As we near the end of summer, I’m seeing all these cute queer summer flings slowly start to evolve into a more serious thing (through my social media timelines, of course). In fact, that was me last summer with my now ~girlfriend~. We had a summer fling that continued to get more serious as the seasons changed—our lives slowed down and we decided to create more time for one another. I definitely remember my heart beating out of my chest the first time I told her I loved her, wondering how the heck she was going to respond! But those three little words came naturally to us, because we gave our love time to grow.
As the colder months set in and you start to settle into your new relationship—the daunting moment of when to say “I love you” always creeps up.
The thoughts race through your mind: OH MY GOD, DO I LOVE HER?! Am I ready to say it? How will she respond when I tell her? Is she going to say it first? Does she feel that way about ME? It’s enough to send you spiraling down the dark rabbit hole of self-doubt.
I mean, how can you possibly know if she won’t tell you?
So. Many. Questions. Don’t fret, lovers. I’m here to provide some moral support and let you know that these are 10 surefire signs you new bae is ~in love~ with you. So maybe it’s time you took a leap of faith, and just tell her first! I’m always one to advocate for bold moves in dating and relationships. You never know how someone else feels—or what they’re thinking—unless you start the conversation! It’s such a magical moment and it will come when the time is right, so allow the two of you to truly revel in all the ooey-gooey new relationship feels.
There are also so many subtle ways to say I love you without actually, you know, saying it. And if you’re both feeling it, then you most likely are already subconsciously doing these things.
Here are ten sings she loves you, even if she hasn’t said it yet.
1. She makes really thoughtful date plans with you.
Has she put in the effort to plan an extra cute date lately? Or take you somewhere that you mentioned in passing you really love? Yeah, she’s feeling you. I quickly learned when I moved to NYC from rural Upstate NY that people just didn’t plan elaborate dates here. It was quick and easy, find out if there is interest and then onto the next Tinder babe.
My hopeless romantic heart was shocked! I would spend time finding the perfect bar for dates, with live music and amazing views. Or think of something interesting (other than drinks) for us to do! Other women just didn’t do this. I’d like to believe that I planned these elaborate dates for women I hardly knew because I believe in the spark. I believe in true love. And I wanted a shot at it.
So if she’s putting in the effort to plan something special for y’all to venture on—she’s got the feels.
2. She talks about a future, and you’re in it!
Do you have plans to go on a weekend trip away two months down the line? Has she mentioned plans for a New Years Eve party and it’s only October? Well, that means that she sees you in her future plans! That means she can see this going somewhere with you. She’s in this thing, she’s committed to seeing it through.
She’s honest with you about her desires.
Honesty, babes, it tells a lot about a person. If she is opening up to about her desires (sexual, emotional, future, or just plan life goals) she’s investing herself into this relationship. You don’t open up about what you want in life to just anybody. You mean something big to her.
It’s also quite possible that even if she hasn’t been open about her desires yet, it might be out of nerves. She might be so head over heels (or combat boots) for you that she’s too nervous to talk about her desires. Which is why I am still advocating you make the bold, first move!
She shows up.
She shows up in the middle of the night when you’re having a panic attack. She shows up to your art show or DJ performance. She shows up to take care of you when you’re sick. She shows up to help take care of your dog when you’re working 14 hour days.
Showing up and taking care speaks volumes. We all have such busy and complex lives. When she shows up for you, it means that you’re a priority in her life. She’s making time for you throughout the whole mess that is life.
She made you a playlist.
I remember knowing for sure that my partner was into me when I got a Spotify playlist from her titled “YOURturn.” I was working on a project at the time called Our Turn, so it was a sign that she was paying attention to what was going on in my life. It also included songs that reminder her of me—so sweet.
Pro tips if you want to make a playlist: Don’t pick all sappy love songs. Make it a variety! Some songs that you know she loves, some songs that make you think of her, fun songs to dance to, and of course some songs by lesbian artists.
She’s vulnerable with you.
Spending long nights talking about what makes you really vulnerable is the most beautiful way to build a bond (in my humble opinion).
Being vulnerable can mean something different for everyone. Maybe it means she talks to you about her complex relationship with her family. Or how she’s really struggling at work right now. Maybe she tells you about a fear she has about relationships. Vulnerability is like sharing a part of yourself you keep locked up in a box, buried deep in your being. It takes a lot of energy to bring those topics up! She wouldn’t do it if she didn’t trust you and really feel for you.
She trusts you with her deepest, darkest parts.
If she’s down to get into the nitty-gritty of her past, you’ve got a future. We all have baggage. That’s just a fact of life. Talking about the skeletons in your closet, now that’s a whole other thing in it of itself. When you share those parts of yourself with another human being—it takes your connection to the next level.
She misses you when you don’t see each other for a while.
When you haven’t seen each other for a while, does she send you a message telling you how much she misses you? Maybe she sends a pic of the two of you the last time you were together. Or makes time to see you ever for a half hour before her next crazy bar shift. Basically, she’s telling you that you’re on her min—even when she’s not around you.
Surefire sign, babes. She’s into you.
She wants to meet your friends.
If you’ve dropped the hint when you’re going out with your besties that she’s totally welcome to join—and she takes you up on that offer, this is real. Not only is she investing in you, but she’s making a genuine effort to get to know the people in you life! She cares. That is so important if you genuinely want to build a relationship with this person.
Being with someone who doesn’t care about your loved ones is basically saying that everything else that happens in your life (other than her) doesn’t ~really~ matter to them.
She doesn’t freak out if you don’t text back right away.
Listen, sometimes a girl gets busy, am I right? Even when we’re constantly glued to our phones for work, communication, reading, and social media—we sometimes don’t have time to respond to every message right away. Our generation is so used to everything happening instantaneously. So if she is chill when you don’t get back to her for hours on end while you’re running around ~doing you~ that means she trusts you. It’s also a good sign that she won’t have serious jealousy issues later on in your relationships (which totally can be worked through, that’s a whole other article for another day!).
Pro tip: If any of these really clicked for you and made you realize that you’re falling even more in love with your girl—tell her! The hopeless romantic in me says don’t wait another day. When you know you love someone, tell them. We all deserve to feel love.