Ask the Expert! Get Answers to Your Relationship Questions!

Carol Sugar-Burke is an Executive Matchmaker for NY’s premier gay and lesbian matchmaking service Bespoke Matchmaking.

Dear Carol,

I’m new to the lesbian world and just wanted some protocol on dating another lesbian. I have been on a few dates and had a few really short relationships with other women, but I’m always awkward when it comes to knowing simple things like when you go for dinner which one of us should pay? Is it all right if you find someone attractive to just go for it and ask her out? When are you being too pushy, and how do you really know if she’s interested? Are there any set rules to any of those things?



Dear Curious,

Your questions are the same as so many lesbians ask themselves every time they go on a date or begin a new relationship. The truth is there is no definitive answer to most of those questions. When it comes to paying the check, the rule of thumb is usually the one who initiates the date should be the one to pay. If you’re asked out on a date and accept, you should feel comfortable allowing her to pick up the tab.  However, there is never anything wrong in offering to pay half. If you initiate the date you should be prepared to pay. As far as asking her out—again, there are no set rules. My philosophy is, if you’re into her and getting the vibe she is into you, don’t wait for her to ask you out—just go for it. Chances are she will be relieved you made the first move. If she says no and makes excuses, then take no for an answer and don’t be pushy as most likely you’ve read her wrong and she’s simply “not that into you.”

The law of attraction says that what you focus on is what you attract. Focus on the goodness of life and making yourself happy, and soon you will find you’ll attract goodness and happiness. The rest will just naturally fall into place.


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