‘I Love It Here’ — Dayna Kathan On The Joy Of Finally Coming Out As A Lesbian

Dayna Kathan kicked off Pride Month in the gayest and most joyful way she knew how: by coming out as a proud lesbian. The reality star, comedian, and Disrespectfully podcast host shared the news in an Instagram post, writing, “Shout out to my fellow late-in-life lesbians!! HAPPY PRIDE!!!” The post quickly went viral, but for Kathan, the greatest surprise has been just how joyful life has been since embracing her identity.

“This is who I am, and I want to be a part of the community. And I want, especially in the current political climate, to be an advocate for my fellow community members and stand strong with that,” Kathan tells GO.

But this isn’t the first time she’s spoken publicly about being part of the LGBTQ+ community. After joining the cast of Vanderpump Rules in Season 8, Kathan came out as bisexual and bonded with fellow queer cast member Ariana Madix. Like so many queer people, she now sees that chapter as one step on the journey toward embracing her fullest and truest identity.

“I was just like, well, you’re gay, you’re super gay, so it’s okay to be a lesbian. It’s okay to let people know you’re a lesbian,” she says. After months of considering why saying those words publicly still felt so scary, Kathan realized there was no better time than Pride Month to speak up. “I had been reflecting the past few months [on] why did it feel so scary to say that public-facing. And then I just was like, but this is who I am, and I want to be a part of the community.”

Like many, Kathan’s journey wasn’t linear, but one thing has always been clear: she is queer. “My whole life, as I think any queer person can speak to, I felt different, or I knew something about me wasn’t exactly like the people that were reflected around me,” she recalls. “Initially, bisexuality was what I felt most comfortable with. Honestly, at the time, I did believe that when I said it. I had dated men before. I had loved men. I just thought, okay, maybe this is just a small part of who you are.”

But then Kathan fell in love with a woman, and everything became clear; her understanding of herself shifted. “Once I fell in love with a woman, I was like, ‘Oh, this is what it’s supposed to feel like. This is what it’s always been and what I’ve been shying away from,'” she recalls.

For the first time, romance felt fully realized, and this completely recontextualized her previous relationships with men. “There was something grating at me, and in my romantic relationships with men, there was always something that felt very flat and two-dimensional. I was like, maybe this is how everyone feels,” recounts Kathan.

Looking back, she realized these feelings had always been there. “I’ve never experienced anything like this in my life with a man and was more so going through the motions of what I thought I should be doing and what I was taught the gold standard is,” she reveals.

Once it clicked, Kathan says she was flooded with lesbian joy. “The second that was out there, I was like, ‘Oh, I love it here. Gay, proud, all the things.’ It was another layer of feeling so confident in who I am.”

Her only regret? That it took so long. “It was just like ripping off a Band-Aid that I was like, damn. Wish I had figured this out sooner. Wish I had been living my truth way earlier than I did.”

The announcement was met with overwhelming support. While Kathan had already been open about her identity with her closest friends and family, the response from listeners of her podcast Disrespectfully, which she co-hosts with former Vanderpump Rules star Katie Maloney—affectionately known as “The Coven”—was equally affirming.

“Most people don’t care, or at least the people in your life want to celebrate that about you and want you to be who you are,” says Kathan. “It’s been an almost completely uniform, warm reception. Lovely. But I think the difference is I’m so sure of who I am that it feels like I can enjoy the whole experience.”

That response felt especially meaningful given the community Kathan and Maloney have built through Disrespectfully. On the podcast, the pair have made a point of speaking candidly about everything from love and careers to friendship, feminism, divorce, heartbreak, and, of course, their romantic lives.

“We went into it with that community mindset of inspiring other people to live unapologetically, be authentic, challenge societal norms,” Kathan says.

In the process, Kathan found that support flowed both ways. While encouraging listeners to live authentically was always the goal, she discovered the community gave her the confidence to do the same. “Part of the reason I got to where I am right now, as far as understanding that I am a lesbian, was decentering men,” she explains. “It opened my eyes when I was like, ‘Do you want this, or do you think you should?'”

Ultimately, Kathan found her answer: she’s a lesbian, and she has no intention of looking back—or quieting down.

“Talking about being gay is my favorite thing to do now,” she jokes.