that sexy tension to build, build, build, babes.

7. Don’t sext something you don’t actually want to do IRL.

You’ll find yourself in deep waters if you lie during sexting. If you run out of things to say, don’t just make something up for the hell of it. Just end it by saying “Can’t wait to see you later.” Because when you start jumping off into the uncharted territory of making things up during your sexting session, it won’t actually be fun anymore.

FYI: If you say something you *might* want to try but are unsure of, you don’t have to do it later, by any means! You never have to do anything you don’t want to, even if you used to like that thing or thought you might want to try it but changed your mind. You’re in complete control of what happens in your sex life. I just suggest keeping your sexting to things you know you like and/or want to try because then it feels much more fun and the anticipation builds. Instead of anxiousness or nervousness about your sexting endeavors.

8. Do take a jog down memory lane.

Use your past sexual experiences with this person to lead the conversation. It’s so easy to send a text like “Remember that time you made me cum twice in a row? I can’t stop thinking about it.” And then ask them to describe exactly what it was they did to get you to cum twice. Or tell them you want a repeat of that night, sometime soon.

It’s the perfect place to pull content from: Your own sex life! It’s chock full of inspiration, babes.

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