Ask the Expert: Answers to Your Relationship Questions!

Executive Matchmaker and Relationship Counselor, Carol Sugar-Burke, offers expert love advice.

Dear Carol,
I have been dating a woman who is 20 years older than me for over a year now. At first I was a strong believer of age is only a state of mind and always knew I had an old soul. But lately I am noticing telltale signs of the differences, and they seem to be affecting our relationship. She definitely does not have the energy I do and does not enjoy listening to the same music. As much as I like the classics, I also enjoy current music. I am beginning to feel we really have nothing in common. Is my relationship doomed?
Dear Doomed,
An age difference is not necessarily a reason for a relationship to be doomed. Everyone is different and chronological age, in some cases, is only a state of mind. Age itself is not a factor of compatibility but its elements, like maturity and life experience, can affect a relationship’s long term potential. There are many factors to a relationship’s success, like goals, values, lifestyle, personality and chemistry. If these things are not aligned, it can make or break a relationship. Having said that, if you feel you do not have enough in common and the initial attraction you felt to this woman has now died, this is a different issue all together. If you do not enjoy the same music or her lack of energy or ability to keep up with you is dragging you down, you certainly need to re-examine the relationship and if it is working for you or not. You have to weigh the pros and cons and decide if what is keeping you together outweighs your differences. There will always be things that are not perfect in a relationship and age certainly can be a factor of what you share in common; however, this is one of many factors to a relationship’s success. Sit down and discuss your feelings with her and the things that are bothering you, and perhaps the two of you can decide together if you are better off just being good friends.
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