Tossing someone’s salad, rimming, raspberry beret, analingus, butt munchies, eating ass—all creative and amazing ways to reference the sexual act that is oral sex performed on someone’s butthole. A lot of people don’t want to admit that they’re interested in trying booty play—but that doesn’t mean y’all aren’t out there doing it anyways. And I want to make sure you have all the correct information to lick bums in the most pleasurable of ways!
Like oral sex on a vulva or a penis—you can both give and receive analingus. Which is why it’s so fun (I’m a switch, so I guess my opinion is bias!). While I’ve already written about tips and tricks for other types of anal play, I want to give you all my ~dirty little secrets~ about rim jobs.
Your anus is definitely an erogenous zone, it is ripe with nerve endings making it feel extra pleasurable when stimulated. Because of all these nerve endings, when you or someone else plays with your bum, it shoots up sexy messages to your brain telling it that you feel hella turned on by that touch.
So now that we’ve established that rimming is definitely sexy and definitely has the ability to make you cum—let’s talk shop.
Any kind of anal play should probably have a pre-requisite of a little cleaning beforehand. You don’t want to be munching on someone’s actual leftover salad (sorry, I had to). If the receiver is feeling anxious the entire time, wondering if they’re clean, the play is more stressful than pleasurable. For a truly stress-free and enjoyable time of eating ass, you should start out with some steamy shower time. It might even be fun to start your play in the shower with long soapy massages. You can use a little soap on your anus, but if you have a vulva, make sure the soap doesn’t get in your vulva. You can even stick a little soapy finger up your anus to make sure you’re sparkling clean.
If this is a brand new exploration for you, it’s super important to keep the lines of communication open throughout your anal play. Make sure the giver is asking how the pressure and speed feels. You can talk beforehand about what each person’s expectations are and if there are any hard no’s in anal play.
The butthole is a muscle and it will clench up when you’re nervous. Let go of all your jittery feelings and allow yourself to relax completely when your partner is going down on you. Foreplay and body massages can help with this process. The giver should take their time exploring their partner’s body and anus with their tongue. Try different pressures and speeds—it’s not the same as the clit, so some of your techniques from oral sex might work, others may not. Test out different things to see what feels good! You can use your free hands to play with their clitoris or breasts while your tongue is going to town.
Dr. O’Reilly’s book The New Sex Bible gives some suggestions for technique. One is called the “tongue twister,” where you spread your partner’s butt cheeks with your hands and twirl your tongue around in circular motions. Another move is described as the “slurpee,” where you press your lips in an oval shape around your partner’s asshole and thrust your tongue flat against it. So there you go, two new techniques for your exploration this weekend!
Lubrication is key!
The anus doesn’t self-lubricate the way a vagina does so you need to add a little something down there. You can use your own spit or some water-based (and maybe even flavored) lube. Once your partner’s anus is wet, use your breath to blow hot air on the area. It’s a nice sensation to add to the play.
Like all sex acts, there are some safer sex techniques to keep in mind. While STIs are much less likely to be shared from mouth to anus (or vice versa)—there still are some risks. The anus harbors bacteria that you don’t want in other parts of your body—specifically your vagina or vulva. This could cause yeast infections, UTIs or bacterial vaginosis. Because of this, you don’t want to share goodies. Don’t move your mouth from the anus to the vulva without mouthwash first. Same with fingers and toys inserted into the bum. Wash before swapping.
While STI risks and rimming have never been studied, STIs like syphilis or HPV are shared from skin-to-skin contact and could possibly be shared during this act. You can use a dental dam or communicate with your partner about the last time you both were tested.
Now you have all the proper information you need to get your rim job on. Have more sex questions? Email email@example.com and come back for more every Friday!
Corinne Werder is a writer, sex educator, and girl on the move currently residing in Brooklyn, NY. She looks at the world through the lens of a pleasure activist, femme-of-center queer woman. Her background in sex education comes from her volunteer work with RAINN, her work as a sexual assault/domestic violence advocate and she is currently a student at the Institute for Sexuality and Enlightenment.
The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only and should not replace or substitute for any medical, or other professional advice or help. For concerns requiring psychological or medical advice, please consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist This column, its author, the magazine and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice contained within this column.