This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: Stop Trolling Cynthia Nixon

You don’t have to vote for her but STOP MOCKING HER.

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I love being a dyke. I love being queer. I love being a lesbian. I love my bisexual, trans, gay, non-binary figurative siblings, and I love the fabulous heterosexual allies that dutifully support our right to safely exist in this increasingly homophobic world. However, I can’t help but notice, that lately, certain *leaders* of my beloved LGBTQ+ community seem to be besotted with the art of burning bridges. Bridges that could possibly lead to the beautiful and luminous Isle of Tolerance, I fear.

We’ve been collectively been losing our minds over the internet recently, haven’t we darling? It’s like queer mercury has been in queer retrograde for the past 365 days! I get it, girl. You’re angry. I’m angry! In fact, I’m so overcome with incessant anger I’m considering adding a mood stabilizer to my daily antidepressant cocktail.

Same.

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But why, dear why, are we so damn angry at each other? Instead of funneling our rage toward the evil man at the helm we’re penning 7,000-word essays about why sexually fluid pop stars are “damaging.” Really? I happen to think that young women owning their sexuality and staunchly refusing to subscribe to a label that “doesn’t feel right” to them is pretty damn cool. After all, didn’t we empower the youth to be authentic? We don’t get to control the way in which a movement evolves and we don’t have any say over what the authenticity of a young person looks or sounds like.

I’m afraid we’ve become an alarmingly fragile bunch, my sweet kittens. I mean, if a sexually fluid pop star is somehow damaging your adult life, you really need to take a little Reality Check mini-break. Maybe go spend a weekend in a war-torn country so you can garner a little perspective on what’s actually damaging? I’m not judging (maybe a little!) because I’ve been there. However, when I find myself getting bent out of shape over stupid things, like a straight celebrity donning a rainbow-colored dress (OUR RAINBOW! HOW DARE THEY?), I drag my ass to the Catskills and I go visit my dear friend in prison. Starlets in rainbow-colored dresses are the least of her problems.

We’ve become so obsessed with criticizing and over-intellectualizing, it’s as if we’ve lost touch with our guts. Our primal instincts. We can no longer tell the difference between creative expression and an actual “damaging” performance. We can’t differentiate between art and real life. Fantasy and reality! And most devastatingly, we can’t seem to be able to spot our enemies from our allies.

We’re hiding behind so many buzzwords it’s as if we’ve forgotten how to speak like human beings.

And the saddest part? We’re not reaching the people who need to be reached at all. You think “you’re helping the kids” you so fiercely claim to care about when you speak like that? No, you’re alienating them with all that hyper-educated internet elitism. The problematic pop stars are the ones *actually* stopping them from killing themselves with the sexually empowering anthems you find to be so “violent.”

Every time I hear or see yet another long-winded rant about HOW DANGEROUS RUPAUL IS or HOW DANGEROUS AND PROBLEMATIC AND VIOLENT LADY GAGA IS or HOW THE TERM QUEER IS OFFENSIVE TO LESBIANS I throw up in my mouth a little bit. I’m not exaggerating, I have the acid reflux pills to prove it.

“Have these people ever been anywhere outside the pearly gates of a liberal arts college? THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS,” I roar to myself at least 23 times per day. And I know I’m not alone in these feelings. And I’m sick of being scared into silence by these tyrants, aren’t you, babes?

This is why I started the column “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things.” And would ~love~ for you to be a part of it, honey. Tell me what’s pissing you off before you go hate-tweet and regret it! Message me today!

That being said, I proudly present to you, my first rant:

STOP SHAMING CYNTHIA NIXON FOR RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF NEW YORK.

I get it. I get that you’re sick to death of actors trying to be politicians. I get that you’re sick of politics being ripped out of the hands of the experienced professionals and suddenly thrust into the haphazard, star-studded, wholly inadequate hands of a celebrity. I hate that we have a reality TV star as our president– it makes my skin crawl and it makes me want to book a flight back to bleak London (and there are few things I hated more than living in London, but we’ll save that story for another essay).

But first, hear me out: Cynthia Nixon is not Donald Trump. Not. Even. Close.

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First of all, she’s a woman. In an openly queer relationship, that she’s extremely open about. She’s married to a woman, for Christ’s sake! That makes her a marginalized person, unlike Trump. She’s also wickedly smart. Her wife has experience in politics, not in modeling (not model-shaming in the slightest, just stating the facts).

She also has a giant network of young women and gay men who religiously follow her, that might not otherwise be into politics. It absolutely sucks that the world is more influenced by celebrities than they are by experienced politicians, but that’s the real state of affairs in this country right now. Better her than that racist, homophobic asshole from Duck Dynasty, amIright?

Also, don’t write and share essay after essay about how desperately you want more women and queer people in positions of power and then get super bitchy when an openly bisexual woman decides to run for Governor. PSA: You don’t have to vote for Cynthia Nixon. You’re not obligated to vote for her just because you both fall under the umbrella of LGBTQ or because you both identify as women. I would never undermine your intelligence like that, I swear to the Indigo Girls. Hell, I don’t know that I’m going to vote for Cynthia Nixon. I want to know where she stands on the vast array of vitally important issues close to my heart before I cast a vote for anyone. (How’s that for smug!)

However, *I will* applaud Nixon until my hands bleed for trying to make a positive difference in the city I happen to love so much. For daring to disrupt the status quo of the boys club that is American Politics. She’s a smart girl. She knew that all of you (yes you) sexist trolls were going to make smug comments about how a frivolous “Sex And The City” actress is trying to run for governor, how dare she? Because clearly, a woman can’t be on a successful TV show that focuses on “trivial” subjects like sex and fashion and also be insanely smart and politically astute, right? Women aren’t allowed to have dramatic career changes (especially after 40), no that would be m-e-s-s-y. It would tear apart the cardboard box you stuffed her inside, wouldn’t it?

Seriously. (Via Twitter)

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What I’m really trying to say is this: Why don’t you hear her out and find out more about her political background before you go dogging on your own kind, babes? You said you were sick of white straight men running the show, correct? Cynthia Nixon is not a straight white man. She’s an outspoken education activist. A breast cancer survivor. A native New Yorker. A graduate of Bard University. An Emmy winner. An out bisexual. A MOM. Women can be awesomely nuanced creatures, contrary to popular opinion.

And maybe, just maybe Nixon will use her platform as a tried and true celebrity, to get people to turn out to vote, who have previously felt that they weren’t being spoken to. Like it or hate it, “Sex and The City” is one of the most successful pop institutions to ever exist in our culture. Maybe she’ll inspire and empower a queer little girl to run for Mayor one day, while she’s at it.  Maybe she’ll speak in a language that all people can understand, not just those who feverishly read “The Atlantic.”

Regardless of whether you want to vote for her or not, don’t you just feel a tiny bit proud that someone in our community attains the incredible strength and wherewithal, in these increasingly dark political times, to strive for a position of power, even when she knows she’s going to be mocked and mocked and mocked?

I wonder if she knew she was going to be mocked by women and queer people as well the boy trolls? Probably not. Welcome to the dark side, Cynthia. I know it sucks, but you have this little lesbian’s support. Not her vote (just yet). But endless her support.

So how do you feel? Tell us in the comments!