On one uneventful Tuesday, I, Carrie Lezshaw, had a stroke of genius.
“What if I communicate on Tinder solely using The L Word quotes?” I asked Corinne, GO’s resident sexpert and managing editor. I had high hopes for this experiment because of this hilarious Sex and the City Tinder Experiment by Carina Hsieh.
We spent the next 15 minutes peeing our pants laughing, rounding up L Word quotes. I love my job.
Once I was ready to send the quotes, I realized that all I do is complain that no one wants to date me, and yet I had hundreds of unanswered Tinder messages from hot lesbians. So what do I do? Ruin those chances with a batshit crazy quote. All for you, dear reader. And also because I secretly hoped one lez would get it and then respond with another L Word quote and then we’d L Word marathon and/or f*ck and/or live happily ever after.
I present to you, the fruits of my swiping-the-entire-train-ride-home labor.
1. The hopeless romantic:
First up is the sensitive artistic girl, that was endlessly sweet when putting up with my nonsense. I think she just wants to be loved. Sigh. Don’t we all?
Quote: Jenny, being obnoxious and crass (that’s my girl!) when she’s at a dinner with Max’s wealthy computer bro coworkers & their wives (Season 3, episode 12)
Second quote: Jenny, when her stepfather catches her and Max in bed together– Awkward! (Season 3, episode 1)
Third quote: Bette, defending one of her weird-ass art shows to a Republican donor (every season, every episode)
Since I’m a writer, I usually get asked “what do you write about?” as an opening line. So Jenny’s ridiculous musings worked perfectly.
I sent a screenshot of this to my friend and he didn’t get that I was quoting The L Word because all of these sad-girl sentences are just really me things to say.
2. The tough daddy:
Next up was the girl who was overly confident, then took no shit and was ready to fight. Definitely a Papi.
Quote: Molly, calling Shane out on being a player (season 5, episode 7)
I’m a little scared TBH. Also “I don’t know you from shit” is my new favorite line.
3. The girl who saw through my shit and was funny AF:
Opening quote: Jenny to Marina, after they bang and she panics and gets all but-I’m-straight! (season 1, episode 4)
Her: Tina, speaking to Bette (season 1, episode 1)
Me: Crazy Tonya, about to f*ck Dana at Dinah Shore(season 1, episode 11)
Her: The Look’s Producer, to Alice (season 5, episode 7)
*Heart eyes emoji*
4. The girl who just wants to get laid and uses scary emojis:
Quote: Jenny to Marina, after they bang and she panics and gets all but-I’m-straight! (season 1, episode 4)
I legit have night terrors about that emoji. And the fact that she answered me after that completely mentally unstable line of an opener shows that she is committed to getting laid. No judgement.
5. The smooth talker:
Quote: Joyce, talking to Phyllis (season 5, episode 2)
*Considers asking her out*
6. The apathetic and unimpressed:
Quote: spoken by Shane after Carmen shows her that totally 90s weird DJ set, then Carmen says “f*ck you” and Shane says “if you want.” Then they have the hottest sex ever and Carmen shows off her sexy back tattoo and 13-year-old me has a mental breakdown. (season 2, episode 3)
Womp.
7. The girl I actually ended up realizing I’ve known for years:
Quote: Jenny, asking if Shane is going to say hi to Carmen or keep being a f*ckboy (season 2, episode 3)
The lesbian community really can be a hotbed of rumor and innuendo!
8. The pragmatic stylist:
Quote: Alice, trying to help Dana figure out if the hot chef is gay (season 1, episode 2)
Rational answer.
9. The storyteller:
Quote: Bette, in reference to Shane being a f*ckboy (this is obviously a common theme) (season 1, episode 1)
This girl is a total Jenny.
9. I could not resist this opportunity for an Alice quote:
Quote: Alice, after Marina leaves The Planet and the coffee turns to shit (season 2, episode 1)
Not really surprised I got ghosted after this response TBH.
10. This quote doesn’t even make any sense:
Quote:Molly, flirting with Shane (season 5, episode 7)
This girl was really cute too and now she thinks I’m crazy.
11. This perfectly reasonable literary advice:
Quote: Jenny, being obnoxious and crass (that’s my girl!) when she’s at a dinner with Max’s wealthy computer bro coworkers & their wives (Season 3, episode 12)
My next essay will be about the time I really did masturbate like 20 times a day when I was 12.
12. My favorite response of them all:
Quote: Alice, defending her ex Gabby’s asshole personality (season 1, episode 4)
That’s my type of bitch.
At the end of the day, I felt a little bad doing this. After I sent the first message, I low-key started to panic that this was a mean-spirited experiment. But I continued with the hope that it would be worth it for the sheer humor. The majority of responses were not as funny and colorful as I had hoped. I sent like a bajillion messages and got about 30 responses total: most of them unremarkable. Women are so used to putting up with bullshit in our daily lives, I’m not surprised some of them didn’t entertain my weird messages. Women either don’t put up with bullshit at all, or nicely entertain it.
From the ones that did make the cut for this piece, I got a whole range of interactions. Some responses were mean. Some were lackluster. Some were weird. Some were flat out confused. Some of them liked quirky shit and were into my message! Oh, lesbians, you are so diverse. How I adore you.
My little experiment made me reflect upon lesbian dating culture, especially femme for femme relationships. Lesbian dating is hard! I had so many matches just sitting there, both of us too awkward or shy to send the first message. This experiment held me accountable for interacting with my matches, instead of lazily waiting for them to message me. Even when my message was weird AF, I got responses. Maybe we’re all just waiting to be messaged first.
I’m not sure that I would want to keep ruining my chances with women with my crazy Jenny quotes—which is why next week, I will be trying this same experiment on men. Stay tuned lezzies. Shit is about to get weird.
I was hoping this would be the way I meet my future wife, but I think it probably just landed my screenshots in some lez group chat, calling me a psycho. But I am psycho: I’m a Jenny, after all.
Dayna Troisi is proud to be a staff writer at GO Magazine. Her essays have been published in Buzzfeed, Vice, SELF, Racked among others. Dayna is passionate about writing essays that focus on lesbian dating, beauty + fashion and her badass bionic arm. Dayna has an MFA in poetry from Hofstra University, where she also taught Creative Writing. Dayna serves as GO’s nightlife editor and loves to turn up at queer NYC bars & clubs. She identifies as a dyke princess/Jenny Schecter fan-girl and lives on Long Island to be closer to her lash and spray tan technicians.
