Tommy Dorfman, actress and star of “Thirteen Reasons Why” announced her engagement on a recent episode of the podcast “Broad Ideas” with Rachel Wilson. Although Dorfman didn’t divulge too many details about her fiancé – whom she jokingly referred to as “just a gay girl” – she did refer to her as “the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life [with].”
Dorfman, who came out as trans in 2021, and who had previously been married to Peter Zurkuhlen, also opened up about her fears about dating women. “I knew that I was interested in women in a way I hadn’t really been aware of since high school, so I had this unresolved, unexplored thing,” she said. However, she’d decided that she would start dating girls again “and not feel ashamed about it.”
She added that she was also reluctant to admit her attraction to women because she had had “safe” relationships with the women in her life because they had thought of her “as, like, a gay man.” After her transition, however, she felt she became “a little bit more threatening” and wondered “are any of my girlfriends ever going to trust me again?” if she came out as lesbian or bisexual. However, when she finally did open up to her friends – most of whom were straight, cisgender women – they were supportive.
Of her relationship with her fiancé, she said that it encapsulates all the complex feelings of being in love. “It’s great, it’s very affirming, it’s very safe and very, also, not safe,” she said. “Being in love is scary and so uncomfortable and so painful. All the universal feelings of being in love, I feel, are probably the same.”
