Ask the Expert! Get Answers to Your Relationship Questions

Carol-Sugar-Burke, Executive Matchmaker and Relationship Counselor, offers expert love advice.

Dear Carol,

I’m shocked and bewildered about how few people I meet actually have their own personality and opinions. The last woman I dated was attractive, seemed genuinely interested in me and was otherwise agreeable. It started off well, since we appeared to have so much in common. By the fourth date it seemed clear that we were a lot alike, as she had no ideas or opinions of her own. I invited her to dinner at an Indian restaurant because she’d mentioned when we met that she liked Indian food. I’m not a fan of Indian cuisine, but I was willing to please her. After a meal that lasted practically forever (my stomach was churning and the food didn’t agree with me) I confessed that I wasn’t a fan of Indian food, but I hoped she enjoyed her meal. At that point she turned to me and said “I’m glad to hear you say that; I don’t like Indian food, either.” That was our fourth and final date. I don’t want a woman who doesn’t have a mind of her own and just agrees with everything I say. Why do I attract such weak and mindless individuals? –Bewildered


Dear Bewildered,

We are all attracted to people we share common goals, interests and hobbies with, and that’s the first sign of a good match. If you had nothing in common with someone, then there would be no common ground to build a relationship on. Nevertheless, that is completely different than someone who has none of their own ideas or opinions.

I think in finding a good partner, we want someone who has some different interests than we might have and who will teach us different things. We want someone we will learn from and who can learn from us. It’s important to be challenged to be the best we can be. We are all individuals and need to have some independence of our own. The next time you feel attracted to someone, make sure to ask them questions about themselves and learn about them as an individual. Often when meeting someone we get caught up in the initial attraction and don’t really pay attention to what’s right in front of us.

Be patient, Bewildered. The right person is out there, and you will meet her when you least expect it!


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