Lesbian Problems: I Have A Crush On My Ex Girlfriend’s Girlfriend

It’s the lesbian circle of life.

Photo by istock

I have a lot of problems: I can’t stop taking Ubers, my brand new 26″ hair extensions are already tangled and matted from rough sex, and I’m dizzy 24/7 from refusing to meal prep and surviving on Luna Bars. But perhaps my *biggest* problem, the one that has me the most shook, is that I have a crush on my ex-girlfriend’s girlfriend.

I know, I know, it’s like the biggest violation of girl code, like ever. But it’s a v common lesbian problem!

Charlie* met Gigi* on Tinder, as we sat side by side swiping together, one of our many queer best friend rituals. Charlie was too nervous to send the first message, so after I slugged my vodka soda back, I grabbed her phone and messaged Gigi. “You seem cool. Wanna get drinks?”

The next day, Charlie called me at 4 am after their first date. She was high on conversation and expensive wine. She had it bad right from the start.

When I met Charlie, I understood why. I was at Stonewall with GO executive editor Zara Barrie and her fiancee Meghan. We were approximately 6 drinks deep, and screaming YASSSS at everyone and everything. Then I spotted her.

She is one of those magnetically sexy lesbians that no one is immune to. Like, you don’t even have to be queer to want to f*ck this girl (this has been verified by my straight roommate).

Gigi was wearing a leather bodysuit and thigh high boots. She has a disheveled platinum blond pixie cut and an impossibly symmetrical face. She has masculine energy but is femininely beautiful. She gets anyone around her a drink.

“This is Gigi!!!!!!!” Charlie slurred, hanging on to both of us.

“Let’s do shots!” Gigi said, laughing. I was so intoxicated by how hot they were together I totally forgot I was clutching a stack of free drink tickets. I slugged back the tequila, feeling it warm my esophagus and had one of those drunk “I love my friend so f*cking much” moments. Charlie seemed so genuinely happy, and so comfortable. Though I undeniably found her girlfriend hot AF, I found my friend’s happy energy more important. But then, Gigi’s sternum tattoo would peek out between her cleavage, or she’d effortlessly shake her hips, or she’d touch my shoulder, or look at me with her smoldering blue eyes and I’d get the pussy flutters.

We went out again the other night (Cubbyhole, holla) and watching Gigi and Charlie kiss made me think, ugh, I want that. Even though I do have it? I was with a girl I’m dating and we were just as all over each other as Charlie and Gigi, if not more. I was wearing corset leggings, which makes it amazingly convenient to get ~naughty~ on the dance floor, if you know what I mean. But even Ryan*, the girl I’m seeing was like, “wow your ex and her girlfriend are really hot.” They are just one of those hot ass swag lesbian couples that everyone can’t help but be shook by.

Is it socially acceptable for me to feel attracted to my ex-girlfriend’s girlfriend? No. Is it against friend code? Yes. Is it totally normal, though? Yes. Humans are messy, and sometimes our feelings are messy. What I feel for her is the same fleeting attraction I feel towards every hot lesbian I encounter — the attraction that reminds me that I’m human, the attraction that reminds me I am the gayest person ever. The attraction that reminds me just because someone is off limits, or because you’re dating someone, doesn’t mean that basic human reactions to hot people go away.

What I do is look at the situation honestly. Admit it: I think my ex-girlfriend’s girlfriend is hot, big f*cking deal — so does everyone. So I can’t make out with her (one, I would never do that and two, she is sickly in love with my friend). And now I can look at it like this: I am so lucky to have a queer best friend (albeit my ex-girlfriend, #lesbianproblems) and an added swaggy hot lez to our queer girl squad. I am happy for her because she’s beautiful inside and out, and deserves a hot ass girlfriend. It’s amazing how evolved you can become if you just allow yourself to admit how petty and immature you sometimes initially feel.

Being friends with other queer women, in one of the queerest cities on earth, this lez-overlap is bound to happen.  Groups of hot lesbians are going to hang out, attractions are going to be felt. One has to be prepared to maintain their priorities when this happens. Most times, a friendship is way more important than a fleeting attraction. My ex-girlfriend’s girlfriend is hot, her next girlfriend will be, my next girlfriend will be, my ex-girlfriend’s next girlfriend will be. It’s the lesbian circle of life.