Shop The Pain Away & Other Ways To Heal Your Queer Heart This Valentine’s Day


The first time I ever got dumped by a woman was right before Valentine’s Day. I felt so lonely and absolutely gutted. How could I have been let down about all of the hopes I had for our relationship? I made it through, though, and there are so many different things you can do this V-Day if you’re feeling down in the queer dumps about this upcoming day of romance. The most important thing to remember about this holiday is that it doesn’t solely have to be about dating someone! You can take this time to appreciate yourself, your friends, your family, your creative passions, or your hobbies. There are so many different ways to celebrate a holiday, and you can definitely do the following to soothe your queer heart. 

Recenter Relationships

Being lonely on Valentine’s Day definitely makes sense. Everywhere you go, there are candy hearts and teddy bears waiting to be gifted to special someones. The thing is, it’s important to remember that even though this holiday is about romantic relationships, it can also be a time to focus on all the platonic relationships you have. You can send Valentines to your friends or family, bring candy into work for your coworkers, or put together a care package for your sibling. This won’t necessarily fill the romantic hole in your heart, but it can definitely remind you that you have a fruitful life with important relationships and people you love. 

Strength In Numbers 

Solidarity can go a long way when it comes to loneliness. After all, if loneliness is about feeling isolated and like you’re the only person experiencing something, connecting with others in a similar place could really help. Reach out to a few of your single friends and talk to them about how they feel in anticipation of this upcoming holiday — then, have a Queers Night Out moment. 

Queer Connections 

It could be time to connect with other queer people in whatever way. All friends are important, but there is something really amazing about being understood. When I first started dating women and I went through my first breakup, I was so devastated and lonely. One thing that made it better was talking to people that shared this sort of heartbreak. I love my straight friends and even the wonderful gay men in my life, but as a lesbian, it was important for me to connect with other lesbians about this experience. Because lez be honest, no one does melodramatic heartbreak like us dykes. And no one can help you heal like us!

Sad Girl Swag

When dealing with a lonely queer heart on Valentine’s Day, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that you are absolutely not alone. The bad news is that sometimes you really do just have to feel your feelings. This is a prime situation to try and allow your sadness or frustration to have some room. Cry your eyes out to the episode of “The L Word” when Dana dies or rock out to this delightfully painful breakup playlist, ’cause feeling leads to healing. 

Self Love 

Valentine’s Day isn’t all about loving someone else; it can be about loving yourself too! Take this time to reassert your values and the things you appreciate about yourself. This could mean taking a luxurious candlelit bath and reflecting on the year you’ve had since last year’s Valentine’s Day. 

Throw Some Axes…

Another way to soothe the soreness of a lonely heart is by distracting yourself to the max. Mad about a breakup? Try out an ax-throwing bar or hit up your local kickboxing gym. Are you feeling bored? Sign up for a sip and paint night with a friend or take a solo day trip to a new city. 

Spring Clean, Queen 

Sometimes a project can really cleanse your mind and help you feel like you have a personal reset. If you really aren’t interested in paying attention to Valentine’s Day, you could set up a huge organizing day. Say you have been going through a breakup with someone you used to live with — consider revamping your home so that it feels like your space. Even just sorting through your closet and getting rid of things you don’t need can really help you feel like you pressed refresh on your life. 

Take Your Broken Heart And Turn It Into Art 

Maybe you didn’t just go through a breakup, but sometimes holidays and anniversaries can bring up a lot of memories. Sometimes writing, painting, drawing, or making music about something you’ve experienced could really help you process your feelings. Channel whatever is weighing on your heart into a drawing session or post up at a coffee shop and bang out a short story. The barista thinks you’re cute. 

Sing The Pain Away 

If you had to choose one of these coping mechanisms, I highly suggest karaoke. Karaoke can be a really healing space, and there is a seriously amazing catharsis to be found in belting out your own rendition of Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know” or Paramore’s “Ain’t It Fun.”

Retail Therapy 

Hey, if you can swing it with your budget, there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself a little bit. Get yourself a little present this V-Day to celebrate the fact that you are reasserting your needs and feelings. Some of my favorite things to treat myself to are cute matching pajama sets, a stack of face masks, a new notebook, or going to see a movie alone. 


This one is self explanatory. Purrrr.  

Love Note To Yourself 

This holiday holds a lot of complex meaning for a lot of people, but it will also be over before you know it. If you’re sad and there’s nothing that really helps, consider sitting down and writing a letter to your future self. Feel free to be as emotionally raw as you want, because the recipient of this is you. There is something so beautiful about really admitting that you feel like you won’t ever find love or that you won’t get over someone. Not only is it brave to admit how you feel, but it’s also amazing to have proof of what you felt in the past. This is because things can change, and when you look at this letter one day, you’ll know that you got through it all on your own. That’s certainly something to be proud of. You got this, babe. 


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