Sex is an exchange of many things: pleasure, intimacy, orgasms, fun, and ~energy~. When you have sex with someone, you tend to pick up on some of their energy. We can’t help it—we’re human and sex is a powerful act that (no matter how much we don’t want to admit it) makes us all pretty vulnerable.
I want to start by explaining what I mean about this exchange of energy: On the energetic level, each person deposits energy into the other during the experience. Sickness and disease can be passed off to the next person during sex, and the same applies to attitudes as well. Anger, joy, sadness, irritation, excitement and the like, are all vibrational energies that can be passed onto the next person (through sex).
That being said, sexual energy is one of the most intense and satisfying exchanges we can participate in. It has power. When was the last time you had really, truly amazing sex? It was probably filled with intense energy and desire, building from a connection (whether emotional or physical) that led to satisfaction and a sense of calm afterward.
A lot can be manifested from sexual energy. Creativity, motivation, confidence, happiness, and pleasure can all come about through these exchanges. Especially during an orgasm. That’s a moment when we can physically feel our life-force energy flow through our bodies. When you have sex with someone who is energetically aligned with you—that’s when the magic happens. But if you aren’t aligned, you may feel depleted and drained of your own energy source afterward.
But if you’re interacting with someone you don’t know all that well on a personal level, you don’t really know what type of energy you’re inviting in. If you have a fun one night stand and the next morning you wake up feeling cloudy thoughts, irritated, or your body aches that’s your body telling you that you likely picked up on bad energy from the person you slept with and you need to get rid of it.
High vibrational energy can also be exchanged during one-night stands—like love, happiness, excitement, or joy. But those lower vibrational energies are the ones that tend to get trapped in certain areas of your body, causing imbalance or even disease. This energetic debris can be cleared, but you can also protect yourself from someone else’s energy before you embark on your next sexy fling. Because as much as we want to be the cool no-strings-attached girl, sex can get messy. Real. Quick.
First I’m going to start with four ~witchy~ ways to protect your energy during a one-night stand. But alas, for those of you who come from the more practical elk, the second half of this piece are non-witchy ways to preserve your energy after a long night of casual sex!
1. Salt bath.
Water is a cleansing source in it of itself but adding an Epsom salt (you can choose lavender, eucalyptus or other scents you prefer) to the bath will give you the refresh you need. Add about one cup of the salt and soak for at least 20 minutes (you can purchase scented Epsom salt online but also at most local drugstores). While you’re relaxing in the warm water, image all of your own negative energy and frustrations releasing away into the water. Once you’ve gotten rid of all your own negativities, set intentions for what you want out of your sex life. Imagine yourself having the exact interaction you want (maybe masturbate if you want!).
This will help you manifest the exact kind of pleasure you’re seeking! While this works to clear your own negative energy before a sexual experience, it also can be a cleansing tactic when you want to make sure you didn’t pick up on the other persons negativity.
2. Sage cleansing.
Sage cleansing is a simple way to protect your energy when you’re having sex with someone you don’t want to share energies with. You’ll need a sage stick and a lighter for this. I’d suggest meditating before you use the sage stick. While standing in your bedroom (or a place you feel safe and at home) light up your sage stick. Make clockwise circular motions starting at the top of your head going down to your feet. When you get to your feet, brush the stick outwards and down into the ground. This will protect your energy from leaving you, as well as ensure you don’t take on unwanted energies from other people (aka potential hookup girl).
3. Set intentions with a candle burning ceremony.
Since you’re setting positive intentions for yourself and the sex you want to have—you’ll want to pick a yellow or white candlestick. On the side of the candle carve in the symbol for your astrology sign because the point is to protect your own energy right now. On a small piece of paper write down what you want to manifest—whether it’s amazing sex with a certain person or protecting a part of your spiritual energy. Place that paper underneath the candle and burn the candle. If you can, sit with it throughout the time it’s burning and think of your intentions.
4. Hang a chicken foot above your bed.
I know you’re thinking what is this girl talking about?! But chicken feet have the strongest protective energies. This comes from voodoo magic of the South. Hanging this above your bed will not only protect you and your space from negative or dark energy, but it will also ward off potentially losing items that mean a lot to you. If you’re having your one-night stand cutie over to your place, this will be the most effective action to take for you to make sure you keep those amazing feels the morning after.
You can purchase a chicken foot (or a chicken foot charm) at a local witchcraft store or on Etsy.
For those of you who are less inclined to channel your ~witchy energy~ here are the ways you can keep your emotions safe during casual sex.
5. Ask for what you want.
You deserve the have the sex you want to have. Especially if that’s what this interaction is all about—fun sex! Sometimes we all need to have a casual sex phase, where we just allow ourselves to explore new people and experiences. But be sure to speak up for yourself and the type of pleasure you want. Find ways to communicate about desire and pleasure. Do you want to try topping for the first time? Are you into a new kink that you’ve never explored before? Do you want to go to a play party with a casual fling?
The only way you’re ever going to get to explore these new things is if you speak up for yourself. Trust me, talking about sex over drinks is so much more fun than it is awkward (it might be awkward for the first minute or two). This will also help ease your nerves once you get to bed with this person. And when you get what you want out of a sexual encounter, you can walk away feeling fulfilled, no negative energy attached. You’ll look back on that moment with ~positive feels~, instead of feeling like Ugh, that awful one night stand that I regret.
6. Make sure they know your boundaries.
When you’re having sex with someone for the first time, boundaries are always so important. We all have sexual no’s—whether you don’t like to be choked, penetrated or kissed on your neck—all boundaries are completely valid. It’s always better to make your hard no’s known before you start getting intimate with someone. Just a quick “Hey, just so you know [blank] is a hard no for me. Do you have any hard no’s?”
This is also a great opportunity to ask your casual hookup what she really loves and wants to explore with you. You can follow up with a question like, “How do you want to fuck?” Then talking will turn into touching into…
7. Give yourself room to be silly. And try new things.
Don’t take yourself too seriously, babes. This is the perfect time to be silly and try that crazy position you saw in a lesbian Kamasutra book and couldn’t even believe it was a real position. Just give your girl a heads up before you start throwing legs all over the place!
Exploring new things with a new person is the best—because you might not want to get to a deep, vulnerable space with this girl, allow it to be light, fun and experimental! When you leave this experience, you’ll feel a more positive, glowing energy than those heavy feels that vulnerable sex with strangers can sometimes leave you with.
8. Have an exit plan.
Whether you’re staying at her place or yours—have an exit strategy in mind. If she’s coming over and you don’t want her to spend the night, come up with a plan for a gentle way to ask her to leave. You can say you have to wake up early in the morning and offer to get her an Uber home. Don’t be a fuckgirl and kick her out at 2am to take public transportation home! Having casual sex doesn’t give you the allowance to treat people poorly.
If you’re going over to her place, then have an exit strategy. My go-to is that I have a dog and I have to be home to walk and feed her in the morning before work. Come up with yours and have it on deck. But give her some cuddling before you just up and leave.
Remember that sexual energy is powerful. And even if you use all these protective actions to your benefit, you still are putting yourself in a vulnerable state so don’t be afraid of your own emotions. Take time to understand your own desires so that you can enhance your emotional energy. You’ll have a better sex life if you do!