Sex Ed Friday: Strap-On Sex For Beginners

Become one with your strap-on, babe.

Photo by istock

Strap-ons are such a versatile sex toy, which is why I love them so much. There are so many different styles and types you can choose from for all different kinds of play. However, if you’ve never used a strap or a dildo before—venturing into that world can feel a little intimidating. I think that so many people let fear of embarrassment hold them back from exploring their true sexual desires. But if you allow a little light-heartedness and laughter into the bedroom, I think you’ll be surprised at how much fun being goofy and entering uncharted territory with your lover can truly be.

 

Find the right size for you.

If you’re a couple looking for a strap-on/dildo together—then it’s important to keep in mind *size* for both of you. If you plan on switching who wears the strap, make sure the dildo is a size, shape and color you both feel sexy about! There are so many different options, you can really take your time to explore what’s out there. There are super phallic dildos that replicate a penis, with skin color, veins and all! But there are also less phallic options that are purple and sparkly with shapes that will be less reminiscent of a penis.

Figure out what type will work best for your body.

If you are going to be wearing the strap-on, then it’s important to figure out what kind of strap will feel most comfortable for you (and give you the best thrusting action ability). You can find leather harnesses, comfy boxer brief straps, a strap-on with a vibrator pouch so the person wearing it can feel stimulated, and even a garter belt harness. There are options, babe! And finding the best fit for your body is so important.

Research all the new positions you can try!

Maybe it’s just because I’m a sex nerd that I suggest this, but research about sex can be fun! Having strap-on sex opens your sexual world up to so many new positions that you may not have tried before. You can try missionary with your legs around the giver’s shoulders. You can do reverse cowgirl. You can experiment with standing up strap-on sex! Explore this new world with your strap and I bet you’ll find the position that really gets your both off.

Lube is your friend. 

Friction is the worst, especially when it’s causing uncomfortable sensations during sex. Sex toys can cause tiny micro-tearing down there when you aren’t lubed up. And sometimes when adding silicone or plastic into the mix, your natural lube isn’t enough to keep things smooth and feeling pleasurable. Add a squirt of lube to the mix and you’re ready to go!

It’s important to note that silicone lube should not ever be used with silicone toys—unless you have a condom on said toy before adding lube. The best bet is to use water lube when playing with silicone toys. And in my honest opinion, water-based lubes are much better for your body. They don’t leave a sticky residue the next morning and if you need to refresh the lube, you can add a splash of water or a little spit and you’re good to go!

Treat your dildo like it’s a part of you.

Become one with your strap-on, babe. Treat it as an extended part of your body. It may take a while for you to find your rhythm and groove with this new toy, but you’ll get the hang of it. Start off with slow thrusts and work your way faster (but don’t pound away like a jackhammer). Sometimes it takes finding the right angle or position to really get the movement just right. You also might have to adjust the straps to fit higher or lower on your pelvis depending on how your body lines up with your partners and the positions you’re f*cking in.

Adjust technique for how you’re using your strap.

An important question to remember is, what are you using your strap on for in this particular sexual encounter? Do you want your partner to give you oral on your dildo? Are you going to be having anal sex? Is she going to be on top of you? All of these questions matter for the technique you use with your strap. If you’re just going to be laying back while your partner rides your dildo, that’s pretty easy and you don’t need to think much about technique. If your partner is going to be giving you oral on your dildo, be kind and don’t start ramming it down her throat (unless of course, you have consent and she wants that).

Clean your toys and practice safer sex.

Cleaning your toys in between use is so important. And it’s not like washing your jeans in the laundry, babe. You can’t use your dildo four times and then wash it. You have to clean your toys after every single use (and yes, that includes masturbation). And it’s a good idea to give them a rinse before use as well, in case they’ve collected lint or dust from where they’re stored.

 

How might you go about cleaning, you ask? Good question!

Non-porous materials, like silicone, hard plastic, elastomer, metal, or glass, are generally easier to clean because you can wash them with hot water and soap, similar to how you wash dishes. You can also boil them for 10 minutes just for good measure.

Porous toys are more absorbent, made from materials like hard plastic, cyberskin, elastomer, jelly rubber, nylon, and neoprene. They’re more sensitive to temperature and prone to warping, so most can be washed the same way: with soap and warm water, either in the sink or with a soapy washcloth (if it’s not waterproof). No scalding hot temperatures and definitely no dishwasher for these toys.

Also, buying a special sex toy cleaning spray isn’t a bad idea. Babeland makes one that can be sprayed on and rinsed off, or you could try the Shibari cleaner which is a toy spray that can be safely used on latex, rubber and silicone.

I recently wrote a whole article about how lesbian, queer and bisexual women can practice safer sex with the use of different barriers—condoms being one of them. When using a dildo for vaginal or anal penetration, you can use a condom to decrease the chances of sharing STIs or fluids between partners. This is especially important if you are sleeping with multiple partners and using the same dildo or if you are alternating between vaginal and anal sex throughout the night (change condoms in between these acts!).

It will be awkward sometimes (like all sex).

Sex can be awkward, babe. It just a fact of life. So dildo’s might go flying around. You might get annoyed your strap on and whip it off to f*ck the way you both feel inclined to in that moment. It might be the best sex ever! Or you might end up rolling on the floor laughing with your partner because someone farted. These are just things that happen in life! Accept the small awkward moments and allow yourself (and your partners) to f*ck the ways you want to—consensually, of course.