THE CULTURAL ROADMAP FOR CITY GIRLS EVERYWHERE

THE CULTURAL ROADMAP FOR CITY GIRLS EVERYWHERE

Lesbians Reveal The Most “Absurd” Reasons They’ve Ended A Relationship

December 23, 2024

Photo of lesbian couple having a stressful conversation in a cafe

Some red flags are harder to spot than others.

Relationships are complicated, and sometimes, the reasons we end them are just as perplexing as the relationships themselves. We all have dealbreakers—things that make us question whether this person is truly right for us. But what happens when the reason for calling it quits feels so…absurd in hindsight? A recent Reddit thread started by user whbyul in /actuallesbians asked exactly that: What’s the most absurd reason you’ve ended a relationship?

Original poster (OP) whbyul opened up about her decision to uncouple because, as she put it, her partner just wasn’t funny. “Everything else was great,” she wrote, “but I can’t remember a single time she made me laugh.”

The thread quickly exploded with some of the most bizarre reasons people have called it quits—from breaking up because a partner constantly talked in an accent to dumping someone because of how she laughed. It’s a wild ride of dealbreakers that will either have you second-guessing your own relationship standards or applauding these ladies for knowing how to spot a red flag.

Woman wearing a cowgirl hat

Southern Exposure

“She constantly spoke in a poorly executed country accent, we live in the [Pacific Northwest],” wrote nova005040. “She did it all. The. Time. In front of my coworkers, friends, family. I know it was supposed to be funny, but it would go on for hours, and would get offended when I asked her to stop.”

Animal Control

You could start a petting zoo with the number of critters mentioned in breakups.

User1989s said she knew it was over when, “[my girlfriend] started using the pet name ‘puppy’ and it was such a massive turn-off.”

“I’m sure it can be cute,” she added, “but she was using it despite the fact I physically recoiled every time she said it, which was sort of very emblematic of all our issues (like she’d push my boundaries during sex and not notice when I was unhappy so I’d have to be really direct about it, which always ruined the mood for me).”

Another user–calbnd–pumped the brakes on a potential relationship because “she kissed like a fish.”

Bambiipup, meanwhile, “couldn’t be sure [my then-girlfriend] didn’t kill my hamster.”

“Technically I had no reason to suspect her,” she wrote, “but there was just some gut feeling I couldn’t shake. It’s been 13 years and I’m still at least 95% sure she did. Rest in peace, Spud.”

And if you thought that was grim, seadecay said her big turnoff was “her wall of taxidermy animals and wet specimens in jars.”

“Afterwards, I knew I couldn’t spend the night there again. We broke up over phone a few days later, and I feel really bad because she had just told me how she bought a strap on for us to use.”

Related: I’m A New Yorker & I Was Not Prepared For Lesbian Dating In LA

Woman in bed with her hands covering her face

Waking Nightmare

“She had a dream,” recalled Morbid79. “She dreamt that I cheated on her with one of my coworkers. Then she threatened to call my job and to call and out me to my parents. I noped the f*ck out so damn fast.”

Drip Drop

“Her nose was always running,” swearywhisper shared, “and nearly every time we kissed it went on my face.”

Lesbian couple looking serious

Funny Business

Several Redditors echoed the OP’s need for laughs.

“If you don’t laugh in your relationship, why are you a couple?” asked TeethBreak, adding, “I couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t make me laugh. I feel you, OP.”

Melodic-Flatworm-477 agreed, writing, “This life can be really, really rough. And so I truly value making my wife laugh and her sense of humor. It’s important, and her not being funny at all would be a deal breaker.”

backstabber81 ran for the hills for a different humor-related reason: “I once ended what could have been a relationship because she had an annoying laugh.”

“If I had to define it,” she continued, “it was a mix between a snort, a witch cackle and a squealing pig. I like making people laugh, and during our dates, I subconsciously kept myself from making jokes or saying anything funny because her laugh drove me nuts. I felt terrible for doing this as other than that she seemed like a good match, but the laugh threw me off so much!”

“Omg you dated Janice from Friends,” observed a commenter.

Spooked

Loreofleo said she “once stopped talking to a girl I was interested in because she said was too scared to go ghost hunting. I realized going on spooky adventures together was a requirement for me. Being picky was worth it because right after that I met my wife and she goes ghost hunting with me all the time.”

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