An Official Fall Sports Rundown As Told By A ‘Sportsbian’

‘Tis season of crisp weather, mulled wine and pro-women’s team playoffs.

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Editor’s Note:

Hey Queer Lady Sport’s Babes, I have a treat for you. It’s recently come to my attention that many of my fellow Sapphic Sisters are really into sports. After many failed attempts at trying to produce sporty content for you gorgeous creatures, I’ve decided to hand it over to a true a Sportsbian. I’ll just continue to stick to what I do best: writing pieces about lesbian sex, makeup and mental illness. So today, I proudly present you with a FALL SPORTS rundown by the lovely sportsbian, Shaye McCauley! 


Photo by shutterstock

We’ve finally made it, fellow sportsbians! It’s the best time of the year. Fall! The season of crisp weather, mulled wine, and pro-women’s team play-offs. That being said, let me present you with the official GO Magazine Fall Sports Guide!

While there are a tons of sports women play across the country, this article today is going to focus on the WNBA (basketball) and NWSL (soccer), for two reasons, one being accessibility: only the WNBA and the NWSL have television contracts to broadcast their regular-season games (blame the patriarchy. They’re responsible for all the sins in the world.). The second being, that basketball and soccer are the only two team sports being played at the moment.

So here you go, queers. When, where, and how to watch ~hot women~ play sports.

WNBA: It’s Playoff Time, Baby!

Semi-Final and Final games are aired on ESPN2, unless otherwise noted. Individual and season tickets available here.

Matchup 1: Lynx vs. Mystics
2017 Season Series: Lynx (3-0-0)

The Minnesota Lynx and the Washington Mystics could each be three games away from the final. The odds heavily favor the Lynx, who are looking at their sixth appearance in seven years. The Mystics, meanwhile, are finally back in the semis after 15 years and have a shot at their first championship ever.

The Lynx essentially cruised into the semis, earning the top seed by finishing first in the regular season (they’re like that girl you knew in college who was “never stressed during finals” because she “stayed on top of notes and studying all semester.” Apparently, that’s a skill you can use in real life).

In the meantime, the Mystics clawed their way to the top four by winning two single-elimination rounds last week, first against the Dallas Wings, then against the New York Liberty (honestly, a great game. I had courtside seats and it’s power lesbian central down there. Highly recommended).

If you’re a betting lez, keep in mind: the last time the Mystics won multiple playoff games was 2002, which is also the last time they had the chance to make the WNBA finals. If you’re looking for an underdog, this is your team. Oh, our little star means “if necessary.”

Game 1: Tuesday, Sept. 12 — Washington @ Minnesota, 8pm ET
Game 2: Thursday, Sept. 14 — Washington @ Minnesota, 8pm ET
Game 3: Sunday, Sept. 17 — Minnesota @ Washington, 3pm ET (ESPN)
Game 4*: Tuesday, Sept. 19 — Minnesota @ Washington, TBD
Game 5*: Thursday, Sept. 21 — Washington @ Minnesota, TBD


Matchup 2: Sparks vs. Mercury
2017 Season Series: Sparks (3-0-0)

The Mercury vs. Sparks matchup is highly anticipated by experts (read: me) because of the sheer history of athleticism touted by both teams. No WNBA team has held back-to-back titles since Lisa Leslie (remember her?) led the Sparks to victory in 2001 and 2002. But this year, the Sparks are defending their first championship title since the Leslie era, and they could be just the team to break the single-title curse. They secured the No. 2 seed, which means they also enjoyed a bye week while the other teams duked it out.

The Phoenix Mercury rose from the ashes scuffle and earned spot No. 3, winning single elimination games against Seattle and Connecticut. The Mercury are no stranger to the semis, having made appearances in nine of the past 11 seasons. In fact, they won their third title in 2014 and have yet to lose when they make it all the way to the finals.

This is going to be a close series to watch, and I’d bet most of my marbles that they’ll need all five games to determine who advances.

