Dear Anna: “Am I A Booty Call?”

You’re not just a booty call. You’re bootyfull.

Anna PulleyPhoto by John Orvis

Dear Anna,
I was in an accident recently, and the girl who ran into me ended up asking me out the same night. It took us three days and two dates to have sex, and for the past month we’ve been together all the time. But this is the problem. I have to have sex on her time when she wants me to come over, which is usually late at night and we don’t leave her apartment. I am getting the idea that I have become a booty call. I crossed the line already, so how do I start over? She is a great girl to hang out with, and I see a future together.

—Accident Prone

Dear AP,

The last time I was in an accident, all I got was an exorbitant hospital bill, a totaled bike and a perpetual fear of left turns. Yours is the better story. And also has a fairly simple solution. If it makes you feel weird or bad or used, then don’t have sex with her solely on her terms. Rest assured, though: You didn’t cross any lines, unless of course, you were only sleeping with her to avoid being at fault in the accident, in which case I would like to point out that she is probably not, in fact, a claims officer.

Short of inventing a time machine or hoping for some kind of Groundhog Day situation, there is little one can do to start over in a relationship. Oh, wait! There is—date someone else. If she really is a “great girl to hang out with,” then she’ll respect your time and your wishes. Assert yourself the next time she’s humming for another late-night roll in the hay. If she blows you off or makes lame excuses or won’t share a Bloomin’ Onion with you on a proper date, then can her. By making yourself available all the time for her, and without expecting her to reciprocate that time and effort, you’re sending a message that it’s okay for her to treat you that way. And clearly it’s not, or you wouldn’t be writing to me.

Also, don’t make the mistake of bartering sex in the hope that a relationship will follow because that never works, unless the bartering involves collector’s edition Pound Puppies. Those things are priceless! Plus, they appreciate in value over time, unlike cunnilingus. The moral of the story is that you deserve more than a wham-two dates-thank-you ma’am. You’re not just a booty call. You’re bootyfull.

Treat yourself right and others will follow suit. Good luck, AP.

Anna Pulley is the author of “The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (with Cats!)” Email questions to anna.pulley@gmail.com. Let Anna send you overly personal emails at tinyletter.com/annapulley.

This column is not a consultation with a licensed therapist and should in no way be construed as such or as a substitute for such consultation. Anyone with health issues or concerns should seek the advice of a licensed therapist.