Before I met my fiancée, I was the kind of person who swore I couldn’t (or just wouldn’t) date someone who lived more than a 10-minute subway ride away. Live on the east end of the city? Sorry—too far! Live off the subway line? You’re not for me. Live in a suburb? Forget it. Next!
So naturally, the universe brought into my life the smartest, sweetest, funniest, and sexiest woman I’d ever met, and I fell in love hard and fast. And… she lives 1,400 miles away. Joke’s on me! Right, universe?
Because of careers, co-parenting, and all of that responsibility that happens in your 30s, we’ve been at this long-distance thing for two-and-a-half years now. Yes, it sucks, and yes, she’s worth it. We’ve had to rely on third parties to deliver things and get orders right in order to surprise our sweetie, which hasn’t always been easy. But as a result, we’ve both gotten pretty good at this whole “great gifts for your long-distance lesbian lover” thing. So we created a holiday gift guide for other lesbians who happen to find themselves in a long-distance relationship this holiday season.
The Night Sky Poster
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The Night Sky poster is the ultimate gift, if you ask my fiancée. I got her one last Christmas, and she proudly hung it up in her living room and still talks about how much she loves it. Basically, you can create a star map of a night that is special to the two of you: the night you met, the night you said “I love you” for the first time, the night you got engaged—whatever is special to you two that you want to remember forever. The Night Sky will take any date and location you enter and will calculate the positions of the stars from that date and location in the past or the future! You can even personalize your map of the stars with a customized message. It’s beautiful, sweet, and thoughtful.
Mixtape/Lover Music Playlist
Do you two have special songs that make you think of your relationship? Or do you want to get creative and create a special playlist just for your lover? A good old-fashioned mixtape shows you put effort into choosing songs just for her. Bonus points if you send her the songs on a USB drive, but in this day and age, even a private and personal Spotify playlist will have your honey swooning.
Full-Size Body Pillow
For the big spoon who misses her little spoon, a full-size body pillow is a perfect gift to give your honey something to snuggle when you can’t be there. Sure, a pillow is no replacement for your warmth and your amazing cuddles but it’s better than nothing!
If you can’t be there with your love on the holiday to do all of the things you’d love to do for and with her, you can make her a coupon book full of the things you would love to do in the future when you’re together! Some ideas for coupons:
- 30-minute massage
- home-cooked dinner and dessert
- “I’ll do your dishes for two weeks straight!” (Come on, if this doesn’t say I love you, nothing does…)
- Movie Night, either in/out
You get the gist. And if you’re not crafty or are pressed for time, there’s a website that will make the coupons for you! LoveCoups website lets you create a custom and personalized coupon book, and you can even customize the characters in the book to look like yourself and your partner and even change facial expressions and body postures for each coupon.
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There are lots of vibrators out there that can be controlled by a smartphone app and can be turned on from any distance. So you or your partner can do the honors of making each other have an orgasm from across the miles. If you are looking for a good place to start, I recommend the We-Vibe, We-Sync, which has a We-Connect™ app you can both download so you can enjoy some pleasure together even when you’re apart.
When you’re missing your partner hard, sometimes the best way to feel closest to them (short of a Skype date or Facetime swoon session) is to look through photos of the memories and special times you’ve shared. Making your partner a photo book filled with your shared memories not only shows that you went to the time and effort to make something for her but also gives her a chance to walk down memory lane any time she misses you. Most online vendors that make photo books for you allow you to customize each page with as many photos as you like as well as captions, so you can include sweet messages on each page for your love.
Open When… Letters/Cards
The first Valentine’s Day my fiancée and I had “together” was spent apart. And it sucked. So I wrote her 20 cards and put them in envelopes for her to open later when she was feeling a particular kind of way. For example, each card had a theme, such as “open when….”
- you’re feeling sad and need a hug
- you miss me extra
- you’re feeling horny
- you’ve had a great day
- you’ve had a horrible day
If your person has strong willpower, she won’t open the cards until she actually feels that way. My fiancée? She read them all in one sitting. But she still loved the gift and has kept the cards even two years later.
Matching Mugs/Long Distance Mugs
Matching mugs with your corresponding states (or countries) can have you two sharing coffee together even when you’re apart. Or at least thinking of each other while you’re having your morning coffee, even if you’re in different time zones. Etsy is full of these customized long-distance coffee and tea mugs. They’re cute and customizable, so you can personalize them with your names and locations. If you’re crafty, you can buy ceramic mugs and make them yourself.
Being in a long-distance relationship is hard at any time, but the pain of missing your significant other can be felt most acutely when everyone else is cuddling their person with their matching holiday sweaters and kissing under the mistletoe while you feign interest in your cup of eggnog. It sucks, and it hurts. But remember: It’s not permanent. You two will close the gap eventually. And there are ways to celebrate your wonderful relationship and ways to give thoughtful and meaningful gifts to your lover, even if you don’t get to watch her unwrap it under the Christmas tree.