‘Tis The Season: 7 Naughty Outfits for 7 Types of Lesbians

Go forth and shop. Go forth and slay.

Greetings babes. As I’m sure you know, Mercury is in retrograde, causing havoc on our lezzie lives. Have you spilled coffee on your laptop? Had a fight with your best friend? Left your purse on the subway? You may not be able to control the cosmic jokes the universe is playing on you right now, but at the very least, you can say f*ck it and buy some new stuff. Some ~sexy~ stuff. So this weekend when you lose your debit card in the cab or something, you can look down your shirt and be comforted by the simple fact that you look extremely hot. The following looks are for the bedroom but if you are a extra bold babe (like yours truly), feel free to style them for a night out this weekend.

1. For the unapologetically sexy femme

This daring cut-out get-up from Thistle and Spire is perfect for you, sexy femme darling. And if you’re extra-confident, why not wear this get up out for a night on the town, perhaps with a slouchy sweater or sheer top? Or if you are a full-blown slut queen like me, with a long blazer and nothing else. 

Kane V Wire Bra, $62

Kane Thong, $32

2. For the swaggy butch

These comfy, masculine boxers by RodeoH are for you, my swag butch. Do you make all the girls swoon? Do you have an effortless confidence? Do you pull off a button down like nobody else? Then this look is for you. What’s better than this sexy, butch style? The fact that RodeoH’s boxers and briefs have a built-in hole for a dildo. I know from experience that these are by far the most comfortable briefs and are way more user-friendly than your usual harness. Plus they look hot AF.

A post shared by RodeoH Official (@rodeohs) on

Gray Marle Button Fly Boxer, $49.99

3. For the universally adored chapstick lesbian

A little butch, a little femme, a lot of f*cking hot. These suspenders from Altur.co will have you feeling like a dapper daddy.

Altur Harness Suspenders, $31.99

4. For the kinky leather-loving babe 

Leather Coven is a queer owned made-to-order leather shop. If you like the tough, hard look of leather balanced with femme, delicate silhouettes, this bra is your new best friend. This is also I look I would totally wear to the club.

Inanna Bra Harness, $98

5. For the heart-throb tomboy

Make the girls swoon in these TomboyX boxers. TomboyX makes “underwear that any body could feel comfortable in, regardless of where they fell on the size or gender spectrum.” Both sexy and comfortable? Sign me up.

A post shared by TomboyX (@tomboyx) on

3 pack Boy Shorts, $39

6. For the effortlessly cool lesbian

Calvin Klein is the epitome of cool-girl chic. Are you a looks-gorgeous-fresh-out-the-shower lesbian? Do you only use tinted moisturized, lip balm, and a touch of brow pencil? Then you will look hot AF in Calvins.

A post shared by CALVIN KLEIN (@calvinklein) on

Modern Cotton Bralette, $28
Modern Cotton Short, $22

7. For the nerd-chic babe

Alt Panties makes… alt panties. Nerdy, sexy, weird designs for the nerdy, sexy, weird babes!

💕Sharing is caring💕 Thank you so much everyone, we are really very appreciated for your supports💗So many people already joined our model search 💕and i promise will do our best to support as many people as we can💕Pic from @lishablackhurst 😍Link in bio for nintendo crops amd pussy cat panties (this winking cat is my photo edit 😇 ) • • •We Ship Worldwide •Buy 3 pcs Get free Shipping •DHL Rush shipping on all orders •Seamless Lingerie •https://www.altpanties.com • • • #altpanties #gamergirl #sexy #tats #inkedup #girlgamer #inkedgirls #tattooedgirls #altgirl #altgirls #alternativegirls #alternativegirl #babes #altmodel #piercings #girlswithtattoos #hot #girlswithink #tattoo #tatoo #girlswithink #ink #inked #gaming #gamergirls #geekygirls #nerdygirls #retrogamer #gamer #nintendo

A post shared by Alt Panties 🔞 (@altpanties) on


Game Over Crop Top, $12

Insert Coins Here Thong, $12

So there you have it, my sexy friends. Survive the retrograde by treating yourself (and/or your bae) to a new sex uniform. Go forth and shop. Go forth and slay.