An Ode To House Of Yes: Where Glittery Gay Dreams Come True

Judgment day has come, bitches.

Imagine a place that’s dripping in glitter, disco lights, and sex appeal. Imagine a place where you can unabashedly be yourself, dress how you want, love who you want, and lose yourself dancing to techno beats in a sea of hot queer babes. House Of Yes is where your fantasies come to life.

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One of the reasons I was most excited to move to Brooklyn, aside from it being teeming with hot single lesbians, was that I’d be close to one of my favorite clubs: House Of Yes.

Where do I start?

House Of Yes is f*cking gorgeous, first of all. The decor is insane — literally. I have never seen anything like it. From their disco-mirrored bathroom to their gigantic eyeball structures to their hanging cages where dancers contort their bodies and shake their asses —this might be the most Instagram-able place of all time. Except you’ll be having way too much fun to Instagram.

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There are always incredible performers slaying and doing some sexy weird shit. The drinks are flowing. Hot babes are dancing. And they have regular events that are especially for queer femmes.

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Last Sunday was the Bad Behavior party — an intentional space for queer folks. And ya’ll really turned. it. out. Like it’s painful how hot everyone looked.

Photo by Shea Carmen Swan, Sheaography LLC.
Photo by Shea Carmen Swan, Sheaography LLC.

Our girl Amber Valentine DJed, looking chic AF and unbothered with her perfectly cut and colored hair while she spun sexy beats that kept us sweating.

Photo by Shea Carmen Swan, Sheaography LLC.

HOY is a truly inclusive and welcoming atmosphere while still maintaining the mystique and eliteness of a chic sexy club. It achieves the unachievable — being cool and nice. Did you miss Bad Behavior? Lucky for you, there is another fab queer party going on TONIGHT, called FATE hosted by our friends XOXA.

FATE is a multi-sensory dance powered journey through heaven, purgatory and hell. (Which I am personally excited AF for and have planned my sexy-fallen-angel outfit for weeks.) Discover your place in the afterlife as you wander through three realms of sensory exploration. XOXA resident DJ’s HardCandy & Darelectric with guest DJ’s Beat Kitty and IFE to guide you through your journey. Judgment day has come, bitches. Even though Dante’s Inferno was boring AF to read, it always strangely turned me on thinking about the layers of hell, and I think that concept will make for one hell of a party. See you there?

House Of Yes is the perfect club if you are: A little bit weird, love to dress completely over the top, are looking to connect and mingle and dance with NYC creative queers. House Of Yes is also perfect if you’re looking to do a little ~consensual touching~. While it’s not a full-blown play party, human connection is encouraged, as long as everything is consensual. In the word’s of House Of Yes’ website, they are “obsessed with consent.”

Their bouncers are absolutely incredible at making sure all behavior is consensual. Once, a guy slapped my friend’s ass there. She shrugged it off (as women are wont to do when we’re used to being sexually harassed in clubs) but within seconds a bouncer asked if that was consensual, she said no, and he was immediately kicked out. No bullshit at House Of Yes. I was v impressed.

There are multiple rooms to explore and stimulate all of your ~senses~. I personally don’t like to be touched by strangers (shocking, I know) but if that’s your thing, there are plenty of opportunities that aren’t just sex. There are sensual massages, palm readings, and lots of grinding on the dance floor.

If you’re looking to dress in the weirdest outfit you own, douse yourself in glitter, get sweaty AF, and unabashedly shake your ass amongst a bunch of hot queer babes, then House Of Yes is for you.

If you’re going to FATE tonight, message me! Or come say hi. :’)

What Do You Think?

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