Game 1: Tuesday, Sept, 12 — Phoenix @ Los Angeles, 10pm ET
 Game 2: Thursday, Sept. 14 — Phoenix @ Los Angeles, 10pm ET
Game 3: Sunday, Sept. 17 — Los Angeles @ Phoenix, 5pm ET
Game 4*: Tuesday, Sept. 19 — Los Angeles @ Phoenix, TBD
Game 5*: Thursday, Sept. 21 — Phoenix @ Los Angeles, TBD

The winners of each playoff bracket meet Sunday, September 24 at 3:30pm ET for the first game in the championship series, aired on ABC.


NWSL: Finishing Up the Regular Season, Clinching Playoff Spots

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Games are aired via the Go90 platform at go90.com or the go90 app, as well as NWSLsoccer.com. One game each weekend is the featured Game of the Week on LIFETIME. Individual and season tickets available here.

The NWSL is winding down their regular season in these next two weeks before jumping into the playoffs. Both the NC Courage and Portland Thorns have secured playoff spots, so now we have four teams (Chicago, Orlando, Seattle, and Sky Blue) clamoring for the last two.

Logistic Run-Down: Teams and Stats
1. North Carolina Courage (15-6-0)
2. Portland Thorns FC (13-5-4)
3. Chicago Red Stars (10-6-6)
4. Orlando Pride (10-6-6)
5. Seattle Reign FC (9-11-2)
6. Sky Blue FC (8-7-7)
7. FC Kansas City (7-9-6)
8. Houston Dash (7-12-2)
9. Washington Spirit (5-13-4)
10. Boston Breakers (3-12-7)

SATURDAY, SEPT. 23Thorns at Pride, 3:30pm ET (LIFETIME)
Breakers @ Spirit, 7:00pm ET
Red Stars @ Dash, 8:30pm ETSUNDAY, SEPT 24
NC Courage @ Sky Blue, 6:00pm ET
FCKC @ Reign, 9:00pm ET

FRIDAY, SEPT 29
Dash @ FCKC, 8:00pm ET

SATURDAY, SEPT 30
Red Stars @ Thorns, 3:30pm ET (LIFETIME)
Sky Blue @ Breakers, 7:00pm ET
Reign @ Spirit, 7:00pm ET
Pride @ NC Courage, 7:30pm ET

Personally, I’m excited to see Tobin Heath return from a season-long back injury. She hasn’t stepped foot on a pitch since the She Believes Cup in March, and as the reigning U.S. Soccer Female Player of the Year, the Thorns are going to benefit from her presence on the field now more than ever. I’m hopeful she’ll get to play at Providence Park in the season closer against the Red Stars September 30 (mostly because I have tickets and my flight’s already booked) before helping the team gear up for the play-offs.

For my NYC babes, if you’ve ever wanted to see a live game, consider traveling 40 miles out to Piscataway Township, NJ where Sky Blue hosts the top seed, NC Courage, at Yurcak Field (Rutgers) on Sept. 24. Keep an eye out for Australian breakout Sam Kerr (#20). Kerr has single-handedly set the league scoring records this season at only 23 years old, plus my spidey senses tell me she’s queer (a queer sports superstar with an Australian accent? What are you WAITING FOR? GO CHEER HER ON!). This will be your last chance to catch a home game until next spring when the 2018 season starts up.

On the international front, the US Women’s National Team is hosting New Zealand this weekend for international friendlies. The 22-player roster is mostly comprised of players from all 10 NWSL teams. Essentially, friendlies help the coaches and trainers narrow down the roster for the FIFA Women’s World Cup in 2019 and the Olympics in 2020, so these two games could be important factors.

New Zealand Friendlies
Game 1: Friday, Sept. 15 — Commerce City, CO, 10pm ET (ESPN2)

Game 2: Tuesday, Sept. 19 — Cincinnati, OH, 7:30pm ET (FS1)


That’s the wrap for the week, folks. Go forth, enjoy the games, and find some good company to talk you through the things you don’t understand (or Google some facts to impress the cute sportsbian you have your eye on). Happy play-offs! Tweet me @shayemac with any sports news!