Wherever you’re social distancing this Halloween, do it in style. Don’t let your face mask be your only costume — keep thriving and keep queering out. This year has already been one big landfill of a dumpster fire and we don’t know what November 3rd brings. Let yourself get a lil batty, flip on that ring light, and Zoom into whatever madlibbed virtual queer (adjective) (noun) halloween (noun), you’re clicking into. And get creative! Listen, Spirit Halloween is great for everything from basic witch to slightly niche costumes — and it’s especially great for bringing life and commerce into FOR LEASE buildings in midtown — and possibly the White House someday. But honestly, if you have the time and the energy, you can make your own costume. Check out our roundup of socio-politically relevant costumes.
Disclaimer: I like to dress up as anything snarky and slutty for Halloween, so this li’l list is going to follow suit. From BDSM flies laying eggs on Pence’s head to dressing up as a political THOT piece, get inspired.
Mike Pence Fly 2020
Who knew a damn fly would steal the show at the VP debates, let alone break the internet? And I think it’s time for that fly to take up even more mental and physical space, because we certainly don’t Commander Fred Waterford (Mike Pence) to do any more irreperatble damage to this country or our mental health. And in honor of his chronically repressed views on sex and intimacy (ie he calls his wife ‘mother’) let’s make it extra sexy. So here’s what you’ll need.
Give me a V for VINYL COSTUME. From the makers of “I Voted” pasties, Yandy.com has this super fun one-piece available in S – XL for $44.95.
Kitchen Sink Strainers + Headband. This is the most-practical way to achieve those cool, mosaic-looking eyes which you then super glue onto a knit headband. If you want bigger eyeballs, you can also use strainer baskets without the handle.
Headband. A knit headband will act as a stylish, comfortable, and easy-to-wear anchor for the eyes.
Grey Comb Over (OPTIONAL) If you *really* want to drive the point home. I’d recommend sticking a detachable grey wig to your butt. You can do this with velcro which you can find at your local drugstore and this for an easy $12.99
Political THOT Piece
This is a great solution for a throw-on-and-go look. As a former high-glam femme with very low-maintenance vibes, this would be my pick because it’s impactful and really easy to do.
Beige Bodystocking. For a whopping $9.95 at Yandy.com, you can cop this sheer one-size-fits all suit.
Fly Wings. The real ones look a little nasty, so I found this cute pair.
Carol Baskin Robbins
In honor of America’s favorite narcissist/cat lady/future true crime story/pyramid schemester/DWTS contestant — pick one, any, or all of her identities she’s accrued like bad interest — Carol Baskin came out as bi. So let’s celebrate with some ice cream (get it)?
Here’s what you’ll need:
A long blond wig. I would crimp it a little if you have a crimper or just wash, condition, braid, and let it air dry (for maximum frizz because ya’ll know the bitch hasn’t conditioned her hair since the “disappearance” of her husband). I found this sexy ‘lil mane for $17.67.
Pick a leopard, any leopard or all the leopard prints. This is the time to get catty — because Carol sure does. Remember: She loves a good peasant sleeve maybe just as much as she loves lawsuits, so think flowy.
A flower crown. While it looks stunning on others, it’s a little too twee for me (outside of Oktoberfest season), but it’s QUINTESSENTIAL Carol. From festival vibes to a hedgefund-money-fueled wedding at the Plaza, the internet is your botanical garden when it comes to options. These are pretty cute.
What better way to pay tribute to a queen, a goddess, a prophet than channeling her magnificence into a sexy Halloween costume? Sadly though, because of her oppressive conservatorship status, she’s been in quarantine since before Covid-19 was a global pandemic.
So bring on the cropped peasant tops, shorts, smudged-out eyeliner, and a high-ass ponytail, because this Halloween, we’re going hard #FreeBritney from top to ring toe.
Cropped peasant top. Cue the ditziest florals you’ve ever worn. And don’t just get one, get all of them. Brit has one for everyday of the week — why don’t you?
Denim cut-off shorts, but make ‘em low-rise. From this costume to your next Nutcracker-filled foray at Riis beach, consider these a fashion foundation.
High ponytail & smudged eyeliner. Remember, just like Brittany, you want to look like you’ve been dancing for hours with no end in sight — probably like a 3-hour doomscroll, TikTok Binge, or this pandemic.
Ocean Slay #OceanSprayChallenge
What’s more 2020 AF than dressing up as a TikTok challenge (besides every other option on this list)? Dunno. This one is pretty easy to create and probably going to be a bonafide fave. I’d also like to thank my brilliant friend for this idea who loves a good TikTok sesh.
Grey Hoodie. Whether it’s yours, baes, or your exes, I’m 100% confident that you have one lying around. Since I like to keep things sexy for the best holiday of the year, I found this cropped one.
Black jeans. Or leggings, or biker shorts. Yup, it’s as simple as that.
Skateboard. I don’t own one, but my bae does — or I think it’s a longboard as the kids call it? I’m especially good at falling off moving things, so I’ll probably just pose with it — just like the poser I am. But if you’re good at airwalks, half-pipes, or whatever, then hop on and don’t forget to grab the Ocean Spray.
Ocean Spray. If you don’t want to chug the whole damn thing, I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this, but it’s a great mixer for all types of drinks.