First of all, the always gorgeously queer energy in the West Village is simply extra on fire during the month of June. You can feel the history of resistance radiating from the Mecca that is The Stonewall Inn. The swaggy lesbians have even more swag than usual. The youthful complexions of the newly-out queers seem to glow with added radiance — because we all know nothing is better for the skin than feeling at peace with who you are. The spirit of pride month really eases the depression and anxiety of this mentally ill dyke.
Can I get a “Yas, Queer!” A “Gaymen!” A “Lez do this!” A “Transelluljah!” I can and I will, baby!
But most amazingly: You can feel the fluttering hearts of the high school gays totally electrified and empowered by all of us unapologetic lezzies, queers, gays, bi darlings, trans babes and non-binary lovelies, strutting around town, flaunting our rainbow attire.
Which leads me directly to my point, darling: You must, must rock some rainbow accessories/outfits this June. It’s your civic duty as an LGBTQ adult to really rock the rainbow “lewk” this time of year. You must do it for the children who are closeted and upset because their schools, families, friends, and the world at large are riddled with unabashed homophobia. Because when those disenfranchised kids see you, fearlessly walking around the Duane Reade in your sexy rainbow halter-top and mega-platforms… they will feel… seen.
I was one of those kids once, and you probably were too. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Rainbow fashion saves lives.
However. Herein lies the problem: I know I’m not the only self-identified fashion bitch with gothic tendencies who still wants to look chic whilst wearing rainbow colored clothing. And we all know that black, gray, slate, stone, charcoal, and other dismal, soulless colors make up the palate of a fashion bitch. Bright, candy-toned colors are simply too happy. Us fashion bitches like our wardrobe color schemes to match our miserable moods. After all, the fashion life is tough on the soul. The constant longing for things you’ll never be able to afford really takes its toll. (Throw in the hard-partying, chamPAIN lifestyle and you’ve got a sure-fire recipe for depression!)
Anyway, I’ve decided to come up with a style guide to help you, my fellow queer AF fashion bitch, adorn yourself in a bit of rainbow this Pride season, without compromising your chic, miserable edge!
Tip 1: Pastel Rainbows are muted rainbows, which gets the point across while still being slightly forlorn and rebellious.
Pastels are sort of goth-y, in their muted softness. It’s like a bright color had its luster dulled down because the bright color had depression and refused to go on meds.
Shop the depressed girl sweater here.
Shop the unicorn two piece set here.
Shop the crazy heart costume here.
Shop the rainbow bag here.
Tip 2: Rainbow heels give all the feels.
Whether you decide to spend $740 on gold Gucci rainbow wedge platforms or prefer the knock-off ones from Hot Topic is totally up to you, babe. I’m just living my life and letting you live yours (while distracting you from your work day by showing you pretty things!).
On another note, while I’m not usually a “Louboutin” girl, I will totally blow off my fiancee and marry you if you choose to buy these glorious pretty rainbow Loub pumps for me. (The knockoffs will not do, in this case.)
Shop the biggie platforms with the stars here.
Shop the Sophia Webster Rosalind crystal heels here.
Shop the Loubs I’m willing to compromise my marriage for here (size 38, which is an American 8, please and thank you).
Tip 3: Expensive designer rainbow jewelry will definitely inspire over-the-top baby gays who worship the Kim K’s of the world.
I mean who doesn’t want/need a giant, rainbow Gucci cuff? Rock these and you’ll be the Paris Hilton of lesbians.
Shop this whole look here! Or don’t shop it. Don’t shop any of it, after all, I’m currently off my meds so my taste might be a little questionable at the moment, truthfully (or maybe it’s genius?). Bottom line: Shop wherever the fuck you want to shop, just make sure it’s rainbow-heavy. With all the shit going on in the world we need be EXTRA extra about our gayness.
And remember: Everytime you wear rainbow during the month of Pride, a lesbian angel gets her wings. Happy Pride, babies!