In about three short weeks, a fleet of beautiful, interesting, eclectic lesbians will flock like gay sheep to the stunning desert wonderland that is Palm Springs, California. We won’t be descending upon the holy desert for some fringe-boot wearing music festival, as one might expect. We’re there for something far better: The Dinah Shore Weekend. The weekend that lesbian dreams are made of.
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Dinah is a fierce AF, legendary event — however. One could possibly, tamper the Dinah magic if one gets laden with a nasty hangover. Some of us (like myself) are sensitive to booze and can miss whole days hiding beneath the sheets of the hotel-room bed, dying of dehydration and shame.
Lucky for you, I’ve learned all the hacks that will prevent you from missing out on the DINAH LESBIAN magic because you’re hungover. I have a faux Master’s Degree in Hangover Prevention.
So long as you follow my advice, you’ll be dancing at the pool party in the day and getting down and dirty at the club at night — while feeling like a spring goddamn chicken the morning after.
1. Get a B12 shot beforehand — it’s an absolute game-changer.
Kittens. Dykes. Babes. Whatever. If you listen to ~anything~ I tell you, anything — please let it be this. Before the Dinah, you need to get a B12 shot injected into either your arm or your bum (bum hurts less, arm works better). Alcohol actually flushes the B vitamins out of our system, and B vitamins are essential in producing red blood cells (and for feeling sane and energized).
And with the amount of drinking you’re likely going to be doing at the Dinah, B12 vitamins in capsule form aren’t going to cut it. You need to a f*cking shot. Like with a needle. Administered by a nurse.
The first time I got a B12 injection, I felt like I could sing opera I was so lit and high from the vitamins! I had all this insatiable energy! My skin glowed like a real-live yoga-bitch! And…my hangovers were non-existent.
Important to note: Never pay more than $25 for a B12 shot. They are not hard to find, almost every city has some kind of B12 deal — look on Groupon! (It’s safe, I mean let’s be real: It’s not like you’re getting a boob job on Groupon, it’s a tiny little pinch of vitamins into your flesh. No biggie.)
2. Emergen-C Packets in your cocktails.
You know those little electrolyte Emergen-C packets you can buy at the deli? Buy BOXES upon BOXES upon BOXES of these. For they’re teeming with Vitamin C and electrolytes, both of which you need when you’re partying hard.
I like to get ahead of the game and sprinkle those sachets into my vodka sodas. This makes a huge difference in avoiding the hangover, plus, it adds a nice little citrus flavor to your dismal vodka soda (the khaki pants of cocktails).
3. Champagne or rosè or white wine with TONS of ice.
Personally, I can’t drink beer because it gives me horrendous gas, gut bloat, and a killer migraine. However, I can’t slug back hard-liquor all day either, you know? If I drink hard-liquor in the sunshine I’ll end up nude in the pool, and that won’t go over well, babe. I’d probably get axed from GO and banned from The Dinah for life. And I’m too young to be banned from The Dinah (my new fake birthday is 1990).
So…that means I’m a rosè, white wine or champagne gal. But because those beverages are like SO FUN to drink, it’s easy to down ’em a little too quickly. To help with pacing, get some ice, baby. Ask the bartender for a large glass filled with ice and drop that shit right into your champagne or wine. As you take sips keep filling up your cup with ice-cubes. It will make your drink last a helluva lot longer and the ice will turn to water, which means you’ll be far more hydrated. The key to combating a hangover is hydration, honey.
Also, it’s a chic drink. In France, they call champagne with ice a “piscine” which is French for “swimming pool.” It’s the drink of choice for the European royals and first-class International jet-setting, so you can feel really smug and bitchy as you sip on your regal “piscine.”
3. The modern girl’s mimosa: prosecco and kombucha.
Do you like to kick-start your day with a mimosa? Oh you, do? Me too. Except we’re going to modernize the old-school, tired mimosa. We’re going to skip the orange juice. Orange juice on its own will give you a hangover with all that SUGAR and all those nasty preservatives. If you trade your OJ with a Kombucha, you’ll be in the clear.
Not only will your drink taste so much better and attain a quarter of the sugar, but it will also help to pace you. (Go heavy on the Kombucha and add a splash of prosecco or champers.)
Kombucha has a tremendous amount of antioxidants which will help to combat GAS, which honey, let’s not f*ck around. You and I both know that you’ll be feeling gassy. Travel makes everyone gassy — as does drinking. Get ahead of the gas game with some kombucha! Also, the probiotics in kombucha reduce stomach pain, so you won’t wake up with extreme nausea and cramping after a night of drinking!
Also, it tastes amazing and goes so much better with the California desert than the gross, store, bought orange juice. OJ is for the weak. Kombucha is for us. Purr.
4. Charcoal capsules.
Take one to four capsules of activated charcoal before you go to bed at night.
I don’t care if you’re a hot mess. Set an alarm! Put them by your bed! If you can get it together to book your hotel room and make it to Dinah — you can get it together to pop an activated charcoal pill before bed. Why activated charcoal? Activated charcoal is said to absorb the poisons and toxins of alcohol which will prevent you from feeling recklessly hungover.
Though some people dispute this theory, I must say, it works for and works for the Father of biohacking, David Asprey.
5. Turmeric.
There is nothing in this world that cures all alignments like turmeric. So listen up ladies, I need you to buy turmeric and stock your hotel room with it at Dinah.
I like the powder because I’ll sprinkle it into my smoothies, mix it into a cup of hot water to make a tincture, douse my cocktails with it, and pepper that shit all over my food. But if you’re afraid about the orange powder staining everything (turmeric stains!) the capsules will do, I suppose. Turmeric will help soak up the acid-residue from the alcohol, it will prevent and relieve any nausea, detoxify your liver, de-puff your bloated liquor face (it’s nature’s strongest natural inflammatory) and it helps relieve anxiety and depression (which can creep in after a night of drinking!).
6. Put a “no shot” rule in place.
Girl. Dinah is no joke. You’ll be drinking by the pool in the day, and drinking at all the fab parties at night. Listen to your lesbian big sister: There is no need for shots. Shots will render you wasted and turn you into the bitch who is sent home early and misses the fun.
7. WEAR SUNSCREEN. WEAR SUNSCREEN. WEAR SUNSCREEN.
Do you know what’s worse than a hangover? A hangover with a wicked, painful, bright red-sunburn. So lube up, babe. And say hi. Our team will be at the GO booth. Meow!
What Do You Think?