Greetings, babes. It’s f*cking freezing out. Like, so cold that self-proclaimed slutty dressers me and Zara Barrie are actually wearing winter coats. The puffy ones. I know, the shit has officially hit the fan.
So it’s understandable if you don’t want to leave your apartment to get groceries or do laundry, let alone go on a date. If you’re like me and have soul-crushing anxiety, dating can be hard enough as it is — add the extra layer of bone-chilling winds and it can be tempting to say f*ck this!
But life happens outside of your warm little apartment, babe. You aren’t going to get butterflies in your stomach, have stimulating conversation, or an artisan cheeseboard all cooped up in your comfort zone. If I can still go on dates when it’s below freezing, then so can you. So slap on your puffer coat, down a glass of red wine, and come with me.
1. Imagine how lit your date is going to be!
If you haven’t found a date yet, check out my Tinder guide. After you’ve found a potential bae/hook-up, imagine how much fun you’re going to have! Don’t think about how bitterly cold it is or how you’ll have to trudge through the dirty snow to get there — picture yourself sitting across from a sexy babe, talking and laughing, sipping Champagne and being the bad bitch you are.
2. Make a big production out of getting ready
This is my fool-proof way of motivating myself to do anything, especially when it’s cold. Make a ritual out of getting ready. Take your time. Do what makes you feel sexiest: whether it be smoking out your eyes, blowing out your hair, putting together a poppin’ outfit, masturbating, whitening your teeth, doing a facial mask, or all of the above. How could you not want to leave the house when you look amazing? Exactly. On you go!
3. Invest is a sexy winter jacket
Speaking of puffer coats, f*ck them. I wear one to work but for dates, I invested in a beautiful black fur coat (it’s fake, relax). It’s over-the-top, extra, and slightly ridiculous — just like me. But you bet your ass it helps me get out the door and on the way to meet a date.
4. Put on a motivational playlist
Yasss, I see you girl. Shake that ass in the mirror. Putting on your favorite music is the perfect way to warm up for a date, literally and figuratively. Might I suggest one of these fab lesbian playlists?
5. Treat yourself to an Uber
Now is not the time to deprive yourself of the finer things in life. Order that Uber. Door to door service will have you totally forgetting about the cold.
6. Pick somewhere warm and cozy
7. The “I’m cold” is the oldest trick in the book
Hello??? You’ll be kissing in no time.
8. Winter is v romantic
The snow! The chill! The candles in restaurants! The breathlessness of being freezing is kind of sexy, no?
9. It can help with anxiety and depression!
Me before a date^.
HELP, not cure. Your girl has anxiety and depression and I know well enough that a date can’t cure that, but it can sure as hell help.
Me after a date^.
I always feel super proud of myself for pushing through my anxiety, and am usually ~rewarded~.
10. You’ll probably have sex!
If this doesn’t motivate you, IDK what will, babe. We’re all doing this terrifying dating thing with the same end goal in mind. The hardest part is getting out of the house. Once you’re there, and start to relax, the conversation flows, and then… Who knows?
Stay warm, babes!