I think that every form of sexual expression is beautiful. And being able to witness that in the setting of a play party is an incredible experience I think everyone should try at least once in their lives.
So what exactly is a play party?
A play party is a social occasion where people are free—perhaps even encouraged—to engage in public sex(ual) or kink behaviors. It’s not a giant orgy, which people often think it is, but it totally can be! It’s a place for exhibitionists, voyeurs, and people who want to explore sexual energy in a new way. You can play with a lover you attend the party with, you can play with new people or you can watch others play. It’s completely and entirely up to you.
The first play party I ever went to was a primarily straight party. A friend had invited me and I figured, why not. You only live once! I knew what I was walking into and asked a friend of mine to come with me—let’s say her name is Sara*. I felt nervous but excited. It was an intimate setting, small and cozy with about 15 people total. The party started off with a stunning burlesque performance and optional spirits to get everyone feeling comfy and to break the ice, a bit. As I mingled with the people there, I definitely found myself attracted to several people. But in my head, I couldn’t help but think “Omg how am I ever going to approach them when the party turns to play?”
I felt awkward because there were a lot of straight couples there who were looking to hook up with a “unicorn.” In case you aren’t familiar, a unicorn is a queer woman who wants to have sex with both parties of a straight, cis couple at the same time. I am definitely not a unicorn. While I was attracted to a few of these women, I wanted nothing to do with their partners—my queer sex is not for the male gaze. I was unsure how this could play out.
When the party transferred downstairs, there was so much tension, giggles, and cute blushing. Everyone was feeling ~someone~ but no one really wanted to admit it or make the first move. Luckily, the organizer had planned a party game for us. There were two giant fuzzy dice; one with different PG13 sexual acts on every side and the other with “body party” (i.e. mouth, neck, shoulders). If people wanted to play, they could roll the dice and ask a person if they wanted to do whatever act they rolled the dice on. For example, if you rolled “kiss” and “neck”—you’d then ask someone in the game if they consented to you kissing their neck. They could opt out or enthusiastically accept.
I remember when one of the men picked me, it felt empowering to boldly say no and have that respected. And then one of the women asked me if she could make out with me, and I was excited by that. She picked me! It felt validating and definitely helped me shake off some of the nerves I was feeling.
This game quickly got things going. Some people found an immediate connection through the game and would move to a different area of the room to start playing. The game naturally devolved when one person became the center of attention with spanks and light feather brushing from multiple people.
I slowly found myself making out with the burlesque performer from earlier, who was there alone. And that quickly evolved into me going down on her and then her going down on me (with barriers). While that was happening, another girl came over and asked if she could join in our play. She started spanking the burlesque performer and I suddenly became aware of my surroundings. There were at least 10 people moaning in complete pleasure of the plethora of sexual acts going on around me. I saw my friend Sara* across the room completely in the throes of it. And I giggled to myself in the utter enjoyment of the moment.
I was feeling the pleasure of two women at the same time as 10 other humans around me where in the depths of their own moments of orgasmic fun. It was a thrilling feeling of completely letting go of my inhibitions. I was having so much fun having sex with these two women that I knew I’d likely never see again—but in that moment it felt like we were sharing something that no one else on earth could touch.
This was my first experience having a queer threesome with two women and it was amazing. I definitely didn’t expect that to happen, going into a primarily straight play party. I don’t know what I expected, but that was definitely not it. I was pleasantly surprised. This just goes to show that when you go into a new experience like a play party, you have to leave all expectations at the door.
While you can have a general desire or idea of the type of play you want to interact with, having an expectation of getting laid or a particular scene might leave you feeling let down if that doesn’t happen. Go with the flow and be open to the genuine connections you could make. If you meet someone who you’re interested in, then you can negotiate consent and figure out what you both want to do. Examples might be bondage, spanking, sex, making out, cuddling, watching scenes together or flogging.
When my threesome ended, I was invited to play more but decided I was all played out. I sat back against the wall of this purple lit room filled with smells and sounds of absolute pleasure and felt like I was in complete bliss. I was gently touching and talking with one of the girls I had just played with. We were slowly providing each other aftercare—which is so important, especially when playing with strangers. You can check in to see what you each need after your play to finish the experience together.
Since this first play party, I’ve ventured into the queer play party scene and been even more blissed out by an all queer space. But that’s an article for another day!
When all was said and done, Sara* and I bundled up for the brisk cold winter awaiting us outside, leaving behind our party of bliss. We went next door to the corner Bodega for snacks and exploded into bursts of laughter out of what we had just experienced. It was that good kind of laughter, filled with complete pleasure and happiness.
My first play party was a liberating experience. I let go of all the weight of the world and let myself freely explore a new aspect of my sexuality. I had always wanted to go to a sex party and allowing myself that exploration is something I’ll never regret. It opened up a whole new sexual world for me and allowed me to realize some desires I never knew I had.