The Gay Girl’s Guide to Napa

When most sapphics think about Northern California, there are typically visions of San Francisco Pride, long weekends floating down a river in Gurnville, or the feeling of hypnotic beats at a packed queer club in Oakland. 

Napa and Sonoma County don’t typically come to mind, but it’s high time these destinations get the sapphic spotlight they deserve. While it is not uncommon for gay men to frequent wine country, the queers, trans, and wlw communities are beginning to cultivate quite a presence there as well. Over the last few years, more and more queers are starting to flock further up north making Napa their home base. I have two femme friends who just recently put their roots in Napa proper, due to its serene energy and no shortage of things to do. 

My wife and I frequent both Sonoma and Napa to escape the hustle and bustle of living in the immediate Bay Area. We celebrated our engagement there in March 2023, after my now-wife proposed at Rutherford Hill Winery. We were members of the winery at the time but, unfortunately, found them to be unaccommodating and not so queer-friendly. Ultimately, the experience inspired me to put together a guide of safe (and fun) spaces to experience Napa.   

While these tourist spots are highly trafficked during peak season (March through May), the off-season (November to April) is a bit more sleepy, making it an excellent time to visit if you want a more intimate time in Wineland. What we appreciate most about wine country is the fact that it truly can be a big spender affair or budget-conscious. As two women of color (my wife is Mexican and I am Black), we often have to be much more discerning than the average traveler. Our mission is to always carve out trips that feel safe, relaxing, and respectful and share that information with fellow sapphic travelers. If you’re ready to plan your trip to Napa, I’ll let you in on a few local secrets that need to be on your itinerary.

JCB

You’ll find the best sparkling wines and champagnes (yes champagnes) at JCB. Expect to be equally as impressed with their tasting salon, which can best be described as decadent maximalism. While technically not in Napa or Sonoma proper; their Yountville location is strewn in leopard print, deep reds, and captivating artwork. You’ll likely find yourself marveling over Swarovski crystal-stoned bottles of their signature red, The Surrealist. A true work of art.

Want to celebrate your gay pride? Each year JCB releases a limited number of The Surrealist in honor of Pride Month with a rainbow crystal motif! They usually sell out quickly, so do be sure to reach out if it’s something that speaks to you. 

Aside from the impressive wines, what really drew us to becoming lifelong fangirls of JCB was the authentic kindness we experienced at the tasting room after getting newly engaged. We were gifted a bottle of wine, but beyond that, the genuine excitement from the staff was something that will forever be part of our love story.

Wine Thief

On a more intimate scale, Wine Thief is a tasting room that can best be described as spacious but friendly. Owner Andy Renda is incredibly insightful, humorous, and kind to all. Andy always has some sort of story to share with us about his personal life, current world events, or lore behind one of the fabulous wines he’s pouring us. 

 Wine Thief is vinter-owned and operated with small labels you will not find anywhere else. Schedule a tour and expect a world-class tasting, whether you have a seasoned palette or you’re a wino-newbie. It’s a great place for a blissful buzz before grabbing dinner at the Oxbow Public Market.

Napa Proposals

Thinking about proposing? Napa Proposals is a queer-friendly proposal coordinator! Cristina made our engagement extra special and captured the most stunning photos of our big day. It can be challenging to know what wineries and hotels are queer-friendly, so having an ally to help facilitate can make the process so much easier. She also offers beautiful proposal picnics, which we ended up enjoying for our own engagement a few months later, due to the gloomy rain during our actual proposal. Cristina has become one of our absolute favorite people in Napa Valley and will surely become one of yours as well.

Oxbow Public Market

Oxbow Public Market is the ideal place for those in the mood to nosh, shop, or stock up on goodies of all kinds. This 40,000-square-foot community market boasts a diverse mix of vendors, cafés, and organic produce sourced from local farms. After all that wine tasting, you’ll definitely need to grab a bite. 

We are big fans of Hog Island if you’re in the mood for oysters or other locally caught seafood. For heavier bites you can always indulge in a sit-down restaurant like Gott’s Roadside, which has a Californian American-based fare; I’m partial to the ahi poke crispy tacos and their Impossible Cheeseburger. For something lighter, the wife and I will usually split an acai bowl at the amazing smoothie place. 

Oxbow offers more than delicious bites. We love to stop by on our second day in Napa to grab room snacks, charcuterie goodies, and sometimes, a sweet treat for the road. If you plan on doing any picnicking during your stay, this is the place to grab supplies for just that! 
If you’re in need of a souvenir, the little bookshop often has a selection of queer-affirming merch. Pick up a coffee from Ritual Coffee Roasters—and continue your jam-packed day.

Hot Air Balloon Ride

If you have a zest for something on the adventurous side, I would highly recommend booking a hot air balloon ride with Napa Valley Hot Air Balloon Rides. On a crisp early morning, you’ll be flying high with a spectacle of rolling green hills and vineyards cascading over the entire Napa Valley. If you’re not afraid to look down, you can spot some adorable critters you won’t find in the city, like bunnies and the occasional coyote. 

