If you say you aren’t at least *a little* bit attracted to Shane, you’re lying. When I was a baby dyke, I was IN LOVE with her despite her weird rocker outfits, her dirty ass hair, and the fact that she probably reeked of cigarettes. Now I’m totally over the Shane type — JK I would still low-key hook up with her in a heartbeat. That’s the dangerous charm of the Shane type (an ode to the lesbian f*ckboy coming soon to a computer screen near you). But with all of that swag and charm, inevitably comes a penchant for bad decisions, impulsive actions, and overall nonsense.
Please sit back and enjoy the 10 greatest Shane f*ck ups.
10. Snorting a line of oxy without asking what it was.
I mean, yeah, assuming a white line is cocaine is understandable, but be a little more responsible, Shane! Tomorrow you have to do Cherie Jaffe’s hair and you’re, like, totally going to fall in love with her!
9. Going down on Nikki Stevens.
8. Cheating on Carmen.
Unfortunately, the cheating scene was SO HOT. Strap on action with completely believable thrusting? Poolside? Yes, please. But hurting Carmen? And justifying it because she was “sad”? No thank you.
7. Doing a bunch of coke, asking for Carmen back, crashing Cherie’s car, leaving the scene of the accident, then roaming around Hollywood covered in blood, having no idea where she was.
I don’t even know where to start with this whole mess. Don’t do drugs kids.
6. Hooking up with Jenny.
Okay, the common lesbian consensus is that this is gross, so it’s included as a f*ck up. But lock me up in the mental ward and throw away the key because I thought this was so damn sexy. I know! I’m twisted. You secretly love it.
5. Having sex with a bride and her entire family on her wedding day.
OK, Shane is hot and all, and I would totally have sex with her, but it’s just unrealistic that an ENTIRE BRIDAL PARTY INCLUDING THE STRAIGHT BRIDE HOOKS UP WITH HER. It’s also just unprofessional and in poor taste — aka another f*ck up for Shane.
4. Being obnoxious AF to Carmen.
Like when she goes to see Carmen DJ, but blatantly hooks up with another girl WHILE HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH CARMEN.
3. Never having a conversation about safe sex.
I am a half-retired slut and full supporter of full time sluts. But you have to protect yourself and other people! Not once does Shane say “I was tested last month, what about you?” Come on Shane.
2. Wearing those weird vest things.
Honestly what the hell.
1. Leaving Carmen at the altar.
Perhaps the biggest f*ck up in human history. WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU.