There are never enough L Word quizzes — that is an unalienable lesbian truth. This quiz will let you know what hot Los Angeles Sapphic babe you are — though you probably already have some idea, considering this has been on our collective lesbian mind for over 10 years.
When you were a kid, did you ever take a Harry Potter quiz, and get Hufflepuff, and be disappointed AF because lowkey everyone knows Hufflepuff is lame? Then you’d take it again and purposely manipulate your answers, hoping to get Gryffindor? And then you’d still get Hufflepuff. Yeah, that’s me but with L Word quizzes and Jenny. But now I just let my crazy flag fly. Anyway, please enjoy this quiz that will reveal the inter-workings of your lesbian soul. Keep track of your answers, then refer to the list at the end.
1. How did you meet?
a) Tinder! I love online dating.
b) The Woods BK. It’s my spot.
c) Cubbyhole, after some coaxing from my friends, because I am a little shy.
d) At Bowery Poets Club. She was smitten when I performed my abstract feminist poem.
e) at MoMA. I was admiring a painting. She was admiring my ass.
2. What are you wearing?
a) jeans, turtleneck, scarf, and a funky hat
b) a leather vest without a bra. No it doesn’t matter that its freezing.
c) high heeled sandals with tapered jeans
d) thigh highs, skirt, white button up, lace bra
e) tight pants and a blazer
3. Where is your first date?
a) The Pyramid Club— I love 80s music, being silly and dancing with my date!
b) I’m gonna be at Hens tonight with my friends, I’ll text her to come by
d) The Morbid Anatomy Museum
e) dinner and drinks at Smith and Wollensky, then to the opera, where I’ll totally inconspicuously finger her
4. What are you talking about on your date?
b) how I don’t do relationships
c) I’m too anxious to talk, hopefully she asks all the questions
d) About this story that I’m working on, about how when I was 12, I used to masturbate like 20
times a day….and I’m not sure whether I should make it like…fiction or…like a
New Yorker style essay piece.
e) how Christmas is a capitalistic invention
5. How are you saying “I love you”?
a) I’m proclaiming it loudly at a crowded restaurant; I want everyone to know how happy I am!
b) I’m not
c) while we’re sharing a quiet post-sex moment, snuggled up as the snow falls outside
d) through a long complicated metaphor about manatees
e) by stealing the ’17 Reasons Why’ sign and presenting it to her on a tractor
6. What is your song?
a) Heaven Is A Place On Earth – Belinda Carlisle
b) I Can’t Quit You Baby– Led Zeppelin
c) Closer To Fine – The Indigo Girls
d) Video Games – Lana Del Rey
e) A Case Of You – Joni Mitchell
7. What is your first fight about?
a) she didn’t listen to my podcast.
b) she called me out on my bullshit
c) she drew too much attention to us in public, I got embarrassed
d) when I asked for constructive criticism on my writing, she actually gave it
e) she was too tired to attend a protest with me
8. How are you apologizing to her?
a) knocking on her door in the middle of the night, I can’t stand another second of fighting
b) waiting for her to come back
c) I apologize immediately, I love her too much to stay mad
d) giving her the cold shoulder until she tells me how brilliant and gifted I am
e) saying ‘it’s okay’ but holding it against her for a while
9. What are you buying her for your first anniversary?
a) an elaborate handmade book, listing all the reasons I love her
b) a beer
c) a romantic weekend away in a quaint Vermont cottage
d) asking her to tattoo my name
e) a trip to some lavish & exotic place, that I really want to go to
10. How are ya’ll breaking up?
a) she broke up with me for being too intense, I am heartbroken and just wish she’d come kiss my eyelids or something
b) I ghosted her
c) we’re not, we just got engaged in Vermont!
d) I had a psychotic break and got way too into my weird circus-themed short stories
e) I tried to tell her what to do and she got sick of it, but I’m really working on that in therapy!
Mostly ‘A’- you’re an Alice!
You are hilarious, quirky, and creative. You have an irresistible charm and wit. You are going to wow your lady on your winter date with your unique date spot ideas and the extravagant ways you tell stories. Just be careful not to over-perform– you might come off a little self-absorbed. And at you’re core, you’re quite the opposite. You are v sensitive and empathetic, so show it! Just don’t wear that weird hat. You know the one I’m talking about.
Mostly ‘B’- you’re a Shane!
Congrats, you’re f*cking hot! You’re also a little bit of an asshole. This is not the way to score a winter bae. It’s cuffing season, girl! You need to try a little bit harder than just looking good without makeup in menswear. I know, to tie you down, you’re gonna need an intergalactically hot girl like Carmen. But even girls as hot as Carmen aren’t gonna put up with your BS. Grow up and take a lady out for a nice dinner. <3
Mostly ‘C’- you’re a Dana!
Perhaps the most universally loved character on The L Word, that’s you! Ladies just can’t resist your genuine, awkward charm. You are upfront about being an anxious babe, and chicks dig that. When you fall, you fall hard. You have open communication and real and raw relationships thanks to being your true self. You are most likely to get wifed up this winter season. Just careful not to fall for a Tonya.
Mostly ‘D’- you’re a Jenny!
Perhaps the most universally hated character on The L Word, that’s you! (And me.) You are a tad self- absorbed and unstable, it’s true, but you also have an undeniable allure. You are unapologetically imperfect, which in turn, makes you sexy AF. You’ll do anything for your art, like get your heartbroken this winter season when your date leaves you for being a Jenny. It’s okay, girl. We can get drinks and wear stockings and talk about how ~tortured~ we are.
Mostly ‘E’- you’re a Bette!
You are the hot power babe! You have control issues, but I’m sure you already knew that. You really know how to impress a lady and show her the finer things in life. Rather than a dive bar, you go the 5-star restaurant route. Rather than a craft fair, you go the museum route. Some of the art is super weird and your bae pretends to get it to impress you even though they are thinking I could’ve made that. You are one classy, intellectual woman– who looks f*cking hot in a suit. This Jenny Schecter babe wants to date you.