Our guide was incredibly knowledgeable and gave us a fleet of information about the history of hot air balloons. Notably, hot air balloons are how the champagne toast came to be; as a way for those departing to celebrate a successful ride. I did this one year for my birthday with a former partner (in true queer fashion we are still on wonderful terms), and it was a highlight of the trip. Surprisingly, the ride was peaceful rather than choppy and loud, as you might expect. 

Post ride we were taken back to the runway, given glasses of champagne, and took part in a cork-catching contest. Think bouquet toss but way harder. Despite being fearful of heights, I would do this again, but I do not think anything will ever compare to the first time.

Blue Water Day Spa

Blocks away from the Napa River, you’ll find the quaint Blue Water Day Spa. This lovely women-owned and LGBT-friendly retreat is the perfect blissful getaway for yourself or a romantic date for you and your partner. Before the staff works out all your knots, they ensure you’re comfortable by discussing pressure, consent, problem areas, and session goals. 

Be prepared to melt into tranquility with the 80-minute signature massage. Add on aromatherapy and a foot massage and slip into a post-bliss nap. Or try the Hangover Helper package if you got a little too wild at the vineyard last night.

The Westin Verasa

Walking distance to just about everything you might need, the Westin Hotel and Resort feels equal parts rustic and welcoming. Located just along the riverbank near downtown Napa, this is the place to stay for the most convenience. 

The staff is exceptionally warm and diverse. Their fabulous greeting to our two terriers earned them major brownie points. Be sure to tell them if you are there for any milestone reasons; you may get a celebratory card signed by the staff! 

During our stay, we were upgraded to a suite complete with a living room, dining room, and kitchenette. The gigantic bathroom with a huge soaking tub is perfect after a long day on your feet. The space was equal parts cozy, bright, and homey. 

This hotel is also right down the street from Oxbow Public Market and several tasting rooms, which makes late-night snacking a breeze.

R Inn Napa

Wanting a stay that is fit for the ultimate introvert? The R Inn is nestled just minutes from Downtown Napa by car or foot. 

It has the solitude of an Airbnb (no desk staff) with the amenities of a hotel. Each room comes with a welcome bottle of wine and mini fridge plus daily housekeeping. After a long day of wine tasting, expect the sweetest of slumbers thanks to their adjustable beds. We stayed in Room 7, but will likely come back to enjoy one of their spacious lofts. 

This private safe haven is an ideal option for a romantic getaway or even a girls’ trip.

The Slanted Door

For those seeking an elevated culinary experience without the pretentious energies, a dinner reservation at the Slanted Door is a must. From the ambient lighting to the centerpieces throughout the restaurant, you would expect this to be a costly fine dining experience; however, the cost was surprisingly low, all things considered. This Vietnamese fusion gem will tantalize your tastebuds and make you feel like royalty. I get weak in the knees over their crispy vegetarian rolls and lemongrass tofu with a side of broken rice. While there are quite a few different appetizers and entrees to explore, I do wish they had more vegetarian options. I only counted about three in total and would love to see just one or two additions.  

The Slanted Door boasts a beautiful selection of bottles and wine by the glass. If you’ve had your fix on vino, explore the craft cocktail menu instead. Their Sommelier helped us pick out the perfect chilled sparkling wine to go with our Southeast Asian fare.

Pink Sonoma Rosé Wine Fest

Finishing off strong with Pink Sonoma Saturday! This annual wine fest is put on by Out in the Vineyard, a wine country event and travel company for the LGBTQ+ community. This year, the event is set to take place on May 4.

The festival is an opportunity to try over a dozen different rosé wines while soaking in the golden rays of the California sun. My wife and I have gone two years in a row. While our first year was predominantly a boys club, the second year had a beautiful balance of women and non-binary folks. Proceeds from the tickets benefit Positive Images, an LGBTQ+ community center in Sonoma County. 

Come dressed to the nines in all pink (yes, the rosy dress code is enforced!) and enjoy a day of delicious wine for a good cause. We love having any excuse to dress up, but dressing in all pink makes it all the more festive (it’s my favorite color). 

We found one of our favorite rosé blends at the event from Obsidian Winery, and the bites are always quite tasty. There’s usually a DJ, aerial artists, drag queens, and a silent auction. Each year seems to get bigger and bigger; which has been marvelous to witness. 

JJ tip: This is a superb way to find out what wineries are queer-friendly! 

With over 400 wineries in Napa proper alone, it would take you well over a year to explore what the tasting rooms have to offer. I have found that Napa is most enjoyable at a slow pace with good food, good gay company, and obviously, lots of delicious wine. Whether you are there for a day or a week, know there will always be plenty more to see when you inevitably return. Plan the getaway!